Well my Son and I met with the CPS Lady yesterday. I had spoken at lengths with my Son prior to going there and let him know my first order of business was my Grandson period. I was not going to cover for her, I was would not intentionally and visciously demean "Mom's" importance in his sons life but I was going to be brutally honest with that lady for his sons sake. He had suffered needlessly already too much in his short life and I could not let him suffer one moment in her care or lack of and live with myself.
He agreed that he was afraid for his son if it meant her taking him out of that hospital and going somewhere alone with him. We talked about how parenting was filled with sacrfice's and how many times in his life those sacrficice's would hurt someone somehow but that as a parent it was his job to make them if and when he could.
We talked about how little and innocent Kadan was and how if he didnt protect him who would? I as his Grandmother could only do so much under the law.
We went over the fact that if I had to I would always love him but I may have to sacrfice him for Kadan's sake if it came to that and how that would hurt me to betray him in those way's but he is now an adult and has to think for himself and be accountable for his actions and Kadan could not do that yet.
He went into the meeting better understanding what his role in Kadan's life might be and that if he continued to protect her he may very well lose his son. He knew I wouldnt take his son away from him willingly that if it was called for and required by CPS I would stand my ground and keep him away from Kadan.
The lady was very nice and although she knew I would step up to the plate for my Grandson her first order of business was to see if my Son would.
The questions were loaded obvioualy to me not sure if my Son caught on but she was attemtping to see if he would sacrfice Mom for his Son if it came to that.
He did really good and I was really proud of him. He told the worker about the breastfeeding incident and how she was still pumping herself versus allowing herself to dry up and he thinks she may try feeding him after he gets out of the hospital. She told him that was a very observant thought and she could so no reason for continuing to produce milk if not for feeding because it only prolonged her agony by not allowing herself to dry up. She told him if that happened it would be his responsibility to notify her and that by feeding Kadan that way she would be settinghim back by weeks and nullify every minute of his suffering thru w/ds..
He asks her hypothetically saying he say it on the Discovery channel or something about Mom's who were on drugs legal or otherwise and those drugs made them more apt to fall asleep while doing something else like feeding their child and the child smothering in the Moms arms or dropping it to the floor from the bed.
I had already discussed this with her on the phone so she knew this wasnt hypothetical but a real concern.
She said what made you think that could happen to your Son and I held my breath so afraid he was going to say something like Oh nothing I just saw it on T.V. he didnt, he told her baby's Mom has always had a problem with this on methadone no matter what the dose. She is one of those people who never outgrows the lethargy of methadone late in the day when it begins to wear off. I did it at high doses but dont in the lower ranges.
He saved himself here and she seemed to relax a bit with him and she assured him that one of the reasons Kadan was still in the NICU was not because he couldnt have been released but becasue she is still investigating and wont release him until she has a clear understanding of his safety.
She reassured him that if Kadan is removed from her care that as Dad he would be the next obvious choice for custody so he needed to put his life in order and make sure he had the basics,home,food,baby items,a job and childcare person while he worked.
He is afraid that her parents will get his son since they have the other 2 girls that she has. The lady said that isnt always how it happens that this is his Son and his family has as much right to raise Kadan as her does but that they make it required to have sibling visits between the girls and his Son. Was he going to have a problem with that? He said no but that her parents have always gave him a hard time saying he was no good and he didnt work and he didnt have this and that in his life, makes me wonder if she told them just how old my son was when she got ahold of him. I doubt it but they are,her parents a little on the strange side.
She is suppose to go back to the unwed mothers home today and makes me even more angry. Why didnt a woman of 26 stay out here and work and try to make a home for her son instead of going into a place that is supported by the tax payers and was intended to be for girls underage and found themselves in a pregnant state and their families turneed their backs on them.
She has no home and hasnt had since I have known her over 2 years,she has no car and has not worked in all that time either. How does she intend to take care of him? All she has to her name are the baby things she has collected from the home for unwed mothers.
She is still sleeping in the waiting room of the hospital and she started a arguement with my Son at one of the feedings last night and got in his car and refused to get out,yelled screamed and acted crazy my son says. The security guard got wind of it and asked her to be quiet of leave the hospital. My son said she is blaming him for her having to sleep at the hospital. I dont know how it is his fault since I am the one who refused to allow her to stay in the room since she didnt want to contribute even gas money to go feed Kadan every three hours and I do not have it. It was about to allow my daughter to do without and that aint gonna happen for someone who can come up with $80 a week for the clnic so she can get dosed. I think her son should come 1st its that simple.
I will continue to let you all know how this story unwinds and I am eternally grateful for all the advice and prayers.