Grandson still in NICU,new thread.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 5/16/2009 4:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you LLPLUV for thinking of us. Yes he is now into his 2nd week and as of Monday he will be 3 weeks old and remains in NICU. Just about the time he seems to doing better and a release date is set he gets a number far higher then required for release.
The Nicu has a number rating system for use in evaluating how well these babies are doing. It seems it is based on normal behavior for a newborn,how well are they eating,sleeping,bowel/bladder function,breathing,color,whether they require meds for anything and any type of support.
He he still on pheno-barb and a really low dose of morphine. He was scheduled for release on Friday after his morphine was going to be stopped and his pheno-barb lowered again. On Thursday night he did ok and on Friday early a.m. after not getting an a.m dose of morphine anylonger he did not sleep an entire 5 hours,now this might not seem like alot but evidently to a newborn they consider that a huge problem outside the norm and I guess if I think back I cant say I have seen too many babies that age stay awake that long so he got a 8 score and anything above a 5 gets him another day or so in NICU.
He has to go a full 48 hours without scoring above a 5 before they release him. We now are shooting for Monday if he stays less then 5 thru the weekend.
My Son continues to visit him every 3 hours unless there is something that we cannot avoid and cant get there,he has not missed very many of those 3 hour feedings I can say proudly. The baby's MOm however has went 3 days last week not showing up once and 2 days she went for one feeding.
She says the home she is wont let her out of this or that and she didnt have money to ride the bus or whatever but I noticed she had cigarettes and she is still in the clinic so she must have had her money for that! I cant imagine the house wont let her go to the hospital no matter what is going with her son in NICU and if it was me I think maybe if they didnt let me go I would be staying somewhere else? The methadone clinic is about the same distance as the hospital to this house she is staying in and she walks there? Yet cant make it to the hospital? I cant imagine this home for unwed parent doesnt encourage these girls or women should I say to work or something. How are they ever going to become self sufficient and take care of these babies?
According to the CPS workers it seems the plan is to allow Kadan to go the house with her when he is released and I am wondering how she is going to buy diapers and the things a baby requires if she doesnt have a $1 for bus fare. My Son will provide what he can and more I suppose but does the Mother have any responsibility to support her son? I cant understand any of this at all and I finally just stopped trying and I guess I will just see what happens and hope Kadan survives all of this.
She is now 3 weeks post-partum and they have not lowered her methadone dose but increased it,do these clinics not ever try to get these folks off the stuff? She was falling asleep and burning up the beds and blankets on the lower dose now what will happen?
I can only be here should something happen as I have very little leeway to so anything else as it seems even though twice in the last 4 years she has been deemed unfit to raise her kids and they have been permenatly removed from her care she hasnt done anything to Kadan yet and until she does there isnt anything to be done about it.
All I can do at this point is shake my head and pray that he survives until she does something to allow the CPS worker to intervene.
Thanks you again and I will let you all know when he gets released and try to post updates as they happen.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 5/16/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Angel8 my heart is breaking for your family.

CPS is a hard departement to deal with. I had first hand knowledge when my son was 4. I was married to a man who was cruel. He would beat me physically and mentally. When my son was 10 days old I left him. Got away but not without injuries. Dislocated jaw, two broken teeth, mass hair pulled out and my 10 day old son was accidentlly hit in the head. My son was kidnapped until the sherriffs department finally pulled him over.

Fast forward to divorce procedings 6 months later, during this time I was in proctective custody. Judge ruled my X could not see his son unless he was being monitered. If everything went well on a date 4 years later he could have normal visitation. From that day forward my x disappeared.

Fast forward 4 years. I'm married, pregnant with my daughter x shows up with the sherriffs department to start his visitation. Had to hand him over!

Next 4 years in and out of court and CPS office. My x was mentally cruel to my son. Refused to give him meds for his handicaps. The list was a mile long of things that were so wrong.

My husband and I decided to MOVE 2500 miles away from Washington state. That was the only way to keep my son safe. We did everything by the book giving my x 30 days notice and so on. The judge said Blaine could go to my x for one week while we moved. Then my parents would drive him to Tennessee to help us get situated. After 5 days of driving we got to Tennessee. Then we recieved a phone call that would change everything.

My x's best friend that lived next door to him said he hadn't seen Blaine in two days! I had to think fast. Called my parents, had them go out to get Blaine with the excuse that they were leaving early to drive to Tennessee. They got him.

My son had been beat. My x had him strip naked lay flat on the floor and took a belt to him. After all the police reports that night my parents brought him to us. When he arrived it broke my heart. He had yellowing bruises everywhere. We called Tennessee CPS and they told me NEVER to let Blaine see this man. If I ever did I would go to jail for neglect of a child. Thats all I needed to hear. He never saw him again and my son is now 20.

My point is.......... CPS has a view that each case (child or person) is based on itself. My husband always hurt me laws read that he might not hurt someone else. I really believe they think Kaden will be safe at this home. They will probaly relook at case throughout her stay and ask questions to people that are around her. Letting her leave this shelter with the child might be a different story. They might be able to build the file while shes there so they have enough to produce for the judge.

Your family will be in my prayers for I know how difficult parts of this is for you. Just love this child with all your being and be there for him when he needs you. Keep your journal going for when your daughter takes her to court. I had a journal for 5 years and every entry the judge took as fact. For it was dated, neat and unrelenting.

Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/16/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
I hope you don't mind this post, but if you do, tell me and I'll delete it. I do not want to cause you any extra pain.

I just want to say I think your son is doing wonderfully and I hope that he is the one eventually to get custody. He is really stepping up in so many ways, and that is going to matter to a judge. I have a hunch - and it is just that - that the hospital, CPS and maybe even the home are trying to do everything to build documentation in Kadan's favor. Him staying in NICU may really be a blessing as at least he has great care there. CPS nas to follow laws, but as your journals (and cell phone photos) will help build that case. Usually homes like the mother is in do provide transportation money so the mother can go to the hospital. And while Kadan is there he will be observed, and he will not be allowed to be neglected. The dangerous thing is if the mother gets her act together long enough to provide documentation so a judge allows Kadan to go home with her.

I know it sounds strange, but every time the mother doesn't visit, shows that she is in any way not interested in meeting Kadan's needs, that's a plus for Kadan in the long run, as it can be used to hopefully support your son being the more responsible parent.

The home where she's staying at this point as to view the mother as their client, and have responsibilities to advocate for her, but no one can force her to do things. Once Kadan gets there, however, he also becomes their client and that changes the focus of their treatment as his needs have to come first. And again, they will be observing and documenting. Custody battles are never easy or fun, as Laurie's story shows, but CPS's hands are often tied by the law. They just can't go in and do whatever without proper documentation, and a judge's order. So you're all on the right track, and hopefully Kadan is, too. I wish that the NICU staff were just manipulating numbers to keep him there longer, but that would be risky for them to do, plus you'd probably notice something. It's just not a bad thing that he's there for now.

You and your son are doing a great job, and I wish all of you nothing but the best. Again, lt me know if you want me to delete this post.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 5/16/2009 8:46 PM (GMT -6)   

Angel8, I know that you imagine Kadan getting to the point and leaving the hospital with his mother. I spent 7 years as a CPS worker. I hope that what I have to say can help you. The CPS workers are supposed to do what is in Kadan's best interest. The difficult part is they don't do that from your son's view point or yours. I have seen a similar cases and CPS either required the mother to prove she had a place and the ability to take care of the child. Because of the past history, we would then monitor the child while the mother had custody. There is noting wrong with somone talking to CPS. In fact, if the hospital has any concerns, they are a mandatory reporter. As per what you and your son could do. He needs to keep a record of every time he has visited and how long he was there. Someone needs to document when she has been there. When your son does something to provide for Kadan's needs, that needs to be recorded as well. If it ever went to court and the issue comes up, when did he visit and when did he provide for Kadan's needs he needs to be able to be very specific. You and your son need to be careful not to appear to be against her which is difficult to do when emotions are all wrapped up. Remember, it is Kadan's best interest that they will be looking at. It is not enough to show that she is not able to take care of Kadan, but that your son is. As per her being in a clinic or living in a recovery house, people from those agencies can also provide evidence that she was able to get a ride or bus money verses her just not wanting to go. I wish I could give you a simple formula to follow to see Kadan go with your son if that is what your son wants. If I think of any more advise, I will pass it along. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 5/17/2009 4:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Angel, I really feel for you. This has been so hard on you. But you must gently pat yourself on the back. You have done a wonderful joy in all of this. You have given it your all.

I wish that her doses were being lowered instead of increased. These people at the clinic are most certainly aware that she will have a newborn to be responsible for. Is CPS aware of this? What in the world are these people thinking? I am sorry, Angel. I am out of line. You have enough frustration of your own without me bringing that up. I know you are thinking the same thing.

I have been following these posts since the start. My heart does go out to you, your son and baby Kaden. I sicerely wish all of you the best. I appreciate you keeping all of us informed on what is going on. You know you are cared for here and we all support you. Try and get some much needed rest for yourself. I am sure this added stress hasn't been good for you and your pain. Take care of yourself. You have done everything that you could have done. He is one lucky baby to have a grandma like you to stand up for him as you have done.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 5/19/2009 5:21 AM (GMT -6)   

Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back here to let you all know again how I value each of the inputs and thoughts as here. Believe me Ii am taking something from each of you and using it to help me make this the best I can for Kadan.

He is unfortunately still in NICU. My Son and his Mother were suppose to report to the hospital on Sunday evening to stay via a private room set up for them and Kadan off of the Nicu so the staff could make sure they knew how to care for him once they released him,give him his meds,and basic care since he has spent the entire 3 weeks and one day of his life being taken care of by nurses with the exception of those 30 minutes around the clock every 3 hours.

It didnt happen. On Sunday morning after they cut his doses of morphine and pheno-barb he again became agitated,not sleeping comfortably,throwing up his formula,just really really restless so again they had to score him to high to leave the hospital.

I feels so guilty as I actually felt an overwhelming relief that he couldnt leave. It is so scary and I feel so helpless to change anything. I know he should be with his Mother and out of there being nurtured like any normal baby at that age but yet I am scared to death. They had to go on Saturday to the pharmacy and fill his morphine and P.B. that he would be on at home and I kept thinking from  a medical prof. view how crazy this was,how little amount over the dose would render him unconscious,stop his breathing,just like that and how irresponsible his Mother is,how zonked out of her head she is most days. I have first hand experience from her and my sons past that she isnt and cannot reason,she doesnt comprehend and process info as rational. She could make a mistake that might cost Kadan the ultimate.

I may be over reacting here and I am sure I am, I buried a child younger then Kadan and I know what kind of mind altering life changing pain that would cause my Son and I,not to mention the rest of this family. I too am a Mother and my kids have and always will come first in my life and my instincts are trying to protect my son and at the same time be fair to her.

I have completey overturned my life to make sure I am here and my son is near his son. We lived more then 60 miles from the hospital,my son doesnt drive,there was nowhere for him to stay here,my car is so so old and on its last leg and that is no joking here. I make less then $900 a month which in itself is hard to scratch out a living on under the best of circumstances and this is well worst then I could have ever imagined it could be.

We have now been in a extendastay,like a motel kinda but with weekly rates and furnished kitchen for all 3 weeks. My bills didnt get paid at my apartment and well you can guess they are not on anylonger. I couldnt keep him up here and pay all of those too!

I see no way to ever catch up with the amounts of the origional bills and the reconnect fee's as well. I have known since Kadan was born and began this journey that we would have to move here,closer too him and where he will reside with his Mom. Taking care of this $40 a night and trying to make sure there is gas in the car and food to eat is getting the best of me and not making it easy to have money to find a place here. This is a much larger town then where we live and things are way more expensive here. I am in a dilema as what to do here. If we go back home I cannot get my Son down here,probably not even once a day and I know that wontbe good.

I have the responsibility of my 11 year old as well as my disabled 20 year old daughter whom is not getting any benefits at this time,she was on SSI as a child and when she turned 19 she lost her SSI and due to paperwork that she didnt get back to SS in time she was denied. She was living in her own apartment doing pretty good but she wasnt real good at checking her mail and such and it didnt get in at the deadline. She lost her SSI and her medical card and all benefits so she is back with me and even though we have reapplied it can and will be a long road especially since she has not been able to afford to go to her Docs in some time so her medical records are sorely lacking,something we all know is important for SS. She was scheduled for thyroid surgery when she lost her medicaid so she is still dealing with all that,bad thyroid problems on top of her origional disability.

My Son is still just barely 18 and he was working at home on a farm and well he couldnt be there and here too. He is working for a friend of mine sporadically when they need him but not enough to do any of us much good.

Now to top all that off I got notified yesterday via mail that the last knee surgery I had has some glich in the bone screws used and they can break off and float around in the knee,this may be why I am having so much trouble with that knee I dont know I have not had time to go have the MRI to find out what is going on and I dont see what difference it would make as I sure cant have surgery at this time.

I can tell you Kadan Mother did not visit for 2 entire days this weekend though and I know they said something about it to my Son at the hospital and he was asked if he would be "living"with Kadan and his Mother when he got out of the hospital and he told them no and the Nurse told my son that she and the other Nurses had noticed that Mom doesnt seem to take the initiative in Kadans care even when they are there together,she lets my Son do most of the care and they are a little more then concerned about her reactions and actions to him.

She slept all day yesterday and my Son tried calling her time and time again and they kept telling them she was still in bed.

I have no idea why I am spilling all this but maybe hoping someone has some suggestions as my mind is so full I cant even think of any answers or steps to take here.

You all have been so kind and so informative maybe you all can see things I cant right now.

I feel like I am losing my mind and everything else at this point and I virtually am!

FJ,PAlady,Laurie,thanks so much for following this thread and for all the support and guidance you each have brought here for us, I cant ever thank you all enough.

I am going to go read someother posts now as this at least will remind me I am not the only one here with problems.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 5/22/2009 10:02 PM (GMT -6)   

Angel today you came to mind.  I was worried about how kaden is doing.

Any update yet?


39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD
Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea
Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all

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