troubling phone call today

I have been trying for the past couple days to get in touch with my nursing supervisor. I did get to talk with her today. I explained why. I wanted to explain the dr. standpoint on me returning to work. I really think he intends to keep me out the full 6 months. Anyway, I asked what I can do, if he won't release me and I really want to return to work. Well, she asked again what I had. I told her laminectomy. She said that usually relieves the pain immediately. And she said, "And you're STILL in pain"? I said yes.And that I do think it is nerve pain because I waited too long to have the surgery. But that I am willing to accept this and I am ready to go on with my life. I want to get back to work,next week. I explained to her that I respect the dr. and I am not holding him liable for any wrong doing. And that I am so determined to go back to work, if he won't release me, I'll sign a AMA. She told me right quick that if I did that I would not be allowed to come back. And then she said if I was out for 6 months, I would have to be let go...I am really upset. If the dr won't release me, and I end up being out longer than the 6 month mark, I lose my job!!!!! She did advice me to offer to go back on light duty(desk work), or to work 6 hrs a day vs the 8hr day, if he does refuse to let me go back. This is really upsetting me today. I guess one thing is that she seemed concerned that I am still hurting. It was just the tone in her voice. She usually is real nice to me. This caught me off guard today. I know it is hard on her to provide coverage for me everyday for this long. But it was her questioning me and my pain as if I am not still hurting. I guess she is turning out to be one of those who think I have been laid up eating bon bons all day. And that this has been a time off filled with fun and relaxation...You know the people I am talking about. Well, she is one of those now. We talked a few minutes, I thanked her, and told her I'd call her Monday and let her know. She said if I get released, I can start back Tuesday. I plan to start back on Thursday. That is b/c I think it will be easier on me to start on Thursday, work 2 days, and then start a new week. I also have a PM appt. on Wednesday that I don't want to have to ask off for. Wednesday is my doctors day off anyway..All of this has really gotten to me today. And I am scared. I am scared he won't let me go back to work. And I am scared of losing my job. And I am scared b/c our finances are bad, and I really do miss work and want to go back. I am going to have to relax and try to clear my mind of this. If I don't I'll have a miserable weekend and worry myself sick. I don't want that. I have no control over the future(Monday). I have no control over the doctor. And I can only live one day at a time. I will try hard to stop worrying so much about this. I had it all planned out in my head how it was going to be. I'll just talk to the doctor and be  honest and try to explain how I feel. and I'll be open to listen to his view point as well. Hopefully we together can reach some sort of compromise or something. I will be glad when Monday is here. I know I'll feel better then. I either go back to work or I don't. It's just that simple. I don't and won't do anything to injure myself. So when I said I'd sign a AMA, although I would, I guess that won't be necessary...Thanks for listening. It means alot. I know you all get tired of the same stuff from me all the time. It is really bothering me. And I am trying to come to peace with it.

Anice

 

Golitho, Thank you. I just came back to this with the intention of deleting the whole thread. I was just upset and needed to vent. I wish I had deleted this one...It is just stressing me out. But I am working on it hard!!! Thank you for your encouragement and support. I'll be okay. Worrying and stressing isn't going to change the outcome at all. It is just upsetting me and making it worse.
Anice

Anice,
I'm so sorry that your supervisor did not seem very understanding. My guess is she's working with some policies that are part of their human resources practices. Six months usually is the time after which someone is considered on long term disability rather than short term. But she offered some options I wouldn't close the door on quickly - like the light duty, or less hours. That may end up being better for you physically, plus maybe your doctor would agree more to that for now, and it would keep you at your workplace. You may be able to return to your old duties sometime in the future, but even if you can't (worst case scenario) you may be able to do light duty, and that's better than nothing. Especially since you like your job.

Try to do some relaxation exercises over the weekend. Listen to some calming music. Do a little journaling.

Accepting all of this is never easy. I'm still fighting my own inner battle. So don't beat yourself up for the fact that what we may know in our heads can take awhile to get to our heart. And you don't know all the pieces to the puzzle yet.

((((((((((Anice))))))))))

PaLady

Anice, I know how bad you want to be able to get back to work full time but starting back slow & easy is pretty much standard practice. I do understand the scared feeling you are having. When I had my lumbar fusion I was off work 4 months, went back for two weeks then my cervical spine went to crap and was back off work to get it fused for 3 months. When I went in to talk to HR at my work place she kept using the terms "If you come back to work". That was scary cause I was a single parent and needed my job back. Good luck but your body needs a chance to get back into the swing of things slowly then ramped up to full speed.

I don't know why, but for some reason I thought you had a fusion, anice.

I don't think you're out of line AT ALL for wanting to go back to work at 4 months post-op. My first surgery was a double laminectomy and discectomy at L4/L5 and L5/S1. I went back to work part time (20-hour week) at 10 weeks post-op and back to my regular full time schedule (50-60 hour weeks) at 12 weeks post-op.

Unless you have other medical issues that cause you to heal slower or have had major surgical complications, I can't imagine why your doctor wouldn't think you're healed enough to go back to work, especially if you want to. Seems to me surgeons usually have the opposite problem, with people wanting to be kept out of work when they're really capable of going back.

I want to thank all of you so very much for all your support. I'lll get through the weekend. And then Monday will be here. I am going to try relax some. It is going to be a long weekend!!!! Your support and encouragement means everything to me.
Anice