I can assure you none of us here ever wanted to quit or lose our jobs because of our health issues. We made much more money working than we can possbily can ever receive from any type of disability benefit. Not only was monetary issues involved, but feeling like an active member of society, being a productive person and above all feeling normal. As strange as it may sound I still pray to have my health returned to me, I don't think I am alone when I make that statement either.
I know you felt we were being hard on you-we probably were but only in a sense of trying to get your attention. Whether you want to admit it or not you have made improvements since surgery. The old pain is gone, that is a wonderful improvement in itself and that should have told you something. You are building more and more strength as every day passes. When it comes to surgery there never is a quick fix. Perhaps this has been your first surgery and you did not know what to expect, I am not sure.
I have watched you go from an upbeat person who was going to have her surgery and do well, to someone that seems to be thinking she is not really going to get any better and you are spending too much time thinking that way. That kind of thinking will hand you nothing but trouble. You are letting the bumps in the road have way to much importance. You were somewhat hesitant when you were put in PT, it showed in your posts. PaLady and many others have explained the importance of rehab after back surgery. It is just as critical as the surgery itself. You cannot allow denial to take over with your health. You are a nurse you should know these things.
I do know you love your job but trying to go back too soon and then not being able to handle it could hand you more trouble than you think. Your employer will expect you to be able to do your job when you return. If you go back and are unable to do the job, the employer may look at you in a different light. Need to think about that.
I have thought much about the new pain you are having. I am wondering if alot of this is more of a structure type problem left over from pre-surgery days. Meaning how you walked and carried yourself when you were in such bad shape before surgery. If you think about it, you were not walking or even carrying your weight correctly where it would be distributed evenly all over. Now, that pain is gone your body is re-adjusting to a correct posture and distribution of weight. Think about it. Its a thought, have seen it before. Kind of like injuring a knee and over working the good knee type of thing. This is where your PT will pay off.
Everyone here wants you to be well and be able to return to work. But trying to force the issue when you are not ready physically is not a good thing.
Moderator Chronic Pain
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Swveral other health issues just not enough roo to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.