I am so sorry about
what you went through with your PM, but that really is the exception rather than the norm. Especially since Norris is just looking to stop them on her own. You were given clonidine at the ER & that is what I recommended to Norris. Often PM's will refuse to give out additional pain pills, but it is very, very unusual for them to refuse requests for medications just to help with the withdrawal symptoms. I know that for some reason even when you told your PM you didn't want more pain meds, he still refused to see you, but that is not common -- which is why so many of us recommend talking to one's doctor as the first option when seeking treatment. The ER should always be a last resort -- good when there aren't any other options & someone is in a crisis, but especially since Norris' doctor has been providing medications up to this point, it does not at all seem unreasonable to me to ask the doc for non-narcotic
Yes, there are a few doctors out there who are just complete jerks & will not even help their patients even when the patient is not asking for more narcotics, but rather simple blood pressure medication, but that is the rare exception. Treating physicians have a patient's entire history. They have access to records, tests & additional complicating factors that can help them select the very best medication for a patient.
I have re-read your posts & would have to agree that perhaps the best option for you may be to contact your PM & let him know what's going on. Your PM should be able to either meet with you to determine a safe way to get off the meds (whether that's a long taper, a quick taper, or cold turkey) OR he should be able to refer you to an addictions specialist who can help. From my own experience, it is very hard to taper off meds on my own & I am only dealing with dependence, not addiction. It is a brutal experience without any meds to help me. With the clonidine, it is still very hard b/c I don't sleep & feel shaky inside, but with a huge amount of willpower, I can struggle through it. With an addiction, you have an added obstacle to success. All the more reason to get whatever help you can -- withdrawal meds, a safe & healthy treatment plan, help from specialists & maybe attending AA/NA meetings for added support. It is so tough, but it is without a doubt do-able. Ask for help. Connect with others. Remember the goal.
By being honest with your PM, you can get the help you need for today & possibly even
open up options for the future. Yes, there is a slim chance that you could have one of those horrible doctors who doesn't want to help anyone, but if that's the case I would encourage you to look for someone else. Having a doctor who is contributing to your addiction is worse than having no doctor at all (and I don't say that lightly). There are doctors out there who will help legitimate pain patients struggling with addiction. There are new treatments and technologies available -- pain pumps, special patches that can't be tampered with, new meds that combine opioid agonists & antagonists to prevent that "high" feeling caused by many narcotics, alternative therapies, etc., etc. You do not have to choose between living with your addiction or living with pain.
While I have not suffered from substance addiction, I have had my own struggles with compulsive thoughts & so I know how wonderful it feels to be free of that. But the first step is coming out of isolation & being honest with yourself and others about
what is going on. I hope you will take that step. Know that there will always be people here who will support you. :)
I hope it doesn't seem too presumptuous of me, but I know even when I was struggling with dependence, the NA website really had a lot of wonderful materials that helped me stick with the plan my PM & I came up with for getting off my pain meds. If you're interested, the site is http://na.org/
Take care of yourself & keep us posted about
how you're doing & how we can help.
peace & prayers,