hurting and sad

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 5/8/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,

Friday is double whammy day for me. The back is doing its bad weather crap out on me again. Hurting enough to put me in a recline for most of the day.

Did I mention that in addition to modelmaking I also keep a fish pond in the backyard? Well, for 7 years now I have been nurturning what is now 4 generations of fish...Serasa comets. They have become one of diversions I have to offset the chronic pain. Some years ago I had a raccoon wipe out all but two of the fish. Sooo, I set up an electric fence. No more raccoon problems. Fast forward to now. Turns out the two remaining fish were male and female. Now, up until yesterday, I had a family of some 14 fish. Yesterday a blue heron discovered the pond and dropped in for lunch. I took out the two survivors of the raccoon invasion. The elders are now gone. So yesterday my wife and I put a mesh over the pond and I set up motion detecting lights in hopes of discouraging any more wildlife attacks.

Now you may ask: " big deal, so what, they're just fish, get over it". Problem is, they have become almost pets. They have definately become pain diversions. They are important to ME. So I'm sitting here wondering what else can happen to me? And why me? It isn't right that feeling so much physical hurt now I have emotional hurt to deal with. I also have to deal with a next door neighbor who is about 3 bricks short of a load and is verbally abusive to me and my wife when we are outside. For what reason I do not know. He is just weird. Has weird ideas. Sounds to me like obsessive/compulsive behavior.

There I've vented but not sure I feel a whole lot better. Fish are still gone and I'm too sore to build models.

Hope you all are having a decent day. Happy Mom's day to all the mothers in our group!


Degenerative disc disease, 4 back surgeries, fused from L2-S1, instrumentation. Being treated for chronic pain. Oxycodone 30 mg. IR. Candidate for SCS in the future.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9255
   Posted 5/8/2009 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi modelmaker!!

I'm crying and laughing at the same time. I DO understand about your fish. They ARE important to you. Who's to say a dog or cat is a more important pet than your fish??? We used to have a large pond on the farm and stocked it with trout. Wasn't long before the Bald Eagles found it. Hard to discourage those and illegal too.

One idea I just had was...since you have a motion detector, this is something I've heard people do to discourage deer. Might work on your herons. Somehow you can hook up your motion sensor to a sprinkler system. So when anything moves out there, like a heron, the sprinkler comes on and they get a thorough You can likely google it and find how they made the connections. County extension agents are recommending this too.

We had, for many years, a flock of laying hens and a line of customers ready to buy eggs as soon as they dropped. about 6 weeks ago a couple of weasels got into the hen house and killed all but 2 of the girls. What a carnage! We immediately gave those 2 to a friend so they wouldn't be killed the next night. It just broke our hearts since we raised them from day old chicks. So, I do understand the hurt.

Have you called your local authorities about your neighbor? We had to because of noisy dirt bikes running all day and we have no more problem now. Just a thought..

Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 5/8/2009 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Awe Mdelmaker, so sorry about the loss of your fish..
as for your pain have you tried your heating pad? A heating pad sure can help..
Hope your feeling better soon, soft hugz and lots of them...
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines


Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 5/8/2009 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Modelmaker,
I know how ya feel about just when things seem like they are going to be alright they arent anymore.  I had a bad stroke a few months back and that along with a broken back and fibro the hits just keep on coming.   A couple of months ago I was stuck in the house with yet another flare and noticed these little birds sitting on the rail of my porch.  Dont know what they were but they were about 4 inches and very cute.  I started watching them often,waiting for them each day and then one day I noticed in the wooden paper box next to my door there were stragling pieces of grass that I figured my hubby has put there after weeding and I took them out and then another few pieces are there and then I looked inside and lo and behold my bird friends were making a nest!  I told my daughter about it and she said at the next apartment a business office there was an identcal nest and to check for eggs.  Well I check and there were indeed eggs!!!  Other then them startling me when they flew out when I opened the door I was so excited to know that life had taken up space so close to my front door.  Then I was gone yesterday and when I came home my hubby told me our large cat had killed the bird as it came out of the opening.  I didnt have the heart to take the nest out and I know it may sound silly to some but I felt that was just another thing that had been takin from me.  I hope my cat doesnt get that other nest,maybe that one will survive just believe me when I know the feeling,sighhhhhhh.
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Had another stroke 2/09 and it took my speach for the most part and dont know when it will coming back. Caused serious stroke symptoms on right side of body.
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/8/2009 2:06 PM (GMT -6)   
First a hug to you


And yes, even fish are pets. Birds, animals, life. And it seems like so much has been taken from our lives that just the tiniest loss stings as bad as the biggest. But pets of any sort can be so beloved.

I have two doves that return and hang out on my deck every year. Last night I noticed a baby huddling close in between them as they sat there. It was so sweet! I hope it survives the neighborhood wildlife, but alas, I guess we have to accept the circle of life in so many, many ways.

QT - great to see you post!!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 5/8/2009 2:36 PM (GMT -6)   

Under my carport is a hole in the wall and these 2 little cute birds layed eggs and they just hatched a few days ago. I cant see the baby birds yet, but I worry so much over them cause we have these 2 teenagers living in my building that are monsters, my son told me they where out there throwing rocks and stuff at the nest, So I went out there yesterday and told them that if I see or hear that again, I will call the cops. It makes me so angry how horrible people can be. I love animals, fisdh and all and understand the pain of losing pets. I just dont understand how I can keep an eye on these baby birds cause I cant see it from any of my windows, all I can do is keep my door open and do my best. I wonder if I can call the cops on these boys if I see them hurting those babys again. they so cute chirping but they're deep in that hole so I dont know how many these is, b ut I know theirs more then one. But those mondsters stuck a bunch of cans and garbage in there which makes me worry that the parents wont be able to get in there to feed their babies...just makes me want to cry, and I probably will, so I will cry with you modelmaker....

And I can sorta understand the neighbor thing, my dad lives in this nice neighborhood where I grew up and me and my kids visit very often and his one neighbor is an alcholic with 3 kids that he doesnt take care of. They trashed the backyard and they have this big dog that trashed everything in there back yard, so it looks like a junk yard. My dad put up these panels through the fence so we dont have to look at them, but they're always outside cussing and playing loud hard metal music and drinking like crazy. My son plays with one of the kids there and if they see us with food they come begging, they said they have to fend for themselves and their cabinets are literally empty, and my dad hates feeding them. Im thinking of calling child protective services on them cause the kids are just filthy dirty and never eat, and the 2 oldest will fight til theirs blood. My dad's whole neighborhood dislikes them and they call them trailer trash, they've turned a nice house literally in to what looks like a crackhouse now.

26 years old, single mother of 2 children, 7 year old girl and 9 year old boy
DX-Lower back pain, Arthiritis, Migraines, Raynald's Phenomenon, Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Pancreatic Divisum, Chronic Pancreatitas, Fibromyalgia
Meds- Suboxone 16-24mg daily, Cymbalta 60mg, 100mg Lyrica, Ventolin Albuterol Inhaler, Advair, Imitrex 100mg, Ibprofen 800mg, Phenergan 25mg, Hydroxizine 25mg, Biofreeze
Surgeries- Gallbladder removed 1998, Stent in Pancreas 2003, marsupilized bartholin gland cyst, countless upper GI scopes and ERCPs
Pets- 3 degus named Pricilla, Aster, and Shorty, one female rat named Sassy, one male rat named Squeeky who's brother died on 4/18/09 and was replaced by a baby female Guinea pig name Rosalina, a baby black emperor scorpian, and a corn snake named Precious
"Never go to a doctor's office whose plants has died."

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 5/8/2009 5:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Modelmaker:

I'm so sorry about your fish. I know how difficult it is, when one lives with chronic pain, to deal with any additional disappointment and/or sadness. It's like..don't we deal with enough already?!!! This was a nice thing in your life that gave you it's no wonder that it would upset you to see something like this happen.

I don't have anything good to say, I'm afraid, but just know that I'm thinking about you. ;)

Also..I'm sorry to hear about the wacky neighbor. Do you try to ignore him or is that impossible?


Come visit my blog on living with chronic pain and a neurostimulator/SCS!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 5/8/2009 6:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Modelmaker, It is okay to be upset. I think you have the perfect right to be upset. Most of your posts have been of a positive nature. That helps all of us and defers our pain a little. Now it is our turn to be there for you.

I am sorry about your fish. It doesn't matter that they were fish. They were there and you saw them everyday. And they brought you joy and helped you deal with your pain. Pets are pets no matter what type they are. I understand. You are hurting for a very valid reason.

The neighbor situation bothers me. It is a shame that grown up adult people can act that way. There is no reason in the world they should be that way to you or your wife when you are outside. It is just plain wrong. I do not know what the answer is... I would say to talk to them and find out what the problem is, but that may not be the thing to do, it may make it worse. I would say to call the police and have them talk to them. But that too may make it worse. I really wish I knew what the right thing to do is.

Hold your head up. I know it is hard. Having the chronic constant pain is bad enough and all these extra additional things just tend to make everything worse. You feel free to vent all you want.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 5/8/2009 10:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Modelmaker,

I too am very sorry to hear about your fish! I understand! I have always had a special bond with animals (yes, including some fish along the way), and I am always devastated when something happens to any animal, no matter what animal, especially when it is 1) something needless, or 2) something I can't control, which probably contributes to the many reasons why I am pursuing a career in veterinary medicine. Animals can bring us such joy and unconditional love. I have a pet snake, and even he brings me joy (I never, ever, would have imagined that I'd end up with a snake - actually used to have 2 - despite my love of all creatures). They are definitely one of the best pain and stress relievers out there! I could tell you countless stories of how animals have influenced my life & help me get through each day.

It's tough when you have small animals outside, because you have such limited control. I am always fearful for my cats, as they like to hunt outside at night, and we live in the wilderness, so it's not always safe for them. I try to get them in when I can, but it isn't always possible. The other one I worry about outside is "my" squirrel. My mother rescued a baby squirrel from my cats a couple years ago, and I nursed him back to health. He was only about 2wks old when we got him, and his eyes & ears were still closed. No one thought he'd live more than a few days, but he did. I got him through it, and then when I had to go back off to college, my mom took over his care. Between the two of us, we raised & rehabilitated him & finally released him last May. He was very attached to us, so we were afraid that he wouldn't make it in the wild, but he did great! It was amazing watching him explore his new world, and he never looked back! We swear that we still see him often, and that he now has a family (he is a BIG handsome squirrel, thanks to the good diet he had growing up)! You would never realize how smart and intuitive squirrels actually are, until you raise one! Seeing dead squirrels on the side of the road has always made me sad, but now even moreso, because I think of my little guy! All I can do is pray that he stays safe!

Your fish are very lucky to have you! I am sorry for your loss, and that you are in such pain. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new, brighter day. Hopefully you can get some new fish & start your journey over again.


Post Edited (skeye) : 5/8/2009 9:09:05 PM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 5/10/2009 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi All,

Many thanks for all the comforting posts.

We put a net over the pond, cranked up the electric fence and installed the motion detector lights. Then this evening the heron returned and we just watched. He moved toward the pond looking for sushi. All of a sudden the lights came on and at the same time a cat jumped at the heron. The heron was twice the size of cat so this was one brave cat. The heron took off. So I don't know if it was the motion lights or the cat that did it but something worked.

The suggestion about the sprinkler (Chutzie) was a good one. The connections are easy and I'll give that a try.

I'm feeling much, much better today. Pressure is on the way up and that is always a good trend. On days like this I wonder why in the world I am considering a SCS. Maybe I should just tough out the bad days. I am reading enough stories of bad or less than good results I am really wondering if this is the right thing for me to do.

The whacko neighbor likes to make sure we know he is around. He makes as much noise as he can when he is near our house. I mean running is aluminum ladder up and down to clean his gutters every other day, and banging on a plastic bucket with a shovel when he is gardening. Is that childish or what. He just needs to noticed. I have learned from a person my daughter knows who used to work for this guy before he retired. He used to go around to all the pay phones in the factory and check for left over change. One day, the guys got together and rigged one of the phones with a huge gob of grease. When our wacko came to check he got a handful of grease! So I'm not the only one he has annoyed. He was also caught running a metal detector around the parking lot looking for loose change. They called the cops because this guy was acting so weird. Oh and this guy parks his car with the back end over the sidewalk so the kids can't bike down the sidewalk forcing them into the street. Enough of the wacko. Just another source of pain.

Got to go but I just wanted to thank you all for listening and offering your support.

Degenerative disc disease, 4 back surgeries, fused from L2-S1, instrumentation. Being treated for chronic pain. Oxycodone 30 mg. IR. Candidate for SCS in the future.

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