I too had 5 kids when I disabled out and they have been thru the entire gamat with me. They went from buying mall clothes to Walmart in a matter of days literally and it wasnt easy for me to handle, I think sometimes it was more me then them really. It bothered me far more then it did them.
I can honestly say that we kept talking,I let them know everything that was happening to me and why it was happening,I found out early that their biggest fear was of the unknown and this was true for all of them no matter how old they each were.
They were afraid that I was going to die literally and I saw them distancing themselves or clinging helplessly depending on the child we are talking about,each one reacted differently.
Once the understood that i was not in fact going to die from what was going on but that my life was going to change dramatically and they in turn would experience changes due to that changing then they seemed to even out and do ok.
They had everything done for them up to this point as I was a firm believer that their only job at that age was to go to school get good grades and enjoy their childhood and I was so worried that they couldnt handle the extra burden I was about to place on them with my inability.
I worried for nothing it seems as they all did wonderful. They learned life altering and things,things that taught them compassion and empathy,things I am not sure when or how they would have otherwised learend being taken care of and not being the caretakers as they each became.
They all could do laundry,clean house,think for themselves responsibly if I was having a bad day or was in the hospital which early out was alot. They became very independant beings and today as adults most of them are doing far better then I was at their age and all of them are in the people oriented service,helping others,or on their way to degree's in college slated towards helping others,it seems they grew into it by living it.
Kids are more resilient then we give them credit for many times and again the extent of this also depends on the child as each are different in their actions and reactions.
You may have to change the how of it but not the why as you love them just the same as you always did showing it in your mind is just finding a different means.
I do want to say here that adequate pain management has to play a huge part here because until our pain is controlled properly nothing else happens right? I urge you to talk to your Doc let them know how it is going and what and how the pain levels are effecting your everyday life and rasing your kids. Let them know honestly that you have to reach good pain control so that you can function as a parent and take care of yourself and your kids.
Once that happens all else will even itself out for you.