want to make some new friends

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Ms Noah
New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/27/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Well I am new and needed a place to go and talk. I have had chronic pain for about 7 years - I have Lupus, Fibro and had L3/L4 disc ruptures a couple of years ago. I have been feeling very depressed and lonely and today it just hit me hard. I feel like everything is so out of control and I dont know how to get myself back together. I am unemployed (quit my job in April) people there were just not very nice and atmosphere was making me sicker. Since then my family finanaces have all but depleted, I guess I thought I would find something else sooner than now and then my husbands hours were suddenly cut to part time. He has his 25 yr old son living here who has a great job and he doesnt make him pay to help out. Kid was only supposed to stay for a couple of months and now its been seven. Now kid has hernias and has to have surgery and claims he will be here three more months! Since he has been here my relationship with my husband is not so good and it seems like its them against me. They have said things to me like I cannot tell my step son to move out because I dont have a job and I dont pay the bils anymore, my husband told me one day that I wasnt doing anything but using his electricity and eating his food (says he was just joking) and two days ago when I told him I couldnt believe what a hard time I was having finding a job he said well I gave up on you a long time ago. I dont even feel like talking to him anymore. Along with all of this, I have problems with my pain meds - I take 5/325 Percocets 4X a day and Vicoden when I run out. It seems like the meds give me headaches, and now in the past 6 months I have migraines. Had an MRI a couple of weeks ago and they found lesions on the brain and now I have to see a neuro dr next week.The new drs seem ok with keeping me in meds, I have had to change drs acouple of times because I got nothing but a bad time,  but I constantly feel like I am being chastized by the drs and by my husband for taking pain meds, trust me, if I didnt need them, I wouldnt take them. I dont really think I take that much (no more than 5 a day) and they do help with the constant body and joint pain I have everyday. Before the pain meds, I would stand in the shower every morning and cry and then get in and out of bed because I hurt so much. It was near impossible to get through a day, and I started to think if this was living, I would rather not be. The meds have improved my life but in the same breath they have made it harder. Other than the headaches, they help. The headaches are making me so frustrated - Tomorrow I have to go back to the Dr. and ask for refills of Percocet and I always feel guilty and bad about asking. I hide it from my husband because he is always making comments about me being a drug addict or he just makes general comments abou drugs that I know are directed at me. I just feel so depressed. I do take a anti depressant too but maybe I am just stuck in a rut. My house is a mess, I only get a small amount of help and its not just the cleaning, its the larger projects that I just cant do on my own. Because the house is so overwhelming (I have three unuseable rooms filled with stuff (we have no garage and kid is in one of them) I feel like I will never get it under control or cleaned up. I have been waiting for kid to leave so I can go through the rooms and clean them out and now kid is not leaving and husband doesnt care - it doesnt bother him in the slightest. I used to have a pretty good relationship with my husband and now it seems like we cant even talk. It seems like he isnt really listening to me. I have become so mad about the things he and his son have said to me, I cant seem to get past them. I just want to spend all of my time alone. When I am with him, I compliain all of the time or am so negative. I cant even stand myself.  Well thats it - Thanks for listening - hope I can make some friends here

Elite Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 9/27/2009 4:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you are having troubles. This is a wonderful, supportive group. We have very big shoulders, wonderfully large ears, and open hearts. Vent away!

The messy house is not the end of the world. Leave the kid's room alone. Let him clean it up or rot in it. If he wants maid service he'll have to pay for it. He's old enough to care for himself.
I'd clean only the rooms I use and shut the door on the rest.

People without chronic pain just do not understand what we go through. They think: aw, you'll get over it with a few tylenols or you're just overreacting to it all.
Only by walking in your shoes for a day do they really understand.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/27/2009 5:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Ms. Noah,
I want to welcome you to the chronic pain forum of Healing Well. I'm sorry for all you're going through, but am glad you have found us. There is much support here and we share our experience, although we're not doctors and can't give medical advice.

You have so much going on - and pain effects nearly everything in our lives - I wonder if you've tried seeing a pain management psychologist or therapist, as they can be very helpful at addressing even the family changes that come with pain. The other thing I wonder is if you've considered filing for disability. If you're not working due to your health issues, then you could qualify, although it can take a long, long time. There are some people here who know a lot about the process who may come along later - if you have questions. You can also search through other threads and find old posts on a topic and those can often be very helpful.

One last thing - Healing Well has a lot of different forums, and you can post to more than one. You may find it helpful to introduce yourself on the Lupus and Fibro forums, and all you have to do is go to the "Quick Jump" menu at the top and scroll down the different forums and you'll be able to move back and forth easily.

Again, welcome!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 9/27/2009 6:14 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Ms. Noah,

Welcome to our HW Family!  As the others have said you have so much going on!  We all have issues that CP has caused, so we are more then available to listen, offer advice, hugs and lots of support without judgements!

I speak from experience in saying that friends, families and Husbands tend to say things without realizing how hurtful their words are.  I found the strength to have a heart to heart talk with my husband a few months back after posting safely to my friends here.  The caring words helped me find the words to communicate my feelings....once I did that my relationship with my husband is back to the way it was years ago before CP became a part of our lives. 

You are safe here and I look forward to reading more posts from you!




Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 9/27/2009 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
You're always welcome to come and rave, we're all in this together. Great place to offload and gain support. Best wishes to you, golitho

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 9/28/2009 1:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Ms Noah,

While I'm sorry that it took having health issues to bring you here...I'm glad that you found our forum. There is some excellent information here; beyond that, though, the support that you will find from others is overwhelming. To me, nothing beats talking to others that understand exactly what we are going through. I've made some some wonderful friends here on the board...

I'm exhausted tonight so I will add more tomorrow; but still wanted to stop by and say hey. But if you are looking for friendship and support - this is a great place to be.

Look forward to sharing more with you....
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); Dilaudid (8mg/3x day); Actiq (1200 mcgs/1x per day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 9/28/2009 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   


   Dear MS Noah,

     Good morning. My name is Dani. It is very nice to meet you. Healing Well can be a wonderful resource for support, knowladge and understanding. I am very glad you came to join us.

     I am sorry to hear of the communication problems between the three of you. It breaks my heart. *warm huggs* I can see, plain as day, You NEED their support. When it comes to your medications and why you need them... Have you, or would you, feel comfortable taking your husband to the doctor with you?  That is only way he will be able to come close to understanding. If he still doesnt understand after that, then you will know that in your heart you did the best you could.  *warm huggs* Short of that, the only idea comming to mind is family counseling?

     I am kinda reeling from what you told us.. Maybe it is my protective side getting a little to big? *warm huggs* Never the less! I am very glad to meet you. I hope to get to know you better as time goes by *warm huggs*



TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

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