Posted 8/4/2009 3:13 PM (GMT -7)
Five Doctors Duck Hunting

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physcian, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!!
The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

 

devil  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/8/2009 10:42 PM (GMT -7)
 
rolleyes  
I can't find the cause of your pain
 
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
 
smhair  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/8/2009 10:59 PM (GMT -7)
 

shakehead

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."

The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."

So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"

The doctor nodded, "It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"

smilewinkgrin



TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/11/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -7)

smilewinkgrin  

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman -- already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
 
turn  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/11/2009 11:53 AM (GMT -7)
Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

devil  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/20/2009 9:18 AM (GMT -7)
 
 
Chronic Laziness
 
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me?"

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/20/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -7)

 

Tooth Pull

A man and a wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says," I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or novacaine because I am in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You are a brave woman." says the Dentist, " which tooth is it?"

The wife turns to her husband and says," open your mouth and show the Dentist which tooth it is, dear."

smhair


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/20/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)

 

     "...Women complain about pre menstral syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

~~Roseanne

devil  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/22/2009 6:15 PM (GMT -7)
An Irish Mental Institution

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave.

This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike.

They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files.

The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.

"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go.

Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.

Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him.

The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what would happen?"

"I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought.

"What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"

"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that he had just gotten his freedom.

The doctor then sent him outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, he told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were.

The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" <

"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.

This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking.

"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"

"I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."

 

smilewinkgrin  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/22/2009 6:16 PM (GMT -7)
A Brief History Of Medicine

A short history of medicine:

I have an earache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

             rolleyes rolleyes rolleyes rolleyes rolleyes


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 8/22/2009 7:14 PM (GMT -7)
A cartoon in my rhuematologists offic.

"We are running a little behind so, I would like each of you to ask yourself 'Am I really that sick or would I just be wasting the doctor's valuable time?'"




This from my rhuemy who always returns phone calls herself the same day.
Posted 9/5/2009 7:08 PM (GMT -7)
 
 
   Feel free to start your own "humor" thread or post here smilewinkgrin
 
 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Posted 9/5/2009 7:10 PM (GMT -7)
Dani,
Maybe you should change the title of the thread (you can do that using the edit feature). It's kind of a serious title, although I don't think you mean this thread to be serious!

PaLady

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