I enjoyed your post and how you named it, very appropriate lol. You did it, you pulled off the big fund raiser and it was a big success. I know you were sweating bullets over this too. Kuddos to you.
However, in all of the goodness you do, it is really sad to see a person get spread as thin as you do and take yourself to such inhuman limits. I am not sure there is much in the medical field that will ever improve your physical health because of the extremes your body is pushed to. Our medications, SCS's, intrathecal pain pumps, Tens Units, things like this are nothing more than tools to help with our pain. If our bodies are not given proper rest and nourishment it needs to function all the extras in the world are really not going to help us as much as much as they normally would. Frances brought up some excellent points on what we have to do in order to make these tools work and be a success.
You mentioned in a previous post the organization you work for is a large well known one. You have obviously made your school a tremendous success. What I guess I don't understand is, if the higher ups in this organization have acknowledged your work and what you have done for this school to be a success, why do they think this can be a one man show only. I am looking at it from a management angle when I ask this question. What if something happened to you and you were not able to be there, are there no other people in this large organization that can be put in a post. Expecting one person to be there 24/7 is not realistic from a management point of view, its just not good business. I understand the part about alot of the money for the school is raised by fund raisers, donations and things of this nature. I am sure that I am missing something here and thats why I am so confused lol.
I really hope you will follow thru with taking the time off before the trial. Otherwise, I see an exhausted, pain wracked body not being able to really know if something is giving some relief because the pain levels are too far out of control.
You know, I am sure your family really does not care if you don't stand in the kitchen turning out some special dinner for them. If anything you probably make them feel guilty because you push beyond reason with this super human nature that just does not exist in a normal body. They would probably much rather see you sit down in a chair with your propped up relaxing for change. Why can you not allow yourself this simple little luxury? You know when our bodies are spent, our emotions are spent and we really are not much use to anyone. I know in my mind what your family see's you go through is not what they want to see.
I wish I had answers for you, maybe wave that magic wand we all talk about and look for, that will make things right in our lives some how. I see you in my mind as a very caring, compassionate soul, trying to make this world a better place for many people, giving to everyone, except yourself. Why can you not give to yourself some of the very thngs you give to others? You deserve it and you must stop this guilt you place on yourself, its just not good for the soul.
I worry about you.