Hi friends, I just wanted to update everyone. Not that my life is all that interesting, but just wanted to let you know.
I did PT yesterday. It always makes me hurt more that evening. I don't get it. My mom asked me yesterday why I do it if it hurts me more later. I said that was a good question and I didn't have an answer to it. I do it b/c I am suposed to. My therapist had me go over to the hosp. to the fitness center and get the paperwork to join. I did that. It will only be $35 a month vs. the $40 a week I am paying for PT. That will be a big help to me financially. I'll get all that filled out and turned back in on Monday. They have all the equipment stuff, a swimming pool, whirlpool, and a sauna. I am not big into the workout thing, but I am into saving money. My therapist said he would meet me over there one day and go over the things I should do and how to do them. And the someone from the center will walk around with me to get me started too. That will help. So this is a good thing.
I had my first counseling session yesterday. I didn't get to stay too long. My PT lasted longer than usual and she had another appt. in a few minutes. It only lasted about 15-20 min. I did get to meet her and go over what we hope to do. She is a marriage and family therapist and she does specialize in many different areas, pain is one of them. She said that she does think it will help me as far as reducing anxiety and stress and that it might help with the pain I am in. Well, we will see. I am going back on Monday to get started and see what happens.
I have an appt. on Aug. 17 with my surgeon(orthopedic).At that appt. I am going to ask for him to release me to go back to work. I have almost been out for 4 months now. That is long enough. I am not meaning to sound negative, but I don't think things are going to change as far as how I feel. It hasn't as of yet and I don't think it is going to. I am left with pain, deep setted nerve pain. I feel it is b/c I waited way too long to have the surgery. I walked around like that for 10 months, knowing I needed the surgery but putting it off as long as I could... Well, it was too long. I really feel strongly about this. And I plan on getting an answer to verify what I think to be the truth when I am there. I want him to say it. Maybe he doesn't want to admit that he didn't "fix" me. Maybe that is why he keeps putting my going back to work off. Well, I don't blame him. I think he tried his best. But it was severely compressed from the nerve root from on top where the disc was pressing and from below where bone was pushing up into it. That is just the way it is. And I think it is senseless to keep postponing me going back to work. It isn't going to get any better. I have accepted that. And I am ready to suck it up and go on with what is left of my life. I want to get back to work. For finances, I have to. I can't put it off any longer. I'll wear the tens' unit and use good judgement(not picking up on the kids, or lifting anything that is heavy without help, good body mechanics, etc.) and take the pain meds when I get home. I have a rx. for the percocet but I won't take it while working. I didn't take anything before when I was suffering so bad at work. It doesn't make me feel "high" or anything. To me it isn't much different than taking a motrin or something. I guess it is b/c I am hurting... But anyway, I am dealing with children and medication. I don't want my judgement to be impaired at all. I am calling meds into the pharmacy and that is important to get it exactly right on my part. And I am giving shots to children. And talking to parents and giving information to them on what to do for their sick child. I will make it through the day, and take it when I get off work. Anyway, it is time. I don't want to prolong this anymore. It is time to get back to work. I want to be released, period. Enough is enough. I will sign whatever I have to. I am pretty much at the point to where I think I have recovered all that I am going to recover. I am not being negative or pessimistic. These are just the facts, as far as I am concerned. I am keeping in the back of my mind that it may take up to two years before I know for certain. I am not giving up hope completely. But, I want to go back to work. I don't want to wait around day after day waiting for something that isn't going to happen. And that is what I feel like I am doing. Anyway, I am going on the 17th. My plan is to start back to work on that Thursday (20th). That way I will work 2 days and then have the weekend. It will be working up to working a full week. I think that is best. I know that I always leave his office crying and all upset- crying buckets of tears, running my BP up and everything else. I am prepared this time. I will argue with him if I have to. I will do whatever I have to do. MY PT therapist said he will back me up too any way he can. There is no need in me being off from work any longer. I know it won't be easy. I know I will be hurting. But I also know that I will deal with it. I can do this. I have to. And more than that, I want to get back to work. I know it will help me emotionally, and most of all financially!!! So I will let you know when I find out...
My husband still hasn't found a job. He has been looking and trying. So, if he hasn't started working when I go back, then I am not putting the kids in daycare. I am not going to pay for daycare if he isn't working. That will also save me $680 a month in daycare expenses. I am going to make him up some flyers for home repairs etc. and post them, for evening and weekend work. He can do that and still work. I think it will work out for us this way. And the good thing about it is I won't have to take off work when the kids are sick. I can let my time build up again. I think this will work. He can get a pretty good business going on the evenings and weekends and still make some good money. So that is the plan. I won't allow him to do nothing. And this is different. He is trying to get a job and he is all down and getting depressed b/c he just can't find one. Times are hard right now. And places are downsizing and dropping hours everywhere. Economy is just not good.
I wish you all the best. I am sorry I haven't been posting much lately. And now this book! I am wishing you all a low pain day. I hope you all have a good weekend, too.