I have been trying for the past couple days to get in touch with my nursing supervisor. I did get to talk with her today. I explained why. I wanted to explain the dr. standpoint on me returning to work. I really think he intends to keep me out the full 6 months. Anyway, I asked what I can do, if he won't release me and I really want to return to work. Well, she asked again what I had. I told her laminectomy. She said that usually relieves the pain immediately. And she said, "And you're STILL in pain"? I said yes.And that I do think it is nerve pain because I waited too long to have the surgery. But that I am willing to accept this and I am ready to go on with my life. I want to get back to work,next week. I explained to her that I respect the dr. and I am not holding him liable for any wrong doing. And that I am so determined to go back to work, if he won't release me, I'll sign a AMA. She told me right quick that if I did that I would not be allowed to come back. And then she said if I was out for 6 months, I would have to be let go...I am really upset. If the dr won't release me, and I end up being out longer than the 6 month mark, I lose my job!!!!! She did advice me to offer to go back on light duty(desk work), or to work 6 hrs a day vs the 8hr day, if he does refuse to let me go back. This is really upsetting me today. I guess one thing is that she seemed concerned that I am still hurting. It was just the tone in her voice. She usually is real nice to me. This caught me off guard today. I know it is hard on her to provide coverage for me everyday for this long. But it was her questioning me and my pain as if I am not still hurting. I guess she is turning out to be one of those who think I have been laid up eating bon bons all day. And that this has been a time off filled with fun and relaxation...You know the people I am talking about
. Well, she is one of those now. We talked a few minutes, I thanked her, and told her I'd call her Monday and let her know. She said if I get released, I can start back Tuesday. I plan to start back on Thursday. That is b/c I think it will be easier on me to start on Thursday, work 2 days, and then start a new week. I also have a PM appt. on Wednesday that I don't want to have to ask off for. Wednesday is my doctors day off anyway..All of this has really gotten to me today. And I am scared. I am scared he won't let me go back to work. And I am scared of losing my job. And I am scared b/c our finances are bad, and I really do miss work and want to go back. I am going to have to relax and try to clear my mind of this. If I don't I'll have a miserable weekend and worry myself sick. I don't want that. I have no control over the future(Monday). I have no control over the doctor. And I can only live one day at a time. I will try hard to stop worrying so much about
this. I had it all planned out in my head how it was going to be. I'll just talk to the doctor and be honest and try to explain how I feel. and I'll be
open to listen to his view point as well. Hopefully we together can reach some sort of compromise or something. I will be glad when Monday is here. I know I'll feel better then. I either go back to work or I don't. It's just that simple. I don't and won't do anything to injure myself. So when I said I'd sign a AMA, although I would, I guess that won't be necessary...Thanks for listening. It means alot. I know you all get tired of the same stuff from me all the time. It is really bothering me. And I am trying to come to peace with it.