I was about
to head off to bed, as I've barely slept in the last few days (horrible nightmares on top of all my normal problems) & over the last several weeks, but especially the last several days, my vision & function of my eye has drastically changed for the worse, so I'm having a real hard time seeing, let alone reading (I will be calling my doc first thing in the morning), BUT, I just saw this thread & knew that I had to respond. Okay, that's more than enough about
me, that's not why I am writing, YOU are the one who needs love & attention right now, and I don't want to take away from that.
Your post had tears coming out of my eyes. I'm serious. I'm just so frustrated, and heartbroken, and mad, and scared for you! Life just seems to be throwing you curve ball after curve ball & it just isn't FAIR! Why does it seem that the best people always seem to be dealt the worst cards? Palady, you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know!! You are so compassionate and caring, and wise. You are always the first to offer comfort and support and reassurance. I don't understand why God is being so hard on you.
I wish that I could be there for you in person & give you a great big comforting hug & a shoulder to cry on! I can't imagine how scared you must be, with your insurance ending, this new, "unknown" diagnosis, as well as all the changes that you have to make (no m&m's, or comfort food, which is HUGE to us in the world of CP
). I know that you are so tired of being disappointed. It is very very hard on you emotionally, grieving such losses. As if we didn't have enough physical problems, alone, to deal with! But try not to think of everything at once. I know you have to; you have to deal with these things, but what I mean is, if you can, try to take things slowly. Don't get too far ahead of yourself, if you can help it. Take things one step at a time. One day at a time. One hour at a time! I know that you'll get through this! You are SO strong!! And we are all here to support you -- in any way we can.
As for raising your head at night - I know that is going to be REALLY hard for you with your neck! You have a hard enough time finding a good pillow to use, and now, you are expected to change your sleeping arrangement?! I know that you don't have the money right now, or not in the foreseeable future, but I sure wish that there was some way that we could get you some kind of electric bed, that allowed you to create an incline, so that you could still sleep with your head raised, without jeopardizing your neck!
Have you been talking to anyone? A therapist, or even your cousin? I know you know how to handle things like this professionally & that you can talk freely with us, but it still might be helpful to talk with someone in person (again, how I wish I could be there for you!). I'm worried about
you! You really are like family, and I hate to see you hurting so much, both physically, economically, and emotionally! Please, do email me ANY time, day or night, if you need to talk - you know I don't sleep! I really do feel love for you & others on this forum, and care about
you deeply! Please remember that. And if there is anything, anything
that I, or we, as a forum can do to ask, don't be afraid to ask us! We all
Sending you all the love & hope, and positive thoughts I can muster! You are always in my thoughts & prayers, but I will try to step it up a level for you
! (((((((((((((((((Palady))))))))))))))))))). Sending you big, soft, gentle hugs - the kind that make you feel so safe and warm!
Please take care of yourself! Let yourself cry & grieve as much as you need to, it's part of the healing process!
Many hugs & love,