I'm both happy and very angry right now!

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Jasper Dale
New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/4/2009 5:49 PM (GMT -6)   
first, thanks to everyone for all the wonderful information on this forum. they helped me finally get the help i needed.

after basically wasting the last 2 years of my life due to chronic back pain, yesterday i FINALLY found a doctor who was willing to help me. i have spent the last 24 months going through all the hoops, pain clinics, injections, burning the nerves in my back, everything, and nothing helped.

my primary care doctor gave me some oxycodone about 4 months ago for pain, right after the last time they burned the nerves in my back. anyway, he told me only to take them when my back was killing me, and i was taking only a few pills a day. anyway, after about a month, he totally cut me off and basically said that i had gone through every procedure they could think of and that i was just goint to have to live with it.

the past 3 months have been a living hell. i had to quit my job, was reduced to laying around in bed all day while my poor wife and to get up at 5 am and go to a 12 hour shift, and it got to the point where i would daily ask God to just let me die and go to heaven, because i was such a burden to my wife.

i truly did not think i was ever going to get out of this. what really angers me is that all of the doctors said that i needed to lose 60 pounds, because of the pressure it put on my back. all i wanted was the opportunity to have a doctor help me during the 5 or 6 months it would take to drop the weight. without pain medication, it is practically impossible for me to even "walk" more than a half a block, let alone take in regular exercise.

but no one would give me the opportunity to help me take control over my weight and actually "do" something about it.

anyway, a neighbor recommended an Internal Medicine doctor and i went to him this week, told him exactly everything i have done to relieve this pain and that i was at the end of my rope. i have not slept more than 3 hours a night for the past 3 months and i quite literally was beginning to go insane.

you know, i have been let down so many times by doctors in the past, that i didn't have much hope that this doctor would do anything for me, but i couldn't believe how wrong i was!

i told him that i wanted to get this weight off, because i'm 250 right now, and my back problems really started to get worse when i got over 200 pounds.

he told me that he would do everything he could to help me lose the weight and gave me a "plan of attack" (walking, exercises to do, diet changes, etc.)

he wrote me several prescriptions: 100 Hydro/APAP 5-500, 50 15mg Morphine ER, Trazodone, Motrin and Lidoderm patches. he wants me to come back in three weeks, and try to lose 8 pounds by then.

i can't tell you how elated i have been. finally, someone is willing to work with me. i don't want to be on pain meds the rest of my life. if losing the weight will keep me from being in chronic pain, i'll do anything to accomplish that.

what really burns me up, though, is why none of these other doctors couldn't at least have told me that there were other physicians who would help me, even if they wouldn't? the last time i went to the pain clinic and they "burned the nerves" on my back, the doctor messed up the injection site and had to basically double the amount of times he used the needles. after he was done, with me sobbing in the chair, unable to move, he told me to go home and take 3 motrin and that narcotics would not help me. like i WANT to have to take pills. who WANTS to take pills?

all i wanted was help to get back on my feet again. the last 2 years have been a nightmare, but thankfully, because ONE doctor actually cares, i know i am going to be able to beat this thing.

do you know why doctors won't refer you to someone who WILL help you, instead of just sending you home in pain? i know that some docs are scared to death of the whole DEA investigation stuff and that they may not personally want to prescribe anything to their patients, but WHY couldn't they at least have told me that i have other options?

i truly did not think i had any other choice but to spend the rest of my life an invalid. i'm 44 years old and i want to "have a life". i don't want to be a burden to my wife and enjoy my time on earth.

my prayers have been answered and i'm so thankful that for the first time in 2 months, last night i actually fell asleep and stayed asleep. but i'm so mad that i could have had this relief months ago if only someone would have told me i had other choices.

sorry for ranting, i'm just so relieved to finally feel that i have hope.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 326
   Posted 9/4/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Internists tend to be more up to date than just a general practitioner. When I reach the other end of this Great Move I will be looking for an internal medicine doc.
Curious people are interesting people...I wonder why that is.
~Bill Maher

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 9/4/2009 7:31 PM (GMT -6)   



   Dear Jasper Dale,

     Good evening! My name is Dani. It is very nice to meet you. I am glad you found Healing Well Community. Even better, the chronic pain section. Were the cool ones! I do hope you decide to stick around and get to know everyone.

     I am sorry to hear of your troubles, in finding a doctor to treat your pain. It seems that is one of the many similarities we all share being chronic pain patients. I am just glad that you fought, fought hard! To get a treatment plan that works for you.

     And don't ever apologize for ranting! *tisk* We all need to rant, and we need to rant about stuff that even our most loved family members couldnt possibly understand. So vent AWAY   smilewinkgrin  

     It was very nice to meet you and I hope to get to know you better as time goes by.



TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

Jasper Dale
New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/4/2009 8:53 PM (GMT -6)   
i am finding it hard to believe how much better i am feeling. i went out this afternoon and took a 45 minute walk, something i would not have even dreamed about doing a few days ago. my wife and i are buying healthy food to get our calories in check, and i am so looking forward to "starting over".

it just infuriates me that my previous doctors acted like it was a crybaby for complaining about the pain i was experiencing. i would have a lot more respect for them if they just came out and said that they didn't write scripts for pain medicine because of the legal implications. instead, they just went on and on about how studies show that narcotics don't help people with chronic pain, when we all know otherwise.

in fact, the nurse at the pain clinic could tell upset i was the last time i was there and she grabbed my hand and whispered "i'm sorry, the doctor will never prescribe pain meds, NEVER." i could tell that she understood my situation and i knew that she wanted to help, but her hands were tied.

i wish that all the people who try and fake their way to pain meds would realize just what kind of hell they are putting people in who actually have chronic pain. i have been so humiliated time and time again by my doctors, and for what? i'm sorry. i have quit jobs before when i had to choose between doing what was right and just "following orders" by some superior. if i were a doctor, i would QUIT before knowingly lying to my patients and making them feel like scum because they had a legitimate medical issue.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 9/4/2009 10:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jasper,

Welcome to HW! We're always happy to welcome another member to the group, although we wish it was under better circumstances! This is a wonderfully supportive, knowledgeable group.

As for your situation, I think many of us can relate. Most of us have had to go through many doctors before we found one(s) who were willing to take us seriously & help us. As with any other profession, there are good doctors & bad doctors out there. You're right the behavior of drug seekers & stigma surrounding pain medication makes it much harder for those of us with legitimate chronic pain to receive adequate treatment. As a result, many people suffer with under-treated pain. However, even with the proper treatment, the likelihood of being pain free is very slim. The goal of pain management is more to restore quality of life & functionality, rather than abolish pain.

I do respectfully disagree with you on one point, though. As your doctor said, opioids do not help everyone with chronic pain. Yes, they help a great many people, but not everyone. I am one of those exceptions. For whatever reason my biochemistry is highly resistant to pain medications, including opioids & similar medications, and thus they do not elicit any response. Additionally, certain types of pain, such as nerve pain, are known to often be opioid-resistant. This is one of the many reasons why non-narcotic options are exhausted first. However, some doctors, including pain management physicians just have policies about not prescribing opioids. I've found that as a patient, you need to be your own advocate. If your doctor isn't willing to work with you, then it's time to find a new one.

I am glad to hear that you have found a new doctor willing to further invest in your treatment & that the new medications are already making a difference in your pain level. Establishing a good working relationship & trust with your doctor is very important.

Welcome again,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 9/4/2009 10:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Jasper Dale,
I'm sorry your pain management doctor was a jerk! My first pain management doctor, hurt me pretty bad and
I never went back, but this newer pain management doc is helping me better..a good pain management doctor
will work with you with stuff like physical therapies, medications and procedures as these usually work
in conjunction...but I'm glad the Internal Medicine doctor your seeing is helping you...ask your internal medicine doctor about
physical therapy and then maybe you can get a portable tens unit to use at home, these little tens units can help!
the ultra sounds treatment from pt can help too....
Good Luck to you and post when you can
lots and lots of soft hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jasper Dale))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/5/2009 2:43 AM (GMT -6)   
I wanted to add my welcome to the chronic pain forum. I'm so glad you joined us, although sad for all you have and are struggling with.

Reading your post really moved me. It encapsulated so much of what many of us face - and the unfairness of it all. How many of us would have had less of our lives lost to pain if we had good, caring doctors willing to help. And by help I don't just mean prescribe narcotics medications but at least willing to work with us until we find the help we need.

The relief in you comes across the page so clearly. I can imagine a huge sigh of relief going through your body, releasing long held tension from fear of not finding treatment, not being "heard", and frustration of having to undergo all the procedures that gave no relief. I'll bet that's why you went for a walk.

We'll all support you in your efforts to improve your lifestyle, and I will try to join along with you! We mentioned in another thread about maybe sharing ideas for healthy eating, as this group (and it's a fantastic group!!!) tends to dwell on the yummiest of high fat treats the universe can come up with! LOL

Anyway, welcome to the family!


Jasper Dale
New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/5/2009 3:13 AM (GMT -6)   
thanks for the welcome! i look forward to posting and getting to know all of you better.

Stella Marie
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 601
   Posted 9/5/2009 3:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Jasper Dale
Many of us here in the Chronic Pain Forum have similar stories to tell. Isn't it amazing how one person, a doctor, an individual that has taken an oath to heal and do no harm, is the person that can ALMOST destroy us both physically and emotionally. I can't tell the number of doctors I went through before I finally found someone who was willing to sit down and LISTEN to me. From that day forward my life dramatically changed. I now always tell people not to give up in their search for the right doctor. It is so important to continue the search when your questions are not answered or the treatment prescribed is not what you feel is the solution to your problems. Usually, you will find the right doctor - but sometimes the search it long and hard and it is ever so important that we don't just GIVE UP. Thank you for posting and reminding us that sometimes we do find the right doctor. I know once I had my questions answers answered, I was then an able to get on course and move forward.

We look forward to your continued posting letting us know how you are doing. Isn't it amazing how powerful a simple thing like HOPE is in our lives.

Stella Marie

Co-Forum Moderator for Chronic Pain

Rare neurodegenerative /movement disorder called “Multiple System Atrophy”.  Mobility issues,, neuropathic pain,  spasticity, central apnea, collagenous colitis, joint and body pain, swallowing and respitory  involvement,  Implants: intrathecal pump  & neurostimulator.  Extra features: O2 & wheelchair

 Not all of us can be Cinderella, but some of us can be Fairy Godmothers.......


Post Edited (Stella Marie) : 9/5/2009 2:53:45 AM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16768
   Posted 9/6/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Jasper,

Welcome to Healing Well. Wow, I read your story and can certainly understand every word you wrote. I have been in that same boat only in a different way. I am absolutely thrilled to read that you have found a dr that is willing to listen to you, willing to help you and believes in you. Three key ingredients needed so desperately when seeking medical care regardless of the reason. Why drs want to make it so hard for us is totally beyond anything I can comprehend. You know I am so sick of hearing about how they are afraid of the DEA, quite frankly I think they use that as a cop out. If a dr is running his practice the way it should be ran, then he should have no fear of the DEA. The DEA is after the drs doing illegal things, not the drs that are being professional and legal, whats the big hype. Chicken little the sky is falling. All the DEA does is an audit of records big deal.

I too have a new dr and this dr had made such an impact on my life. I have a pain pump that the prior dr recommended be put in. This was done in 05. It was a very long journey getting increases in the pump to get my pain level down. Then my pain dr decided I was at my limit on increases in the pump, said no more, had me on a pain pill equivelent to a tylenol for BT pain. By the time he decided to stop practicing pain mgt in Nov of 08, I was walking hunched over with a cane in severe pain. It was a blessing in disguise when he left pain mgt.

My new pump dr is totally awesome. She does not believe patients should suffer in pain. She wants her patients to have a life. The DEA, she could are less about. They are welcome to her office any time. She is not afraid of them.

Please keep posting so we know how you are doing.

Moderator Chronic Pain
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 9/6/2009 11:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Jasper Dale

I also Welcome you to the Healing Well Chronic Pain Forum! Your story is all to common, it just seems like so many people suffering from Chronic Pain have been through the same type of treatment as you have! I guess if nothing else at least you are not alone, in being treated this way! Hopefully your new internal medicine Doctor will definitely be able to help you and get your pain under control. You have definitely come to the right place for support, I don't think there is any place better that than this place for caring compassionate support! The people are just plain Fantastic!

Again I Welcome You!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16768
   Posted 9/6/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Jasper, I too was quite angry at how my PM dr was treating my pain, actually under-treating my pain. My new dr on my 2nd visit asked me how I felt towards the prior dr knowing he had taken at least 2 yrs of my life away from me. Finding out I was not even close to being maxed out on the pain meds in my pump and had a very long ways to go before ever reaching that mark. I told her, well I get very angry about it, but rather than go down that road, since being angry takes so much out of me energy wise, I am going to use that energy towards doing something I like to do. So, try doing the same for yourself after all these idiots are not worth our energy. You keep up the good work with your walking, you will get there and be able to do many things that you thought you had lost.
Moderator Chronic Pain
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted Today 5:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi folks,
I can't believe the medication problems we all go through. I just went to my orthopedic surgeon and after telling me how messed up I am he gives me a prescription for 2 different NSAIDS. I didn't even get to read the inserts that came with them because of the warning that preceeds the pharma info. Big warnng for peeps with heart ailments,can cause sudden heart attack and death, well, I take cardizem and enalapril for varient angina. I guess that is one approach I have not considered.Doctors seem very willing to prescribe meds to kill me but not so willing to give me meds to kill the pain instead.The only compassionate doc I have is my neurologist. She is out of my network so I have to pay 145 per visit out of my own pocket.She really does not want me to use her as a pain doc so we are trying to find a PM doc who will cooperate and continue me on a narcotic med. If I was not such a mess I would put on a tu tu and hop around the doctors office on my hind legs,maybe then I could get a "treat".I am so tired of being treated like a circus animal. They take x-rays,send me for MRI's and EMG's,acknowledge the damage and then pat me on the head and tell me to take tylenol.Then when I do get them to write a script it is for something I cannot take.Do they even know what a PDR or Goodman and Gilman's books are for?They would rather kill me with dangerous combinations of meds rather than kill the pain with opiates.The good news is I am applying for workmens comp and my lawyer seems to think I can go on it so I can get some repair work done.That alone will take several years.I have to get both shoulders and both wrists fixed first.Then I can decide what do do about back and neck problems.
Thanks for listening,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted Today 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   

Jasper and Randy,

Welcome to our HW Family, most of us here have at one time or another a situation or experience similar to yours. 

The frustration and disappointment that we face daily is something few Dr.'s can relate too unless....they themselves, their families or friends have lived it.  Sad but true!  There are just as many good Dr.s as there are bad, we just have to keep looking until we find that special Dr. who is empathetic to our situation and truly understands CP.
Randy about a year ago I had the PA in my PMD's office give me a high dose of Lyrica that caused permanent damage.  I trusted him because he himself lives in CP....my gut told me no.  I didn't listen because my husband said what if he's right?  I replied with what if he's wrong....then thought gee maybe I'm being negative and should really go for it!  I am a great researcher and didn't listen to my inner warning on this one....I should have done what I usually do, read and research because I would have found that he was WRONG and maybe I wouldn't be where I am today...or maybe I would.  Who knows for sure.  If you have questions about what was prescribed call your Pharmacist, they sometimes know more then the Dr's with side effects and cross reactivity!
Welcome again to both of you, you have found a home here with all of us!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted Today 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Jasper,
How are things going? It's been awhile since your last postings and I hope things
are getting a lil better for you!

Randy, nice to meet you, sure wish it was under better circumstance than chronic pain!
Randy sure hope you'll post more about yourself in a new thread, when your ready of course...

Lots of soft hugz to you both...

* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines


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