severe neck pain

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/18/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I have not posted in a long time due to having neck surgery and caring for my disabled DH. He was in the hospital from Oct. for 15 days until he passed away on Nov. 4th. I stayed around the clock with him. I have never really had the healing time that I needed from my surgery but I also needed to take care of him because I knew he was going to die. His wonderful children only came around after they finally realized he wasn't going to last long. He has been dead 2 weeks today, and they are already contesting the will. They made a mockery of his funeral. They brought in his x wife and paraded her in front of me for a long time and loved and kissed her. By the way, they hated her when my DH was married to her. They would not speak to me at the funeral or cemetery but spread malicious rumors during the whole thing. I am about to have a nervous breakdown due to my grief and pain and all the unnecessary problems they are causing me. I have been married to their Father for 14 years but all of a sudden they think everything should belong to them.

Anyway, my surgery fixed the severe pain in the right shoulder and arm, but did nothing for my neck pain so I am still in severe pain.

I'm so sorry for everyone who suffers.

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/18/2009 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   
     Dear 91, I hate to hear stories like this, and it saddens me that people can be so cruel. I went through a terrible Divorce, and lost almost all of my family. I have two grand children who I don't get to see at all to this day. It's hard to hold your chin up at a time like that, and I'm fully aware of a gang mentallity which is going on there. All you can do is the right thing and avoid the conflict as best you can. I hope you have family members or neighbors in your area to help comfort you, and I have to add, not to side with you. Its best not to put yourself in the line of fire. I can only think that the stress you are going through has not helped your pain levels. I can only ask if you have been back to your PCD or your Surgeon for this, as it seems like the logical place to start. I'm sure there will be other members more qualified to guide you into a better direction. Take care, and I sincerly hope you get to feeling better, and I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 11/18/2009 3:32:09 PM (GMT-7)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16804
   Posted 11/18/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Pain,

I have been wondering how you were doing since you surgery. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. But, I do want to commend you for taking care of your husband even though you were not really in any shape to have such a huge responsibility on your shoulders. I do not know how you did it. This only shows that you are a very strong woman. I remember very well how those "heathens" did not offer to lift one finger at any time while you were caring for their father too.

I know the stress of this whole situation has you really down, but you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and know in your heart that you took wonderful care of your man. I think the people that really know you, know what really went on. Don't give them the benefit of causing you more grief, they are not worth it.

Grief has so many different emotions and phases that we go thru at a time like this. Perhaps you can get some professional help to help you deal with the stress. Or, perhaps you can talk to your minister. Talking is one the best ways to get things off your chest. Please come here and share with us. We are here for you.

Please know you are not alone here and we will be here offering a shoulder and an ear any time. Gentle hugs coming your way.
Moderator Chronic Pain
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/18/2009 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Painsince91,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and all you are going through. The sad thing is that sometimes death brings out the worst in a family, as you're experiencing. I do hope your husband left a clear will, and hope also that you can just lean on an attorney to settle matters. Try to do that as much as possible, as the laws and your husband's will dictate what will happen, not others' wants and desires. Try to shield yourself as much as possible from the bickering.

As someone suggested, not only can you come here, but I think a good grief counselor would be very useful to you right now. Many ministers/pastors/rabbis and other clergy have training with this and if that is where you're most comfortable by all means go there. Fact is, you can do both. Often funeral directors either offer some help with this, and also help you find other resources. What you're experiencing isn't uncommon, but sadly is the last thing you need right now.

I hope you can get the space to grieve, and find peace in your heart.



Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1235
   Posted 11/18/2009 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm so truly sorry for the loss of your dear husband and for the insensitive , cruel treatment that you have been subjected to since by his family. Unfortunately, funerals seem to bring out the worst in some family members and the reasons for it never seem to make much sense.
I can only hope that your husband was able to make his wishes known before his passing and that that will keep the money grubbers at bay.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss, I know that it hurts and will for some time to come.
PLIF/TLIF Fusion w/Instrumentation L4-5 Spondololysthesis L4-5.Laminectomies L4-5, foraminal stenosis L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, herniations L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, central canal stenosis L3-4, L4-5 and L5-S1
POST OP CES 3/30-06
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Revision for failed Back surgery, pseudoarthrosis L4-5, hemilaminectomies L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, bmp added to revision fusion, replaced two bent screws that were reversing out of vertebrae - August 2, 2007
On going back pain and neuropathic pain, failed back surgery, consult for scs, decided not to do that at this point.
Adhesive Arachnoiditis also......just what I didn't need..9/08- adding bilateral ulnar neuropathy with severe compression to the mix. They want me to see a surgeon for ulnar nerve surgery, but I'm not biting.
I've seen enough surgeons over the last few years.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/18/2009 9:02 PM (GMT -6)   
   Dear Pain,
     Good evening *soft huggs* I hope you are having a quiet evening. I am ever so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. To have gone through so much! In such a short amount of time... surly your heart and body must be terribly overwhelmed. *huggs* I sorry I cannot do more to help you, other than offer support. But, I am here, anytime you need an ear. We all are. You will be in our hearts and prayers here at my home.
*soft huggs*



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood



Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 11/18/2009 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Pain,

I want to add my sincere sympathy in the loss of your Dear Husband! 


We are here for you!


White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 11/19/2009 12:19 AM (GMT -6)   
First off I would like to tell you that your post has touched me deeply, I am sorry for your loss of your husband and obviously it must have been doubly hard on you as you were also trying to recovere from surgery and care for him at the same time, that is no easy feat no matter how you look at it! And then to be treated so cruely by is family, is there no justice???? I am glad you came and shared this with us, you are not alone and we are here to help and support you!
I am glad to hear that your neck surgery relieved your pain in your shoulder and arm, I too just had neck surgery (C5/6 diskectomy and fusion) the 28 th of September, it rellieved all the pain in my arm, but like you it did little for the pain in my neck and back of my head! Which by the way my Doctor/Surgeon said that it might not help the neck or head pain. But it did take away all my arm pain completely! Please be gently with yourself you have undergone allot in a very short amount of time! But Please know that the people here do care about you!
I wish you only the Best!

White Beard

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9289
   Posted 11/19/2009 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi sweet friend!

I too am so very sorry for your loss. Unfortunately death often brings out the worst in some families. Right now you are being beaten down by everything around you...loss, pain, surgery...and I"m sure it feels like the world is falling down around you. It sometimes feels like you are looking at the world from your small space in it yet no one can see you or hear you. Does that make sense? I felt that when my son passed away. It was a horrid, strange feeling.

But as said many times already, you are here among friends and people who love you. Another thing you may not realize is that you have strength...lots of it! or you wouldn't be here. You might be laughing at the suggestion but look at what you've accomplished. You did the most important job in your sat by the man you love until he took his last breath. Nothing more important than that, I that take amazing amounts of strength. You made it through the funeral and kept your head up high. It was the others who made fools of themselves, not you. You have respect from others and you can respect yourself. Sad to say that others there can't claim that prize.

My only suggestion is hire a good lawyer, and you likely already have, and let him do the work. Request that those contesting pay your fees when you win. It's very hard to break a will. I know our lawyer put in our wills, and my parents also, that whoever sought to contest the will would be awarded the sum of $1.00 (one dollar) total, end of Should be universally included in every will.

Anyway, you focus on YOU. The small people around you need not ruin your life. Do not talk to them under advisement of your lawyer. Get on with your life, come here often, kick, yell, cry, scream, and laugh. We're here for you through the good as well as the bad. OK??? about a soft HUG!
The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. — Alexander Chalmers

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/19/2009 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry for your loss & for everything you're going through right now.  I can't even imagine how very difficult this all must be.  Know that you are always welcome & supported here.  I think the others have already given some good advice, whenever you're ready for that.
I hope maybe Scarred will post to you.  She went through something similar with her family a little while ago.  I think it is so hard to understand how much a family can be torn apart during a time of grief unless you've been through that experience.  Please know that you & your family are in my prayers -- I hope that you all will find peace & be able to come back together again.
peace & blessings,

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 453
   Posted 11/19/2009 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Pain,
I too am sorry for your loss. Losing someone that you love and share your life with has to be heartbreaking. When a loved one dies family reacts is strange ways don't they? Things that you never expected to happen HAPPEN and for reasons unknown. There is help out there just open your hand and heart and find it. Everyone has covered the legal stuff so be careful and wise in your decision making because it sounds as though there are some that would like to see you fail and that just isn't going to happen. You are strong and will hold together until everything is accomplished.

Take care and I care.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 11/19/2009 11:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow!!  Couldn't they at least give you credit for taking care of him at the end?  They sure didn't want to...and about the Ex...what complete BS!!  Don't take it personally, for some reason when people die it makes certain people get mean and control.  You just remember that you were there...not them.  I'm sorry that you are still in pain..I'm sure it's stress related so you need to take care of yourself...

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/26/2009 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks to all of you for the support and love shown to me. Happy Thanksgiving to all. We all have a lot to be thankful for. I started getting sick Monday night with a sore throat, so I have been in the bed since then. I either have Strep or the Flu, I'm not sure, but I can barely swallow. Ice cream is all I can manage to swallow, so that is my Thanksgiving meal.
Last Sunday, My DH's daughter came down here and just pushed her way in and started trying to take things and demanded pictures and other things. She was acting so ugly. I'm so glad her brother, Tim was here or I don't know what she might have done to me. She weighs like 300 lbs.
  • There was several pieces of lumber left from the kids building a ramp for their Daddy, so she loaded up all of them and said she wanted the bag of cement in the garage. This would have been used to finish the ramp if Earl hadn't gotten so sick and was at the hospital so long. Anyway, I thought it was so childish to take the rest of the material since the ramp isn't finished, but they are determined I won't have it. When we got out to the garage, she said, "Where's Daddy's boat?"  I said "Don't you mean my boat? It is gone. It will be sold" She mumbled something about you'll need the money to defend yourself. Anyway, I am trying to forget what they are trying to do to me. I sure hope they can't take anything. My DH warned me about them.  He said they would try to hurt me. I thought the will would protect me, but now I'm not sure.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16804
   Posted 11/26/2009 10:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Pain, I do hope you have hired an atty to help you with this mess. You may want to consider getting what is called a Restraining Order/Protective Order if you feel you may be in harm's way by any of Earl's children. By doing this they cannot come on your property, call you, harrass you, or even come within so many feet of you. Call the police on them, if they refuse to get off your property that is considered trespassing and punishable by law. As long as you have the current will you should be ok, sure they can contest the will but that doesn't mean they will get anything either.

Take care of yourself, I worry about you. You have been thru so much.


<FONT>crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & psoriasis and psoratic arthritis. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 17 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/27/2009 7:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I'd have to agree with straydog and praying get a restraining fight about a bag of cement...they are nuts...
Lots of soft caring hugz, sympathies and Prayers...
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/27/2009 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
As hard as it might be, please consider what straydog and others have mentioned - getting a restraining order. Talk to your lawyer about it. Tell him things are being taken off the property. As well, anything that can be perceived as a threat to harm you. Often a court may grant at least temporary restraining orders to prevent anything from being removed until the will is finalized.

People who are intimidating tend to do so because it works. If they find, however, they could get in some legal trouble by doing this it can often help them put the brakes on. They're probably banking on the fact you won't do anything. If nothing else keeping them away from you and off the premises can give you some peace of mind.


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