You wrote: ("Is this it??? Is this my life?? Am I ever going to get better?? ") How many times have I asked myself these same exact questions? I empathize with you Scarred! I sense the desperation in these questions! I know how I have felt, The hope that there has got to be more to life than just this pain! The wish that my life was not this way, the endless waiting for the day, that I will get better and I will be my old self again! But yet knowing deep down that, that will never happen! But longing to have the pain ease up for at least, just a little while and give me a reprieve, that I so desperately want!
I wish I had some magic words that could give you the answers that I know that you want to these questions. But alas, I am afraid there is none! I guess if there was, then none of us would be here at this forum! But know when you are hurting and feel down and ask these questions, that you are not alone, we are all here with you! I do hope you get to feeling better soon, and your pain eases up at least a little!