As usual, another thoughtful post - I thank you. I read the title and signed off and came back before reading the thread as I had a hunch it would stir deep thoughts and/or emotions. I was right, although I feel myself wanting to avoid facing them.
Patti's post really hit home for me. I've been thinking a lot about
this lately. Every surgery in my life was successful at curing the problem, ending the pain, until the fusion. Like you, FJ, I was told to hold off for surgery yet no one along the way ever told me about
how nerves can become permanently damaged. Anyway, it's water under the bridge now.
But i have realized that my inner struggle (definite conflict!) over appying for SSD has been that I have to acknowledge that surgery did not work and is not going to work. It's not going to be like when I had my tonsils out as a child, or my gall bladder removed when I was 19, or even 2 successful carpal tunnel surgeries, which removed the pain immediately. I waited for surgery, but somehow in the back of my mind always figured it would fix the problem, but I'd have to go through the recovery and it was the latter I was avoiding. I honestly thought it would work - or at least partially work. And even as I write this I have not faced it 100%, but I'm working on it. There's really no choice if I want to try to have some kind of future; it just, like everyone here, won't be the future I envisioned. Won't even be close.
all I can handle thinking about
for now! But I also loved Patti's descript
ion of this site as a "life preserver". Right on!
Thanks to everyone for sharing. For caring. For being here.
Post Edited (PAlady) : 5/16/2009 8:54:58 PM (GMT-6)