Once again my HW family is there for me...I cannot thank all of you enough for the advice and encouragement you have given me. I know that everyone here has so much going on in their own lives, and I just thank you for taking the time out to help me. It means so much to me.
I have been so worried about what my Dr. might or might not do for me that I have sent myself into severe anxiety attacks. That is something I don't know much about, but I know it feels like I'm having a heart attack. I have to call my Dr. and whatever happens....well, let's just say I won't know until I try.
I am afraid that she will help me but tell me to find another Dr. I really love the Dr.'s and nurses there and would hate to have to find another PM clinic to go to. But, I guess I have no choice but to put it in their hands on Monday.
I have enough methadone to get me through until maybe Wednsday....longer if I cut the dose. I hate doing that because I wake up every hour in pain and nothing helps.
I have always kept my meds in a lock box, locked. This time I had gotten my meds out and set the box down on my headboard to go get a drink from downstairs.... I guess I forgot about it, and then Wham!!
I don't think he planned it ahead of time, I think he was so mad at me at the moment and saw the box out and took a chance that it wasn't locked. I am so greatful that he didn't take anything. I could NEVER forgive myself if something happened to him because of my carelessness.
So, for now I'm just self inducing panic attacks on myself. I keep having nightmares and I know it's from all of this.
And, I started insulin last week and that's another stressful thing. My blood sugar levels are through the roof. I have heard that high sugar levels and CP are a bad mix. That they can effect each other in bad ways. So, I have to wait until Monday and hope for the best....
Love to all,