White Beard - how are you doing?

Pain wise my left arm is killing me, My neurologist also thinks it is a disc, and wants me to have an MRI of my neck done, it is scheduled May 8th! The we will see what is going on!

I have one of those picture frames that shows digital pictures that is on a chip, I dug up all the pictures I could find of my father inlaw on my computer, and dressed them up and put them on a SD card and put it in the Picture frame and put it on display at the funeral home for the wake and at the luncheon after the funeral today, I set it up and then left! I have had enough of that family, I am now going to put all my efforts into getting this Divorce over with and our house sold! It is obvious that my real family and friends that care about me are right here at this forum!

From the bottom of my heart I Thank-You ALL!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS to all of YOU!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

and {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{special Hugs to PALady}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

White Beard

See who has the Prettiest neck bones and disc

I would Like to Vent one more thing if I may, Monday morning my wife came home to get a few more cloths, and she proceded to Yell scream and holler at me an tell me how horrible I am, and how bad I hurt her because the past 5 weeks her father had been in a Physical Rehab nursing home and I did not go up there to see him while he was in there! He was released Sat morning and was to be able to stay at home with his wife once again! ( he is 92) From what I understand he had a great day Saturday and was so happy to be back home, He died in his sleep Sunday morning! Anyway I got reamed up one side and down the other because, I did not go up and see him and visit with him before he died! I did not need that! I feel bad enough about it without having her rage!!!. I have only been up one time to see the Outlaws since the announcement of our divorce the end of January.( I  just feel uncomfortable,going there now,  Does that make sense?) Before all this happened the last 18 or 19 years I had taken care of all my father inlaws medications, I would even drive up there (55 mile one way) to take him to his doctors appointments, and every week  we would go up and spend the entire day at their house helping them. My wifes brother lives less than 2 mile from them and he never ever did anything to help them, sometimes I would drive up there 3 or 4 times in a week, and he lives less than 2 miles away and him and his family don't do anything. But my wife never critizes her brother! We are in a middle of a divorce and am the terrible SOB because I didn't go an visit her dad for 5 weeks!, I kind of liked him but he was a very difficult person, nothing was ever his fault, and he was very cantankerous to say the least! And yet her Brother who never would even go visit them much, can do no wrong! It still bothers me though, becase at the wake and funeral she was like my oldest daughter would not even speak to me. Like most of the rest of her family! But even after that I still done that picture frame for them and that was allot of work, I stayed up to 3 AM trying to get the pictures together for the wake on Wednesday! And what Thanks did I get!

Sorry for the Rant,  it is out of my system now!

White Beard

WhiteBeard,

Ponder this though: No matter how old Children get, they want their parents together!  Its sad but true, you will take the brunt for awhile because it was you who filed for divorce. 

Time will heal the shock...when your daughter sees that this is for the best for you and your wife, she WILL come around! 

You don't have to give the reasons to your daughter, maybe leave her a message (if she won't talk to you) that this decision was not easy for you and let her know you love her!  She may not respond now, but she will remember later down the road what you said! 

One of my best friends parents divorced (the kids were in their early 30's)  and their was alot of anger directed at her Dad (he filed).  It took a long time but the adult children did come around...bottom line, she and her siblings world was flipped when the one thing that was always there, Mom and Dad...... was not anymore! 

I feel so bad that this is happening, just felt the need to say that people react differently (and not the way we think they should) when they are devastated!(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WhiteBeard))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

XXOO Patti

I wish you all, the very Best!
White Beard

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 5/2/2009 2:32:59 PM (GMT-6)

Hello Whitebeard,

Its been awhile since I have been on the forum. have some health issues going on still. But, thats not what I want to talk about.

I think what you did with the digital frame for the wake was magnificent. Even tho you are going thru some terrible personal times you took out the time to put that together. I want you to know that many, many people enjoyed your work and I do hope it got around that you were the one that contributed that to the wake. My hat is off to you for such a caring gesture.  

No matter what you do or don't do, your ex-wife to be will never be happy with anything you do. That is a given. But that is also her problem not yours. I will say, do not allow this woman to use you as a whipping board. Had she done many things right during her tenure with you she might not be getting herself divorced from you. Take anything she says with a grain of salt. Try not to feel guilty because you were the one that filed, and I do hear some guilt sneaking in. Remember no matter what the circumstances there is always a "bad guy" in a divorce situation.

I fully understand you not wanting to go around the outlaws and I think you did right thing by staying away. He had been in the hospital and was just home, no, you did not need to be there the day he got home from the hospital. Maybe some of the ex-wife's to be tirade was a little guilt of her own spilling over in perhaps she could have done a little more for her Dad. It sounds to me like you pretty much did it all single handed. Above all if she ever attacks you again on this subject, please, please stop her and tell her if she needs to rant to someone go see her brother and rant to him-then show her to the door. By rights she really should have moved her belongings from the house. She does not need to be "appearing" at the door because she needs some more items from the house. Her things need to be removed from the home-you can force her to do this you know. What she pulled on you is considered spousal abuse.

Now for the oldest daughter. I know all about coming from a split home, I was 4 yrs old. Yes, as children we do want our parents together but sometimes that just does not happen. Yes, your daughter is hurt but she will get over this. She is not a young kid going thru this and do not let this get you on a guilt trip. She is the one that has chosen to handle things this way, but she is a little too old to be acting like this too in my opinion. You can bet she would not stay in an unhappy marriage, so easy how some people can throw rocks at others. She is not entitled to know why you filed for a divorce, that is none of her business. That is strictly between you and the other one. In time she should come around, but if you feel too much time has gone by, may I suggest you write your daughter a letter and let her know how much her actions towards you have hurt you too. Also, let her know that regardless of what happened leading to a divorce it had no bearing on your love for her as your daughter. Since there was the two week visit with her mom, we can only imagine things that may have been discussed and said between the two of them. That may be a factor too. I doubt very seriously your ex to be sat there and said she did any wrong things in the marriage-so read between the lines a little there.

So very glad to hear that you had a visit with the youngest. Its amazing how those little grand children can make us feel, huh? I have a now 4 yr old grand son and I cannot tell you the joy he brings into my life. As I say he is my glue that keeps me together. Is there any real reason or something holding you back that could prevent you from moving closer to where the youngest daughter lives? Of course, I understand changing drs and so on is not much fun. But, you know if may well be worth something to think about. You really would do and feel much better if you had a family member closer. I would at least consider it and maybe investigate the dr scene in her area. Just a thought.

I agree whole heartily in what FJ had to say and he was right on the mark as usual lol. I just think that you are a very kind and considerate man. I know from experience being the "bad guy" sometimes our vision of ourselves can become a little tarnished. Don't go there and please don't do that. As a human being you deserve respect, happiness, compassion and many good things life can offer, don't forget that. Just because you were the one that filed does not make you any less of a person. Keep that head up you deserve to. Susie

Pamela I can't imagine what it was like for you not being able to log onto this forum, I honestly think that would be torture for me! I am glad you are back with us! Oh yea my MRI is on the 8th of May. It can't come soone enough! the pain in my arm and neck are getting worse, it is a hot! aching feeling pain that goes from my elbow down into my fingers, and the pain in my left side of my neck shoots like a hot iron from my adams apple up into the the back of my head and makes me feel  like gagging! I have had this before, but it would always go away  now it is going on over two weeks and just getting worse! 

straydog, ( Susie) all I can say is THANK-YOU!! You are very preceptive, I do feel some guilt, I really should have went up to see my father inlaw when he was in the PT rehab center. I was planning on it, and it is like I told  my soon to be ex, I did not go up there to see him, out of spite, or wanting to hurt her or her father, I mainly just didn't go because, I feel uncomfortable being around them under the circumstances, and I didn't say this to her, but he hates being in hospitals or anything like that, and when he is, he is one miserable SOB! and he really isn't pleasant to be around! I just didn't want to have to deal with that! So I kept putting off going up there to see him! And in away I feel that was very selfish of me! So I do feel a little guilt! Straydog right now we are both ( Wife and I) living in our house, my wife moved up stairs,into the guest room, she is seldom home, and spends the weekends up at her parents 55 miles away. She came home to get more cloths! The reason for this arrangement is that neither one of us can afford to move out and get another place to live and still help maintain this house. So we are selling the house, and after it is sold we will pay what debts we have off, and then split the profit equally, and we should both get quite a sum, from it. Then we both should be well enough off to be on our own,  she has been looking at buying another home,  using her share of the profit as a good down payment! She will be staying in the area because of her job and her family being close by! For me? I don't know yet!

PALady ......I can never Thank-You enough! .....Your support for me seems never ending! Your advice to me has alway sound and true! .....I don't believe I have never really said what the reason was for filing for divorce, I may have indirectly indicated it though. The actually filing was for Mental Cruelty, which if push came to shove I can prove with no problem at all! ( according to my Lawyer it was also the quickest way to get the divorce) It probably should have also been for infidelity but I can not absolutely prove that! But there is certainly allot of unrefutable circumstantial evidence that would lead one to believer that! And there is other stuff that I won't go into!

I have seriously thought about moving up toward Rochester Minnesota to be closer to my granddaughter ( My daughter is a Nurse at Mayo's) but to be honest I don't know if I really want to move where the winters are even worse than they are right here in east central Illinois! You are reading my thoughts again PALady!  I talked to my Lawyer yesterday, and the divorce can go ahead and be done with, without selling the house, and she can go ahead and move out if she wants, as long as she continues paying half of everything, ( paying on the debt, and expenses of living in the house, insurance, association fees and dues and ultilities) Anyway if the house sells quickly I think I will just stay in the area, ( maybe rent a strorage locker to store some of my things) and then  rent a small appartment for a while, until I decide what I want to do and where I want to live! Other than my medical, there is nothing really keeping me here! I can go anywhere really! I have already lived so many different places in the states, so who knows! Actually it would be nice moving  to a place where I could be close to a military base, that way I could use my retirement  benefits, shopping at the base exchange and getting groceries from their commissary, you really save a lot,  buying  groceries at a base commissary! The Air Force Base I retired at is 15 miles away but it closed down and there is nothing left for the military retirees, I think the closest Air Force Base to me now is Scott AFB near St Louis! And that is a long drive, over 200 miles, to far to go just for groceries!    I have thought of California, I have many friends out there, and I was stationed  at three different places out there! I have all so thought about the East coast I have been there too at several different locations, and the south and just about every where in between. You are right again PALady it can be difficult to cope with so many changes happenig all at once!

PALadyI also hope you have a pain free Peaceful weekend too!

Again I Thank-You ALL, for being here for me! and I will alway try and be there for YOU!

White Beard