I am hurting pretty bad today. I don't really know why. I didn't do alot around the house yesterday. And what I did do, I did real slow. So I don't think it was that. I did take 2 walks yesterday. The second one, I did make the 20 minutes. I was proud of myself. I walk real slow, so it wasn't real far that I went. I don't know why I am hurting so bad today. I just woke up this way and it has lasted all day. It has been 16 days since my surgery. I think I should be doing better than what I am doing. I still hurt alot and I walk in small slow steps. Some days the pain seems better and then there are days like today. I just hurt.
I think I am getting depressed big time. I am prone to depression. I am trying hard to deal with it and "snap out of it" but it isn't that easy. I am not used to this. I am used to being busy all the time-dealing with the kids, working full time, cleaning,cooking, shopping etc. And now there is this. Nothing. I can't do all of those things anymore. I pretty much do nothing. I will do very limited picking up and may fold a load of clothes sometime. My husband and son are doing everything. I should be happy to have a break, but it's quite the opposite. And I miss work. I miss the co-workers and the patients. I love my job. I really do miss it. I know everything is going smooth without me, and I am glad. They have a float taking my place while I am out.
My nerves are shot. I am sitting in the recliner now. My husband is cooking steak,potatoes and a salad for my mothers' day meal. It is sweet. I just feel nothing. The t.v. is on and I can't hardly stand the sound of it. I seldom watch tv anyway. I could care less if it never came on. The kids voices are bothering me. They are just talking. They aren't being bad. The step kids are here too. So there are 4 here for the weekend. Fun. I just want quite. I want to be alone. I think I will take a walk. I haven't walked today. And then I will go to my room and close the door and read a book. I don't even like the way I am right now. And I can't snap out of it. I think I just need to get away from everyone for a little while.