Rough Nights

Hi everyone,

I would have been online throughout my ordeal last night, but I was in too much pain to see/read straight, so I had to go it alone. Last night was perhaps one of the worst nights I've had! I was in a rather incredible amount of pain & just nothing was helping. Forget sleeping. The fentanyl patch is clearly not working (at least not the dose that I'm on now). Plus I was incredibly nauseous from all the pain. I'm almost always mildly nauseous from pain, but nothing like that. I think I'll have to speak with my doc about that when I see him later this week. Then, when I woke up this morning & looked in the mirror, I saw that my eye is even more swollen than usual & is almost black & blue around it! I can't explain it, and I know it isn't just me being over sensitive about it because I had my roommates look at it & even they (who normally don't notice a thing) noticed the change. I don't know if I rubbed it wrong it the middle of the night, or what. I suppose it is possible because I was in so much pain, that when I finally crashed, I was having one of those "someone is stabbing me in the eye" dreams. I just can't wait until the end of the week when I get out of here & can finally take a week off! The visual and mental stress of exams and final papers, etc, certainly isn't helping anything.

Anyone else up all night? I have a suspicious feeling that tonight is not going to be so much fun either. I hate to whine & complain, but thanks for letting me vent to you all! I know that everyone here at least understands! No one else seems to. I don't want sympathy, I don't ask anything of anyone, I just need to vent and to know that someone is out there listening! I really should learn NOT to try to talk to certain people about this stuff. It always ends up making me more frustrated and upset.

hugs,
Skeye

Skeye, I agree with PAlady in that you should call your doctor asap...

((((((((((((Skeye)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
plenty of hugz to give no matter if you want them, I'm sending them, along with
a shoulder to cry on................
Keep on venting it's okay..
p.s. try cold or heat packs to see if they help and go to the ER if
it gets worse...
((((((((((((((((HUGZ))))))))))))))))))))

I guess I've just been having such a hard time the last few weeks. I hate making things about me. It makes me feel like I am constantly complaining to everyone, where in reality I just want to talk, vent, & not feel so alone through this! I really do love all you guys! No one else understands like you all do! You are all like family; my CP family!

Skeye

Skeye

You are not alone! We are all here for you! I do hope you are feeling better tonight! I feel the same way as you do about all the folks here, all of you have became my family!
Skeye you are also in my prayers!

White Beard

Fatherjohn, White Beard, & Patti thank you so much for all of your support & kind words! I really do appreciate it so much!

I feel a little better today in general because I am HOME! I had had it with my roommates and other things, so I packed up everything I wouldn't be needing when I return towards the end of the month, got in my car and drove home! It feels so good. I can't quite say that I am done yet, because I have one more paper due Friday via internet, but it is mostly finished. It just feels great to be home & out of that pressure cooker, and a royal greeting from the dogs sure helps too! My little boy must have been excited to see me & crying for 10 minutes - he thought I never was coming back (although it has only been a couple of days)!

Thank you for helping me & being there for me, my dear friends!

Skeye

Skye ...

I hear you, girl. I understand.

I'm in a lot of pain. I can't get comfortable in any position.

My pills aren't taking care of my pain.

My EYES don't focus. (This has been going on for some time. I try to pretend it's
not a problem)

I probably will not be here tonight. I can only sit for a little while. (That sounded
like a threat. IT WASN'T!!)

I feel like a complainer. No one wants to listen to me. No one wants to listen to
anyone who's in pain. That's why I try so dam n hard to not show pain when
I'm around my daughter or my doctor. Getting caught having pain is just ...
humiliating.

Somebody here posted a new way to get over our pain, Skye. She puts model
trains or planes together and gives them to needy folks. Maybe that would
help us. You think?

You Sweet, Skye.

I'm joking about the crafts project. We'll do that when were feeling better. Huh.

Oh I'm so glad to hear your home now w/ your little boy! His love is the best med you could posibly get! I'm happy you got some releif being away from the presure cooker too, that has just multiply the pain by nines! I just pray all the time that someone will find a cure for your problem and rid you of what has to be the worst pain of all> eyes, I just can't imagine what that must be like! I had a little peice of metal in my eye once and it about drove me crazy! I listen to you and others and it makes me feel so pethedic for being such a baby about my little small tiny problems! I only want you to feel better Little Sister! If there was anything I could do to make it better for you, I would in a heart beat! You don't deserve this. Why do the best people always seem to suffer the worst????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Hang in there Sis, better days are coming, I just know it!!!!!!
Big Big Gihugic HUGZ>>Your Big Bro,
Pete

Skeye, I'm so glad your pain is settling for you, the stress of all those end of semester deadlines would have been horrendous, I really hope you get to relax now with your family. Here hoping for some pain minimised days ahead! Best wishes, golitho

Yes, I think that being at home & in a less stressful environment for just a day has already been beneficial. I'm still up at 2 am with pain, still can't read much (I actually tried to read for fun a bit today, but had to abandon it shortly after starting), but I just feel somewhat more relaxed overall, which is definitely helpful on many levels! Deciding to take a week off before starting my summer research was definitely a good call! I really need this break! It's definitely quite a struggle to get through all my school work & reading when my eye doesn't cooperate! But I just do my best.
All I have left to do now is to submit my paper in the morning, and then maybe I can really relax! Hopefully my doc will increase my fentanyl patch tomorrow as well, so I'll have a better idea whether this is actually going to help me at all & will also have heard back from another PM that he has been conferring with.

Skeye

And thanks for the well wishes golitho & fatherjohn! Much appreciated!

Hi Palady,

Yes, last night wasn't great. I slept about 3 hrs, which I suppose isn't all that abnormal for me, but it's still icky. Although this bad week has actually allowed my doc to see my eye nice & swollen and discolored today - doesn't it always seem that whenever we see the doc, it's on our good days? It certainly hasn't sunk in that the semester is over yet! As for the device, I think I know what you are talking about! It doesn't convert text to audio though , I think you can just download a bunch of books onto it & read them all on one screen. The device that I have is a Nokia phone (I forget which one, but the software only works with one type of phone) with KNFB Mobile Reader software. It allows me to use the phone's camera to take a picture of text, such as the page of a book, and then it uses optical character recognition to read me back the text (in a lovely synthetic voice, but it's not too bad), while displaying the text on the screen. It is great! The only thing that I dislike about it is that it is slow to download the picture & convert the text to audio, so I only use it as a "back-up," for when I can't read on my own, as it takes about twice as long to go through and download everything & then play it back. But it is useful, and I am glad that I got it! Thanks for thinking of me! I often think of others here, including you!

Skeye