I'm back (I hope)

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 495
   Posted 7/30/2009 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
I have missed you guys! For such a long time life got so busy, and things were so stressed that I just didn't find time. Then when I did have the time I just wasn't emotionally able to handle talking to people. To put it mildly 2009 has been the worst year of my entire life. I'm hoping to be able to get back into things, and keep up here again.

As a short recap of my year:
-January 15th my Papa (grandpa) passed away

-March 6th we found out that after 8 years of trying hubby and I had been blessed with a pregnancy. I was sent to a high risk OB, and my regular OB, regular doctor, and pain doctor all were happy for us, and everyone was working with us to keep this baby healthy... my pain doctor was awesome and we found out that there was no reason for me to stop any of my medications. The baby was conceived based on the doctors dates on Valentines day, my Papa's birthday and due on my late Grandma's birthday.

-Late March to Early April I was on a trip to Virginia visiting my family like I do every year

-May 26th I ended up hospitalized due to serious stomach pain. (You chronic pain people will get this, none CPer's just dont) when you have a new pain that is worse than your "regular pain" you know it's serious. Due to my being pregnant they couldn't do the MRI they wanted, and didn't want to put me under for anything. They did two ultrasounds that came back fine so the general surgeon, my ob and I decided to give it time. They were hoping that it was just something being stuck (I've had gastric bypass surgery and having something get stuck is not all that uncommon) - after three days they did a CT of my gallbladder that was fine, and then did the thing where they stick the tube down your throat into your stomach, that showed things being fine. (They didn't put me under at all for this and it was horrible!) The doctors decided it would be more dangerous to continue to play the wait and see game than to put me under and go in to look around. When I woke up I was told that parts of my bowel had gotten stuck in an opening left by my gastric bypass surgery, they had gotten kinked, wound up, and such. The surgeon had to take them out, set them straight, repair a few parts that were damaged, put them back where they should have been, and then sew up where they had gotten stuck. The baby made it through all this just fine.

-May 31st I went home from the hospital

-June 26th we found out we were having a boy and had already picked out the name "Christopher Allen" for him

-June 30th we had a serious fire on our patio due to a smoker (used to smoke meats not a guy with a cigarette) malfunction. Luckily I was home and got myself and the animals out fine. Our patio was pretty much destroyed and the smoke got into the house which led to a lot of cleaners coming in. We were very blessed in this case as there were so many things that could have been worse that weren't.

-July 3rd I ended up back in the ER, then the OB ward after I started having some blood. Turns out that I have an incompetent cervix and part of the water sac the baby sits in had come through my cervix, and my cervix had dialated. When the ultrasound tech was doing the ultrasound Chris actually kicked his foot out of my cervix. The baby appeared fine, his heart was beating great, but we were told we probably wouldn't be able to keep him. After doing everything they could to get more fluid in the water sac (on a scale of 6-25 my water level was a 7), and everything they could to get the sac back where it should be, the water level went down and the sac came out more.

-July 4th my temperature started going up, and my blood started showing infection and we were told that we had to induce labor for me, and deliver the baby. It wasn't a choice between me making it, or the baby making it, if we didn't deliver Christopher (he was just over 1/2 way through the pregnancy, 22 weeks old out of a normal 40 week pregnancy) the infection would spread I would probably not be able to have children in the future and there was good chance I wouldn't live either. So at 12:51AM my son Christopher Allen was born into and taken from this world. I can honestly say that telling the doctors they could start inducing me knowing there was no chance he could make it was the hardest thing I have ever done and I hope to ever deal with.

-July 4th also - just as the contraction got bad the police called my husband down to the ER, someone had broken into his car in the parking lot.

-As of today we still don't have all our clothes and linens back from the restoration people, the house is cleaned of all the smoke, and my patio is still not fixed. They demo'd the walls and cleared away the trash but haven't given us a patio door that works yet (it's stuck closed from melting).

So that is how 2009 has treated me so far. I've had the happiest and saddest moments in my life in the same 6 month period. I'm still "handling" things as best as I can. I am trying hard now though, to reach back out to the people I'd sort of shut myself off from. At one point I was too busy to keep up, and then it was recovering from surgery, and after that from the hardest loss I've ever felt.

There are actually days when I wish my back hurt worse because maybe then that pain would over shadow the emotional pain I've been feeling.

I really have missed you guys, and I hope to again become an "active" member.
I'm not sure, but don't think, it's against the rules, I just did a quick look, but could have missed it. If so I figure one of the moderators will let me know and I can remove it, but if anyone is interested I have a blog at "www.doernbaby.blogspot.com". There are some pictures there, if anyone is interested, of our son. He's not scary or anything to look at, just tiny. It's also a blog with more info on what's been going on.

*hugs* to all of you
I have missed you so much.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"

Dx: Degenerative Disc Disease, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, IBS-d, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1, Bulging/Ruptured L3-L4, Sciatica, Neuropathy, Costochondritis, Reflux, Gastric Bypass Surgery 12/6/07
Rx: Kadian 50mg - every 12 hours, Percocet 5/325 - up to 4 daily, Baclofen 10mg - 3 daily, Amitriptylene 200mg - at bedtime, Prevacid Solutabs - 1 daily, various vitamins.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 7/30/2009 6:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome back!!! yeah    Hopefully you will stay around and keep us up to date on the bady stuff  smilewinkgrin
Sorry your Papa died its hard to lose grandparents even though we all know it will happen  sad
And a BIG CONGRATES on the new family member.  I love babies I had three myself!!!!
Wow I'm glad they found out what was causing the intense pain.  And you are right when you feel pain like that when you already take pain meds then something must be REALLY wrong. shocked
Picking out baby names is one of the best times during the wait yeah
Now the tears are streaming down my face  mad mad mad mad
You have had such a hard year.  I thought my year was rough yours makes my heart feel like its shattering.
I hope you will let us help support you through this emotionally intense time in your life......
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 7/30/2009 6:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Tammy,
Definitely welcome back to you, but I am so, so sorry for your losses. Losing a grandparent may be difficult, but it's expected in the progression of life, but losing that little one you had wanted so badly ....I have no words, just hugs.

I am so glad you rejoined us.



Stella Marie
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 601
   Posted 7/30/2009 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome back. Please keep us posted as to what is going on. Healing Well is a great forum with lots of understanding friends. We are all here to virtually hold your hand and support you.

Glad your back.

Stella Marie

Co-Forum Moderator for Chronic Pain

Rare neurodegenerative /movement disorder called “Multiple System Atrophy”.  Mobility issues,, neuropathic pain,  spasticity, central apnea, collagenous colitis, pain, swallowing and respitory  involvement,  Implants: intrathecal pump  & neurostimulator.  Extra features: O2 & wheelchair


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 7/30/2009 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome back! I am so sorry to hear about both of your losses! I cannot even begin to fathom how difficult the loss of your child must have been. Lean on us any time you need to!


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/31/2009 1:04 AM (GMT -6)   


    Dear TDoren,

   Good evening. My name is Dani. It is very nice to meet you. I am new here. But I did want to stop by and say I am sorry to hear of your losses. I do hope the pain in your heart eases over time. Welcome Back :-)



TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 7/31/2009 5:10 AM (GMT -6)   
TDoren, I am glad you came back. I am so sorry to hear all that you and your family have been through. You have had so much to deal with...But I am glad you are back here. We will support you as best as we can. We are here to listen. And we do care. Please keep us posted whenever you can and feel up to it. I'm sending hugs your way.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 7/31/2009 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Tammy, I read your blog. I don't know of reading anything before that has touched me like this did. You did an excellent job of expressing your feelings. I do wish I could hug you. I am so sorry that you and your family have had to go through this loss. It was such a tragedy...I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I know there isn't anything I can say to lessen your pain. But I really do care. Thank you for allowing me to view your blog. It touched me tremendously.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 495
   Posted 7/31/2009 10:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone for the kind words.

This has been the hardest year of my life and the worst not even full month of my life. I feel so blessed every day to have married the man that I did. Without him I wouldn't have made it through this in one piece. I'm glad to be back here, just the kindness you have shown already reminds me why I spent so much time here.

To be honest I'm doing as okay as I think anyone can be. Better than I thought I would be too.

"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"

Dx: Degenerative Disc Disease, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, IBS-d, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1, Bulging/Ruptured L3-L4, Sciatica, Neuropathy, Costochondritis, Reflux, Gastric Bypass Surgery 12/6/07
Rx: Kadian 50mg - every 12 hours, Percocet 5/325 - up to 4 daily, Baclofen 10mg - 3 daily, Amitriptylene 200mg - at bedtime, Prevacid Solutabs - 1 daily, various vitamins.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 7/31/2009 1:39 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome back to the board... I read through your blog, and like Anice said - it touched me tremendously... I could feel your pain as I read each word. Please know that I will keep you (and your hubby) in my prayers - I really mean that. I'm so glad you have such a wonderful, supportive husband, Tammy...

Look forward to getting to know you better...
I'm a Christian wife and mom to six boys, ages 5, 8, 10, 11, 13 and 14... I've been ill/disabled since my last child was born in 2004...

Chronic Pain Issues: Severe neck/back pain; chronic migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, burning nerve pain in hands, arms, feet
Diagnosed with: POTS/dysautonomia (heart condition, nervous system disorder that has my whole body out of whack: heart rate, breathing, pain issues, body temperature issues, etc); CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea etc etc
Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); MSIR (15mg/6x day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...
Past Meds: I've been on every pain med there is... Oxys, Dilaudid, Duragesic patches, Actiq, Fentora, Methadone and so on... I've also tried almost every muscle relaxer, nerve meds, sleep meds, etc.
Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 7/31/2009 2:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Wanted to says so very sorry on your lossess..you have my heartfelt sympathies..

and of course Welcome Back, we luv ya..

* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines


Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 7/31/2009 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi TDoern:

I, too, am so sorry for all that you have been through. Many people would not be able to cope with just one of the losses you've endured. We are here for you to lean on whenever you need us! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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