Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers.
1st let me say he is doing as well or better last night then they expected and his umbilical line was removed and he was started on p.o. phenobarb.
To answer a few of the questions that arose from the posts here, my son is now 18 so he is legally an adult.
She was not a heroin addict but addicted to pain meds of any kind and I think oxy was her drug of choice but it doesnt take these folks long to figure out that methadone gets them thru the w/ds when they cant find their drug of choice so she had been taking methadone as well as oxy when she could obtain it.
Her use was sporadic until she got pregnant and was automatically referred to the methadone clinic and like I said she wasnt exactly truthful with them as to how much she was taking on a regular basis. These guys are smart and know that the higher doses they claim to be on in the street gets them a higher starting and maint.dose via the clinic.
I see absolutely nothing in her entire 9 months of this pregnancy that convinces me she wants anything more for this baby then she did the other 2. She went immediately into detox at the hospital when she found out she was pregnant and she had already been told they wouldnt take her off methadone but start her on a maint.dose. From there she entered a 30 day program again attending the methadone clinic each day and after that she went to a home for unwed Mothers and they provided her with everything she needed her entire time there including taking her each morning to the methadone clinic and all appointments and expenses. She had a normal pregnancy and did really well.
She did not do what we thought she should be doing and that was trying to get ready for this baby. She has no home,no furniture,no prospects of a job of any kind,nothing short of what his family has gathered over the months for the baby. My thoughts were if they really wanted to take care of this baby together they would have been out here trying to find housing,jobs,gathering things they and the baby needed. Am I wrong here in this thinking?
Now he is here and what happens? She can either go back to the home for unwed mothers for 6 months or to family I guess but to me that isnt a solution,he needs and deserves his own home a place to grow up without having to be moved all the time.
CPS is involved since they took custody of her other kids and have been since she entered the detox,she isnt stupid by any menas and she knows how to work the system,she did what she had to do to insure they were off her back at the time. Now I dont know what happens,we are all walking on egg shells here to see what she does and what they do. Her parents got custody of her other 2 kids and I dont want him to end up there as I do NOT approve of them as parents,lets face it they had 2 daughters and both of them are addicts and have had all their children taken from them by CPS,if the did such a shoddy job raising their own how are they going to do with the grandkids? I know that may not be a fair appraisal but the Grandmothers been rumored to have a drinking problem and I did smell it on her at the hospital,since I dont drink at all I can usually smell it a mile away! The Grandfather is a step-parent to babies Mother and he lost his job a few months back and hasnt seem to be looking to hard to find another one. They live in a mobile home park that isnt the best of its kind here and has a very rough reputation.
I do want to point out here that this state pays kinship money to grandparents raising grandkids and it is more then welfare payments! To be honest I am not all sure that money isnt the motivator here as neither one of them is working and they are drawing full benefits on both of her other kids they have and now Kadan(my grandsons name) will mean another $500 payment as well as the foodstamps.
Now you might ask yourself how these folks end up being choosen to be the best bet for custody? I have asked but it seems Grandparents are the next best bet if parents of the child cant keep them.
Grandmother 2 here made a scene at the hospital when my Son signed the release to allow them to treat the baby with phenobarb for w/ds. She thought he would be better off fighting it without anymore meds. Even though he was visually uncomfortable and hurting.
I dont know what the answer to any of this is and it is weighing heavy on my sanity at this point. Yes I think she uses pregnancy as a way to get into methadone treatment and since all of these kids are being paid for by the state funds and being sustained on state funds by the tax payers money it enrages me that there isnt a law to stop them from having anymore. In saying that NO they did not tie her tubes or sterilize her in anyway so she is free to do this again.
The Father of the other 2 does not pay any child support nor does she and I certainly think the law should be after both of them to do so. I worked many years and would never deny a child the money to be taken care of by my tax money but it is situations like this that certainly enrage me and must others.
I can barely give my 11 year old the necessary things in life on SSD and I cant qualify for one dime of welfare for her and her Dad isnt paying child support either! Have they arrested him? No and he has missed the last 4 review dates in court. There is something very worng in our systems here that allow this kind of thing to happen and keep happening over and over. How many kids can she have and the tax payers take care of? I know several girls that have had more then her and CPS has removed all of those kids and they still have more.
Dont mean to rant here but where does it end? If they didnt make it so easy for these kinds of things to happen then maybe they wouldnt happen?
Thanks Danimal for sharing your insights and info that you have and I can only say to you to try to wean yourself down to the lowest possible dose before getting pregnant since it seems once there they feel weaning and any w/ds at all is more dangerous then the methadone to the unborn.
I am angry at my Son and he should have tried not to let himself be blinded by this person and he knew better for sure as we have always had a very open relationship when it came to talking about sex and the outcomes of those urges. He knew how she got pregnant and thats a given!
He has not done anything either to try to make a place in this world for his Son and I know he loves him now that he is here but once she went into detox and then the home he was not a close participant in the pregnancy so I think it was all sureal to him until he was born. He didnt get to go to Doc appointments with her,he wasnt there when his son started moving and kicking and he didnt follow his growth in the womb since she chose to shut us and him out of all that by taking care to insure she jumped thru CPS hoops for her own benefits.
I am hoping now that he is here and my Son realizes this is real and that if he doesnt protect his baby boy who will?
I hope she looses some of her dazzle in his eyes after watching his son suffer thru this. If he doesnt my daughter and I will do what we have to do to protect the baby even at the cost of alienating my Son. He is after all an Adult now! Lessons come hard but come they must.
Thank you all and I will keep you updated and as soon as they get his pic on the hospital web page I will post it for all to see. It is taking longer then normal since he is on NICU.