Just thought I would check in.

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 6/11/2009 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey all.  I hope that this post finds each of you well and with less pain.  I wanted to update you on what is going on.  I went to the Psychologist today and......I'm not real tickled with the ideas but, as always I'll go along and try to do what I can on my part to make this work.
Anyway, my appointment with my new Psychologist was interesting as well as troubling to me.  I spent 50 min. listening to him tell me that 3 other psychologists are reporting that I HIDE my pain and do not tell my doctors the TRUTH as to how much pain I am really in.  This kinda of irritated me, but well if my doc wants me to do this then so be it.
I don't know what each of you talk to your psychologists about, but it seems that for the next year (yes I said a year) I will be writing in a journal about how my childhood was both good and bad, what I do each day and what helps and doesn't help to relieve my pain, as well as other things that will be addressed at each meeting.
He wants to see me once a week for the next year but unfortunately since I cannot drive myself 150 miles to Wichita, I will have to cut this time down.  Hubby is preparing to start "Harvest Season" and will not be allowed to take anytime off during the next two weeks (looks like this will be starting at the end of the month).  He''ll be working about 10 hours a day 7 days a week for two weeks straight and with the price of the psychologist visit.....I don't know how much I am going to be able to afford out of my pocket.
I apologize if any of my sentences do not make any sense, I took my night meds (2 Kadian...a percocet...2 Robaxin, a 20 mg Lexipro, 1 celebrex and 1 Lunesta) a few min ago and it seems that it is catching up with me fast. 
Anyway.....I want to get you all's take on what you talk to your psychologist about during your visits.  You don;t have to go into detail, but is your childhood and any bad relationship apart of this?
Gotta go for now....I'm sleepy and gotta go to sleeeeep.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!
Your friend
P.S.  Again I apologize for the confusion in my post and probably a few typos as well as some grammatical errors.
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 6/11/2009 9:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Scarred,

Thanks for the update! Boy, the hoops that you have to jump through.... A whole year?! Wow. And what is this about hiding your pain? Wouldn't that work to your disadvantage, as in you wouldn't be getting the treatment you deserve... So shouldn't they do something about it, rather than use it as an excuse NOT to do something? Oh, I don't know, that confuses me... I think I need to put this brain to bed.

I'm glad to here that you are hanging in there still! We miss you! It was fun chatting with you tonight! You should take a picture of that garden of yours. I'd love to see it!


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 6/12/2009 12:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Scarred,

"Anyway, my appointment with my new Psychologist was interesting as well as troubling to me. I spent 50 min. listening to him tell me that 3 other psychologists are reporting that I HIDE my pain and do not tell my doctors the TRUTH as to how much pain I am really in. This kinda of irritated me, but well if my doc wants me to do this then so be it."

I dont hide my pain (Just looks that way from outside in) I just was (sometimes still am) unable to relay what is going on to others. My psychologist and I worked on all aspects of pain, encluding how to effectivly communicate to others what I am feeling. Before passing out hopefully...
Okay, not much more I can add. Seems like your doctor is alot differant from mine. Miss Mary and I always had alot to do.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 6/12/2009 1:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Scarred, Sometimes we are at a loss for words about the expert care and professional medical treatment we experience. I am alot mellower than I used to be. In one of my first psych. classes, I was known to make comments that weren't always geared at helping the class understand principles and basics of psychology. During the break in the class, a large class that was 3 hours long, the professor walked over to where I was sitting and asked me why I was in his class. My response is not one I suugest to students who are looking for good grades. I told him I was taking the class so when I was thrown in an institution, I would under stand my treatment. The moral of my story is sometimes we won't understand what we are being asked to do, we just know that if we want to proceed we just have to go through those wonderful hoops. Maybe we can give you some great answers to some of the questions and have the guy all mixed up. It could prove to be very interesting. Just keep us posted as to how the Hour of Power goes. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 6/12/2009 3:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Basically, because I am a "the glass is half full" kind of gal, always perky, try to keep a positive attitude and not keep dwelling on things that I have no control over is why I am apparently not communicating my real pain to my doctors. I have always been this way and the Psychologist thinks that I need to tone that down.

I cannot change who I am, can I? I mean I have always had a very upbeat attitude ever since I was a small child. He thinks that something happened in my childhood to make me the way I am, but I think that its because I had a mom that was very religious and kept the negative at a minimum in our lives is the reason why I am who I am. Also my dad always taught us kids that we don't go around putting our hearts out on our sleeves for all to see. If your hurt, you dust yourself off and don't be a baby about things.

You have to realize it was the 70s when I was brought up and things that are now open to discussion were taboo back then. You didn't talk about your feelings or discuss things like this. Certain topics were taboo back then and that was how I was brought up. What is wrong with that? I mean I turned out okay.

Maybe that is why it irritates me so much that the tv ads are so explicit. Things like sex, personal matters that deal with "that time of the month" and things like that bother me so much. I'm a kind, fun loving, happy gal that doesn't think that all should be bared in front of others.

But hey that's just me. I am who I am. I don't pretend to be someone I am not. The scary part about is.....what if I can't change? What if this is how it is? Uggg this is just making me crazy.



P.S. It's 3:30am Central time and I'm up because I can't sleep.
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 177
   Posted 6/12/2009 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I only visited a shrink once and it took me, literally, less than 60 seconds to get kicked out. Never liked their kind. A friend of mine has had some very bad experiences with them.

I don't say psychological problems don't exist, but there is a limit and shrinks tend to blame everything on a bad childhood or something similar. Diseases are like trends, they come and go, so do specialists. Shrinks usually try to change someone and why? Just because you don't seem to fit what they perceive as "normal". The world is a big place with a lot of different customs and attitudes not to mention the wide variety of upbringing. In the mind of shrinks the line between a devout religious person or an obsessed maniac is very thin. A caring person with a high degree of personal morality is often "out of touch with the real rough world". And people in the military are usually labelled warmongers.

Don't change! Ads are created by people who want to make moey, that's all. It is perfectly normal you don't agree with certain aspects of a society. It would be abnormal if you would agree with all the junk they try to shove down our throats (media-wise). Stay you're kind sweet self and let no-one convince otherwise.
To stand and be still at the Birkenhead Drill is a mighty bullet to shew.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 6/12/2009 4:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I haven't responded here yet because I haven't got my head together enough on this issue in relation to your life.

As you know I've got some professional background here, but am NOT here to give professional advice. So I can only step back and say I don't think something is right here. But then I've been saying that to you for awhile regarding the whole W.C./SCS issue. I don't know for sure, but it seems to me they're just using psych issues as a way of getting out of paying for the SCS. Because NOTHING makes sense to me as a professional as to why you wouldn't be allowed to have the stim trial based on psych issues. At least not based on anything I've read here in your posts.

If there were issues relating to past misuse of certain substances, then the SCS would help you to decrease the meds you're taking. So that makes no sense.

As far as dredging up childhood issues as a way to help you with your pain, that, IMHO is also a farce. But a lot of therapists think that way (not all, Morgoth!). It's just too bad you're limited in your selection of mental health professionals. A good pain psychologist would teach you many skills, and if he/she really thought some old issues were unresolved (and we all have those!) unless they could prove these were close to a direct cause of your pain (pretty hard to do) the SCS trial would still not be contraindicated, even as you were staying in therapy to deal with these issues. AND the thing is dredging up old stuff may actually increase your pain needlessly. I can't say whether or not processing some repressed emotions would help or not; sometimes they ARE related to our pain (not saying they're the cause - that's different), but I would ask that therapist what end treatment goals HE has for you (you should be the one involved collaboratively in determing the treatment goals, by the way)....and is it for you to be able to put many of these things on a backburner and move on with your life? Because that's what you're already doing.

Yes, there may be some pent up things there regarding your family which have recently been stirred up, but there's no magical time frame - like a year - in which these things will be resolved. Grief counseling might be more appropriate - and I think that's something we all need because of the losses we continue to experience in life, not the least of which is loss of control over our own darned health care!

Sorry if I went off on a bit of a rant. I just want to help you stop questioning yourself or doubting yourself. If this therapy is a hoop you need to go through for the SCS, you need to ask yourself if it's a hoop you want to go through. That is NOT the same thing as saying I think you're "doomed" to a life of pain. Please don't think that! What I mean is we all have choices at some point, but some times those choices narrow, and that's true for all of us here. I think it's very unfair of W.C. not to give you at least a trial with the S.C.S. so you would know if it even has a shot at helping you. And if you want to fight for that trial, then you go girl and you've got all my support. But try to do it from more of an empowered position, and if this theraist is going to take you apart and then try to put you back together again, I'd be asking him why. Seriously. You don't need to ask out of anger, but tell hiim how long you have to drive to get there, and you really want to know and thoroughly understand what the direction is of the therapy. The most helpful approaches would probably be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) which are skill based. A psychoanalytic approach, while it can be helpful for some who really need it or want to do personal growth work, is generally not considered the most useful approach. So don't be afraid to ask your therapist what approaches he plans to use, and to nicely ask what his training is in these areas. Tell hiim you want to learn all you can, and that should be true anyway, so you can make informed choices.

And above all remember, Moonlight is on tonight!



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 6/12/2009 8:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok this is what I derived from the session this week; I am too happy too much (apparently this shows that I hide things from my doctors). I don't believe that this was right but apparently three psychologists have decided this from my tests (ha ha ha). Secondly, I am going (and am) to keep a journal of what I do each day and how it affects my pain. Then I am to write down the good things and the negative regarding my childhood which we will broach next session whether its relevant or not.

PA; WC is not paying for this and they are not involved at all in this part of the process. This was asked for by the psychologist that did my scs eval and from my doctor. He said that doc is going to be a little leanant on a few things, but we must address a few things (one is my childhood a bit and second is my past relationships). He said that he wants to make sure that when they do the SCS that I will have the best chance for success that he can give me.

Of course I still don't understand but hey I'll go and see what can and will help. I hope that this helps anyway LOL


What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16796
   Posted 6/13/2009 3:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Gads, this whole SCS and comp issue has been totally blown out of proportion as best as I can tell. I truly believe comp is doing nothing but throwing out more curve balls to avoid paying for the SCS. When will they run out of balls to throw and hoops to jump thru.
I have to say I disagree alot with this new psychologist's thoughts. What is wrong with how you were brought up? If nothing else your upbringing has been very beneficial in you being able to handle all the crap that has been thrown your way since this whole thing started.Let me back up, it has also helped you recover and try to live after all of your surgeries. I would have to ask this person, now if I came in here whining to you about this incredible pain and how I cannot stand being in this kind of pain all these years, you would then see me as a person that is dwelling on their pain too much, maybe even be told I am malingering. You can bet Scarred that is exactly what he would say. This is all just too wrong. You are an intelligent woman, you know how to handle yourself at the drs appts and how to relay to the dr how much pain you are in. How in the world does this guy think you have got to the point you have in your treatment. I would have to throw that scenario at him, this is just a crock of doo doo, sorry.
Maybe I am just stupid, but my understanding is this SCS is to help with your pain and it is done without adding more pain medications, so what is the big deal here with this new dr. I need to stop here, I am getting really mad at this whole thing and I will end up getting my posted edited or deleted lol. Hugs, Susie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 6/13/2009 5:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Susie; I know how you feel hun. This whole thing has been very stressful on me and my husband. Each of us deal with our pain at different levels. If you sat there and denied that you were in a lot of pain you'd be classified as "In denial" but if your too happy then your "not dealing". What is up with that?

I have been a happy go lucky person from the time I was....god for my whole life. Always trying to think the best of people and trying hard to enjoy life to its fullest. For this I am crucified. It just doesn't make sense. I swear that if I have to go through one more hoop after this I will go bonkers!

Its a shame that us who are dealing with our pain have to deal with things like this. They say that they are just now beginning to understand pain and its affects on people but I say they are wrong. They don't know what pain's affects are on anyone. One person may have pain and be a rock through it all while another person might just sit in a corner and cry. It's all personal.

HOOPS suck!!


What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 6/13/2009 10:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Ok let me try this again. My laptop shut down in the middle of posting..lol

I'm also a very happy person. I believe in laughter, I believe in positive thinking, I believe in smiling and I believe in finding the positive in every being. If this is a fault then so be it! I believe this is what gets me through the complications of my life. And that all they are, are complications.

I have been told on here that hiding your pain is a sign of depression I have to politely disagree. I just handle my pain differently. I take anti depressants for my pain but am not clinically depressed.

So in a nutshell I agree with you. Therapy is not going to take the pain away. Therapy teaches you skills as PAlady stated. Help you continue to deal with issues old and new.

Sounds like WC and SCS are using the therapy to find faults instead of what its meant for.

Thank you for the update and I hope you keep updating us on this roller coaster your on.

39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD
Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea
Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 6/13/2009 12:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Scarred:
While I was waiting to get approved for the SCS trial I had a nervous breakdown because of my pain level and because I was trying to come to grips with the fact that it was becoming more and more difficult to go to work everyday, and I was going to have to give up a job that I loved very much. 
Because of the breakdown, my doctor asked me to see a psychologist once just to make sure that I was o.k. and that I didn't have unreal expectations of what the SCS was going to do for my pain (he wanted to make sure that I realized that it wasn't a miracle device that was going to take all of my pain away, or that I wasn't going to have to take pain meds anymore).
I don't see how any of what this doctor wants you to do relates at all to the SCS, or how it's going to make it work any better or worse.  The SCS either works or it doesn't, your frame of mind and your childhood are not going to make an "electronic device" work better or worse.  And you have to wait through a year of this crap (and pay for it our of your own pocket) before they will approve or not approve the SCS.
Do you have a lawyer representing you with WC?  If not, I think I would look into getting one, and request a hearing to try and get this crap stopped and get the SCS trial approved. 
I hope I didn't stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but this just makes me so angry! 

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16796
   Posted 6/13/2009 4:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Amen BlueJet! I am in total agreement. What they have done to Scared is criminal as far as I am concerned. How can any of this remotely change your pain perception. I was under the care of a psychologist for quite awhile and we never talked one time about crap like this. Hugs, Susie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1235
   Posted 6/13/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I also think that these hoops they keep tossing in your direction are just ridiculous. Yes, therapy might teach someone better coping mechanisms if they don't already have them and some out there don't, but I d on't believe you are one of those people. People tell me that I am a rock after what I've been through, but they haven't sat in my house with me, late at night, while I have tears streaming down my face, trying not to make noise to wake my kids up or my husband because I don't want them to worry anymore than they already do....thankfully, those nights like that were short lived, in my self pitying days, but I certainly had them. I wasn't clinically depressed, more like trying to learn how to adjust to my "new normal" after finding out that if my surgeon had just listened to me once, my whole loosing my ability to walk more and more each passing day could have been avoided. Or on the nights after I found out that I was going to have to self cath for the rest of my life.....and how humiliated I was at the mere thought that a two year old could control their bladder and bowels but I can't....those were some really bad nights....but it was, as I said, a huge, one after another rock thrown at me, trying to learn how to adjust to all of this...but adjust I did.
I think in your case, it is that they are continuing to throw those rocks in your direction, so that either you throw your hands up in the air and surrender to not pursuing the scs or you close out this wc case...
I hope that you don't, in fact, I think that you will finally get the scs, but only after they find that you are one tough lady, one who knows what she needs and is going to get it. No matter what they do.
If you do learn something that you didn't know before, then I hope that it turns out to be helpful to you, to your family, not merely a waste of more time.
I know that you must be tired some days, after all that you have been put through, but hang in there.
You will win this battle. I know it.
PLIF/TLIF Fusion w/Instrumentation L4-5 Spondololysthesis L4-5.Laminectomies L4-5, foraminal stenosis L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, herniations L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, central canal stenosis L3-4, L4-5 and L5-S1
POST OP CES 3/30-06
Neurogenic Bladder and Bowel, bilateral numbness legs and feet
Revision for failed Back surgery, pseudoarthrosis L4-5, hemilaminectomies L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, bmp added to revision fusion, replaced two bent screws that were reversing out of vertebrae - August 2, 2007
On going back pain and neuropathic pain, failed back surgery, consult for scs, decided not to do that at this point.
Adhesive Arachnoiditis also......just what I didn't need..9/08- adding bilateral ulnar neuropathy with severe compression to the mix. They want me to see a surgeon for ulnar nerve surgery, but I'm not biting.
I've seen enough surgeons over the last few years.

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