I tried to post this last night and then ofcourse poof it was gone. I didn't have the energy to start all over. I will try again now. I am going to have to make it quick b/c I have to start getting ready. My BP and pulse rate has been way high since my Fri. night meltdown. I know alot of this is stress and anxiety related. And I have also noticed as getting older, it is getting harder to control. I don't want to go to the dr. today. But I am going. I think I need to rest. For the past couple weeks, it seems like almost everyday I have an appt. of business I have to go tend to. I just seem like I always have somewhere I have to go to. There are alot of personal business things I have been dealing with, I am too ashamed and embarassed to pos t here. I know I am depressed. And I also know I don't want to go on a antidepressant. I take the elavil mainly for insomnia, the component to help w/ the pain, and also for the antidepressant effect. I don't want another med to take. I take alot already. And I know that this depression is situation and circumstance related and due to the pain I have been in for almost a year now. I probably do need to go talk to someone. My emotiions are pretty high and I have been crying a great deal lately. I know that doesn't help my BP any either. I have thought about
and then dismissed going for counseling. I know now, that I need to do that too. My mental health isn't great at the moment. There is just so much I am having to deal with. And all these business dealings isn't helping any. I have always been honest with you all. Although, I know I don't have to but choose to, because you already know so much about
me and my life, I will tell. I have been seeking public assistance for food stamps and for help with my electric bill. That is something I am very ashamed of. I have never done this before. I have always done it on my own. My husband is not working. He has been looking. There is some things he has to get straight in his life. His DL expired and he has a huge fine for this-$225. We can't pay this right now so that he can get a job. He has been looking for work. He is not just content to stay home as he was before. This is bothering him severely too. He has done some major changes in his life, and is now a good husband to me. The only problem is he isn't working... and that is a big one, I know. Well, if he doesn't get back to work before I return to work, he will keep Kendalyn at home. I will not put her in daycare while he isn't working. Money is just so tight right now. All the PT visits, doctors visits, gas, meds, groceries is getting to be too much... I am also majorly stressed, b/c I am wondering how long I will be able to keep my car. I filed bankruptcy and I can't even make those payments. I am way behind on them. I am so scared they will dismiss my case and repo my car!!!! That is a definite possibility... So yes, I am depressed. Then my daughter cries often b/c she misses her friends at daycare. I had to pull her out b/c I couldn't afford it anymore. So, there is just so much.