Posted 6/9/2009 7:58 PM (GMT -6)
I just feel so bad for you.
If I could offer another interpretation of PALady's comments (without assuming that my interpretation is necessarily what she actually meant:
When I got into my car accident, I couldn't sleep for 3 days. Every time I would close my eyes, I would see the smoke & steam from the radiator again. It was horrifying. I was so angry. More than anything, I was mad at God b/c I prayed & prayed for a bit of relief to be able to sleep. I even tried sleeping pills to no avail. Well, it forced me to go a different route b/c I was beside myself between the sleep, the anxiety & not being able to walk. As it turned out, it was a blessing in disguise. The ER had missed that I had a pretty bad concussion. The neurologist said he wasn't sure how they missed it, but that if I would have gone to sleep it was quite likely that I would never have woken up. So, sometimes what we are most angry about (& rightly so) and wishing more than anything would change, turns out to be for our benefit. I won't say that if I had it all to do over again that I wouldn't still be wishing for sleep & shaking my fists at God in rage, but looking back I realize that not sleeping for a few days was far preferable to the alternative.
Who knows what the reason is for you not getting your benefits? But one possibility is that there is some undiagnosed problem that only God knows about that would become dangerous or more painful or something if you were to get the SCS. Sure, there are other possibilities (maybe WC is just evil) but I think perhaps you are right to say that at some point you need, for your own mental health benefit, to accept what is & try to make the most of it. Who knows whether having to wait another year, or two years, or five years, might end up getting you a much safer, stronger, better SCS unit that is 1000x better than the ones we can get today. I know that the technology is evolving at lightening speed so maybe that is the silver lining.
As another option, I am wondering whether it would be possible for you to get into a trial group for one of the newer models. I'm not sure what's out there right now, but I know that there have been SCS trials done in Missouri in the past, so maybe it wouldn't be out of the question. Of course, WC would have to agree to still keep paying for your meds & doctor's visits, but maybe that is one way that you could get the implant without having to jump through so many hoops. Just a thought. I know trials sometimes get a bad wrap, but the SCS technology would not be completely new, it would just be an improvement on what already exists. It is not without risks, but there are definitely benefits to be had as well.
Anyways, I will keep praying for you to find treatment & relief through one way or another.