~EXHAUSTED!!!

Dear PA Lady,

       Your right, I am not. The lines were drawn last year and I was devistated for a long time. Still makes my heart ache. My friends were the only family I had.  I was devistated, angry and eventually went to therapy. I know that noone expected that a "pulled muscle" would turn into this .. this.. bone crumbling madness nearly 4years later. Noone is more shocked than my doctors and I. sheesh! I am glad I found healing well. I am glad I met other chronic pain patients. Its hard, real hard having your body do whatever it wants. Never relenting, never slowing. Never ceasing. Gosh I hope we can get this calicum stuff under control.

Dear Peircings! 

      Yes! this was so messed up... wouldnt believe it! This guy says "Do you feel better now that you see a therapist?" with an odd look. Like something was funny, that I didnt get. I turned and said "For 5 thousand dollars, Id better." And went back into my conversation.        

      Ugh! Remind me to never treat anyone like that! Lesson #2,000 learned   I have given up on anyone "understanding". You guys do, and a friend in california does. I am greatful. It was lonesome out there!

      I keep trying hard to remind myself that its just a moment in time.  And still I feel the urge to cry and hide.  Such a chicken       The teeth themselves were so costly I had to pay in three chunks. Total for teeth alone $4,000.0.. not including extra X rays, various office visits to both men.  The surgeon, for the surgical procedure,  is using all of what is allowed by insurance this year and another $ 2,000.0 out of pocket.  I know they are working hard and doing the best they can. I know there is alot they are taking in to consideration.

      The awfull part is that I grew up in extreme poverty so I literally had 20K worth of dental work done over 4yrs time, BEFORE any of this calicum absorption stuff started. Jeeze. Im gonna ask for before and after copies of XRays, I dont think anyone will mind. Maybe ill go plant a tree out back, and mourn the loss of custom shaded porcelin caps.  was 800.0 per tooth and I dont even have a thing to show for it.    Atleast all the wisdoms and 4 other molers were taken out back then. Little silver lining maybe?

     Gosh! Does my back have to sting so much on top of it all? I know I need medicine in there already!!! I dont need my back to remind me every passing MOMENT! Not gonna help the 28th get here any quicker. Jeeze. Ugh

except a spouse or housemate - or maybe even a pet.

I'll take 2 tickets for me and Mr.Bubbles! Atleast the cat knows when to keep quiet.  

...Wish we could put mean people in the time out corner.

     This turned out to be a whole heck of alot longer than I had planned.... Sorry. Thanks for your responses, makes it feel easier. And hey! One more day down

*huggs*

dani

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TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Well said Anice! You and Dani are both Angels sent here to our little family of GOOD PEOPLE! You are the karma I so often talk about coming to the good folks (all of us w/ CP!) who deserve something good to happen! You two, Skeye, PA, Chutzie, Me, Susie, Chart, Laurie, Scarred, Patti, Tina, Frances, Sandi, Splash, Merry, Harra, Skrape, Rhonda, FJ, WB and so many others that I'm forgetting>(sorry, my mind has turned to poop!!)are a blessing to me and the rest. My wife sometimes watches me writing on the comp. and asks, what are you doing? I reply "writing to my friends who need me" When I started writing here in the CP forum I was living alone and and working super long hours for a monster, so miserable and lonely! You folks helped me keep my sanity back then and I can never repay y'all for that!
Dani, so sorry for kidnapping your page! I just love all Y'all so much and I may sound corny and cheezy but I don't care! The newbee's know there is something special about this place and stick around but it's not untill they grow w/ us for a while and see all the caring, concideration, compassion and respect that we have for each other do they realize how lucky we are to have this place and our family that has grown together. I truly wish that someday, somehow we could all meet eachother. Could you imagine all the love? I'll bet it would do us all more good than any meds or procedures! A GIANT HWCP group hug!!! Yea, now we're talikn and I've talked too much so I'll give it a break now.
Dani, you are such a special person, hang tough. A year from now you'll be telling someone about what this ordeal was like and when they see your beutiful smiling face, they will never believe you!
Big Hugz from your Big Bro!
Pete
PS> I'm still buying a lotery ticket every week and when all that karma cash comes rolling in, it's gonna be time for one hell of a party and you all will be there, no exceptions!!!

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56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections once a month. 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, Joseph is on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis back in Bremerton, Wa. after 8 mo. deployment! and Pete Jr. is on The Asault Ship USS Bataan "The Jaws of the Fleet" somewhere in the Persian Gulf w/ 2,000 Marines aboard. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 

Post Edited (Pete trips again!) : 8/13/2009 6:42:37 AM (GMT-6)

Dani,
Oh, I just wish I could give you a hug, and lend you a shoulder to cry on. And I sure do understand the money end. I'm scared what may be in my future because I don't have thousands of dollars to put into my mouth, but I'm at the age when it's somewhat expected. I'm so sorry you have had to go through this twice in your life! The dentist's should be giving you some freebe by now - you know, like when you buy enough of something and your card gets punched full and you get your meal or your coffee or whatever, free!

Pete - I have to say your words about our family brought tears to my eyes!!!!

((((((((((((Dani)))))))))))))

PaLady

 

 

     Thank you all so much for your wonderful encouragment! My heart is smiling   I came online last night, very late. gosh, just so terribly sad. I think it was after 2am. I cried and cried. I dont want to know what kind of a world this would be without you guys. Its feels like I finally found home, wanting to hugg your family so much!!!  *warmest huggs*

 

     I will try very hard to stand tall. I am embarrased, but your are all right. Theres nothing I can do about any of this, except stand tall. And gosh darnit if everything is going to be out of my control, I can atleast control that aspect. I will try my hardest!

 

     I wish I didnt wake up and feel like I need to go to bed. This just rediclous. Ive got so much to do!  Maybe my body doesnt know what a bed is for    By the time I am done taking medication and rubbing gel everywhere, chewing on orijel sticks and purring to Mr.T, it is already snack time.  I know, I have a whole lot more pain to come. Just wish I could start the next phase of this fight already. Would help too, if I had a name for my foe. A diagnosis. Maybe ill just give my illness my own name. Bone Stealer.  or.. Bone Theif. 

 

      I have to get going.  I think maybe I need to cut out all the stuff that isnt "needed". I hate being lazy! But at this point I think I need to prioritize my needs better. I am only on my feet for about, well no a little more thna, an hour. Closer to hour and half. Before my body burns and jerks and sticks. Wont do me any good to run myself into the ground    besides, I think it is adding to the feeling of being "overwhelmed". Also, think im gonna just hunker down and put chair in each room. Will make sure I can sit when needed. I will make it a point to do the little thing I do have control over. Try very hard not to cry about the things that I cant do.

 

     I am so glad I met all of you. This is so scary, and every time I feel frighten like im about tto run away. There you are. All of you. Reminding me I can do this. It will all be okay. Thank you all so much!

*huggs*

dani

    

 

    

    

 

    

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TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Well said FJ! Sorry I've been missing this for a few days, one of those extremily busy weeks where I feel like I've been chasing my tail!!! Dani, I really hope you're feeling a little less tired and your poor old back has stopped stinging. Is your mouth feeling better now? No wonder your body is exhausted, it sounds as if you need those magic friends to appear and carry your load for you for a few recovery days. You know the ones we can conjure up using our magic wands, they're good to clean the bottom of the fridge and remake your bed. Hope your hanging in there,Dani, best wishes, golitho

Dani,

I'm sorry that I haven't posted before now.... I've been reading and thinking of you - please know that. I, too, wish that I could give you a big hug!! I hope my post finds your back feeling at least a little bit better....and maybe your mouth, too. I'm sure you ARE exhausted.

Dani - in every post that I've read of yours - you have such a great attitude, a wonderful sense of humor; you are so kind, compassionate and caring. I really admire you for going through all that you are right now. I just know you will get through all of this....

I wish I could answer the "why's" of all of this... I really do. But please know that you have many, many people here that love you and are here to listen and support you.

Tina

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Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); MSIR (15mg/6x day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation

Unfortunately it's not next week yet, but I wanted to stop by again in this thread to tell you to keep your head up even if you're not doing big smiles.

If nothing else you can always play the mysterious smirking woman. Think of yourself as the modern Mona Lisa. You can always do the aloof appearance where you fail to really register any expression on your face. When I was running around with no teeth, I tried it. It really seems to un-nerve people when your face doesn't respond to them. I was trying it since I was uncomfortable with my face, I figured it would be a good distraction to experiment with people and their reactions.

Big smile or quiet smirk, you're still a beautiful person and you also have the gift of humor. I know that a lot of times I make jokes when I'm really stressed out cause it keeps me from crying; but I had to learn to listen to my own jokes so that I could laugh at them and distance myself from the pain/discomfort. Realize that you have that same gift and let yourself be amused with things.

Wishing you "rapid time passing" till you're at the day you desire...
Lacey

Dani,
Wow, you've been through so much and now to have to come face to face with such a mean teacher..
In my eye's your the most wonderful caring person here and if I could face down this teacher for you i would
If that had been me, I would've walked away slowly, turned around and said "Since when did you go to medical school?"
in a loud voice, but that is at least over and done for now...If I knew I had to face her, it would be hard
and I'm sorry you've got to meet this very very rude person..

I'll be hopeing your getting some low pain days soon...
lots and lots of soft hugz..
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dani)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Keep us posted

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* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

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