My grandson was born by C-section Monday and even though he seemed to be off to a good start at 6lbs15oz was moved to NICU early yesterday morning.
My son was 17 last year when he met and beyonds all his families urginf to be careful here got pregnant a 25 year old lady that had been married and had 2 children whom the state had taken for drug abuse. It wasnt long until she was pregnant.
She went into the detox unti at the teaching hospital here and then into a 30 day program and then to a house for unwed Mother where she stayed until she went to the hospital Monday morning to have him.
I knew from so many past experiences even though on the outside to others it looked as if she was doing the right things and I begged my son whom had by then turned 18 to fight for his child all to no avail for he too believed all he was being told by her and her family and the methadone clinics staff.
She went into the methadone clinic immediately after being treated with methadone while in the hospital detox program she first attended. All of that is not where the problem lies,the problem was in her lies.
She told them she was on a much higher dose then she actually was,she continued thru out her pregnancy to complain she was uncomfortable and they kept upping her dose until she delivered him on 120mgs a day via the methadone clinic for free since this is the policy if your pregnant,immediate acceptance and no fee.
My Grandson only minutes old was already showing symptoms of withdrawls as I stood watching them clean him in the window. I knew each yawn and gag, I knew each time he flexed his legs and drew them into his little hours old body again,each time he went into horrible tremors that seemed to shake him to his little core, I knew because I too have felt each of those things when my methadone levels dropped for whatever reason.
I hurt so bad for him and I was so angry at my Son and his S.O. I can remember early out begging pleading,dont do this to him,your son and her saying they said it was worse for me to stop the methadone now then keep taking it during the pregnancy.
I know several Mothers who have gone the route of the clinic, they wouldnt allow them to up their doses and made them slowly taper to the least amount and that clinic I know wouldnt have started her on the high dose and kept goingup is she had not allowed it and I know is she was ont uncomfortable tapering down he would have had no symptoms either and I look at her and it is all I can do to keep my mouth shut and walk away.
I am hurt and he hurts and he is know on phenobarbitol drip and in a iso room to keep him unstimulated and asleep as much as possible,he is not out bonding with his family where he should be,he is alone in that little room for hours on end attended to by staff to avoid awaking him and he feels horrible and the little fellow doesnt have any idea why.
I knew this was coming and I could do nothing. She didnt do any of the court appointed things she was required to do to get her other kids back and it has been 2 years, she will not by my feelings do anything to protect or care for him either or she would have already done it so as not to being him into this world so addicted he was minutes into withdrawls.
I am sick and devastated, I cannot raise him, I cannot support him, I dont imagine any court will hand him to me and my Son has not been an adult long enough realize that evil also comes in the faces of those whom we love and claim to love us.
I have cried, ranted raved, begged,prayed and cursed whatever powers that be for this all to no avail,he still is just in there hurting and his future is yet to be determined.
They assure me he will make it but the road can be long and filled with ruts as they very meds they need to treat him with and the methods of making him sleep all the time so he isnt hurting from w/ds will also allow to fail to thrive,not eat,gain weight etc.
How can she look herself in the mirror? How can she live with what she has done?
I blame not just her as I am as irate at my Son as her. He knew how she got pregnant he was naive. She went to the drug store several months before she actually was pregnant for those home tests,she was trying and he particpated knowing she was an addict and had ongoing problems with family services and her other kids had been removed from the home for drug addiction and neglect,he knew all of it and he still allowed her to convince him to get her pregnant.
I heard her say one time after she found out she was pregnant that she could now get into the methadone clinic for freee without the year or so waiting list the have here for the fee based clinic,the only one we have as the other 2 are private and very expensive.
Even Saturday she in the car coming back from her birthday party at her parents and returning to the home she was bragging about how much methadone she was going to get and how she would get take homes after the baby was born and not have to go there every morning to get dosed! I couldnt wait to get her out of my car, I cant stand to be around her and here she is the Mother,term used losely here of my only Grandson.
This is a road here I know not how to travel. I have made every scarifice possible for my kids, I have given the last of whatever I had for them and not blinked twice about it. I cannot fathom such blatant irregard for the health and life of one of my own.
My rights only go so far as a Granmother and one that is disabled,on methadone herself regardless of the circumstances I think and living hand to mouth already. I feel so helpless and useless to him.
I have a adult daughter whom is married and has been for 6 years,she has one child and a nice home and good job,never been in trouble of any kind and neither has her husband and she is his only hope I guess. She can petition the court if they step in and try to remove him from her and attempt to gain custody but she knows when she does she may gain a nephew to raise and lose a Brother in the process as he believes she does no wrong and he would take it as a insult against her.
At this point should we care what either of them think? Is my only concern my Grandson now and let my Son find his own way thru his own mistakes? What a difficult decision this one will be.
I didnt mean to go on but I need advice,prayers whatever you have in the way of comfort here and you all know I believe knowledge is power and the telling of the story in its entiriety will give you more thoughts.