My name is Dany and I am new on this forum. Just subscribed actually.
In an attempt to introduce myself to everybody on here, I will give you a summary of who I am and how did I ended up on this forum.
First off, I am a french canadian living in the province of Quebec. I am a 38 year's old unemployed father of two, with a joint custody. I am currently living with my partner, an italian big-hearted, caring, loving and witty lady I met a year ago and whom, in spite of my situation making it hard sometimes, I love deeply. So please, keep in mind that although I speak english fluently and on a day to day basis, I do tend to make spelling mistakes once in a bluew moon. After all, english is not my mother tongue while french is. So please ladies and gentlemen, bear with me.
about 12 years ago, while I was still in my prime and married at the time with the mother of my children, I underwent a vasectomy regardless of my fear of the latter. It so happened that 2 days (or so) after the surgery, I started to feel acute, stabbing pain in my perineal, rectal and testiculal area. In short, the pelvic region. At first, my urologist thought it was a bacterial prostatitis for which he prescribed antibiotics. But the pain persisted. As from there, you can easily guess the hellish time I went through: seeing specialists, trying new drugs. The whole jazz. In short, looking for answers and a desperate relief.
Up til then, I was still, nevertheless, functional. I could work, keep going to the gym, have sex and take care of my beloved kids. Two years ago, I started feeling a burning pain in my left leg, heel, and most importantly, my lower back. My GP sent me to the hospital to get an MRI (in Canada, everybody is covered by the healthcare system so you don't have to pay for anything but brother, do you ever wait!) and the verdict was announced: 3 herniated discs. The last straw! Like my pelvic was not enough. What is the connection with my previous condition? Probably none. I am baffled and so is my Dr. And yet again, another déjà-vu journey begins. Different but the same; seeing more specialists, taking more drugs. Honest, if you can smoke it, swallow it, inject it etc. chances are, I took it. Everything I tried so far has mostly failed: epidurals, chiros, support-belt and quite a whole lotta money shelled out just to end up in more pain today. To think that I knew what real pain was with my previous-still-existing condition. Well, you live you learn, let's put it that way.
I am so afraid about my future. Will I ever work again and in how long? Money is not everything, granted but you need it in order to subsist. I am currently living on my savings, money I has set apart for my retirement. As the pain is eating me up increasingly, I dread not to be capable in the future to take care of my kids like I should and provide for them. I already lost everything to that darn pain, this would take the cake. Plus, will my partner, as much as she loves me, will tolerate living with a man who can't work, doesn't smile or laugh much, doesn't get much done around and spends most of his time brooding (depression) and watching TV because the bloody pain just WONT LEAVE ME ALONE. IT OWN ME!!
I wish I could say to myself: Bahh! Can't be worse, man up, go on and be happy. However, I learned one hard and cruel fact in the last 12 years. Guest what? IT CAN!! And that is not depression talking non-sense, it's the new seasonned-down-to-earth-cynical version of me making a realistic statement.
Well, thanks for listening. I am doing this because of all people, you guys are the best bunch to relate and understand me as fellow CPSs.
Comments and feedbacks are more than welcome and I shall reciprocate.