Gosh you guys, you do put things into perspective. I am so amazed by how happy and cheerful you all still manage to be. *BIG HUG* to all of you. Alright, onto my rant.
I hate that I let my classmates down. I was elected chair of our biggest project of the semester, back when I had my pain mostly under control. But because of being with a therapist that hasn't been as effective as the one back home and falling again, I feel like I failed them, and myself.
I really hate that my classmates just don't get it. Some of them try, they really do, and one in particular has been great, but only my roommates have seen quite how bad it is, so I don't think anyone else really understands, and I can tell they are really frustrated with me for missing class and being behind on our work.
I am afraid that if I do take next term off, I will never get the chance to go back to graduate school. I'm in the top program in the country for my field, and I'm scared that if I leave I won't be able to come back.
I hate that my pain has become my identity, and that nobody besides my amazing boyfriend quite seems to get it. I was raised in a family that's very go-get'em and doesn't ask for help, so its hard for them to understand that there are days I can't get out of bed.
I hate that I'm afraid to walk outside. A fall on the ice is what started all of this, and I am terrified of falling again and setting myself back even further.
I hate that I don't even feel like I could handle planning my own wedding, so have had to ask my boyfriend to put off asking for awhile.
I'm frustrated that it takes so long to get in to see my doctors.
I'm angry that even walking for an extended period of time bothers my shoulder. I used to play volleyball and basketball and tennis and I love dancing and just being active, and I haven't been able to do any of that. Add to that having to eat a full meal whenever I take my heavier meds, and I'm unhappy with the way that I look.
Okay, whew. Sorry bout that. Thanks, Skye, it helps to just get that all out there with other people who actually understand. I hope everyone has a great, pain-free weekend!
Pain Issue: Sub-scapular bursitis, scapular dyskinesia, nerve damage down left arm, shoulder and neck
Treatment: PT, Tens Unit, Oxycodone, Diazepan, Hydrocodone-APAP, Tramadol, Voltaren/Duac gel
Also random hearing loss in both ears at age 18ish, not sure exactly when it happened or why. Got amazing Oticon hearing aids at 20, they've worked wonders! Keep hoping that my doctors can connect my ears to my shoulder and fix them both all at once!! A girl can dream, right?