Hi Miss Melissa,
*warm huggs* I know how hard it is to love someone who is there in the physical sense, but their souls left years ago never to be seen or heard from again. *warm huggs*
When it comes to your brother, all you need to do is take a deep breath and have a conversation with him. First off no curse words, or judgements. All you need to gain out of the "conversation" is ground rules.
"This christmas I need you to cut back on the medication for a few hours. If you cannot I will call a taxi cab for you so that the rest of the family is free to enjoy the holidays."
"I know how hard it is to be in pain, but, it is only _3-4hrs?_ for a short while and you can use other methods to keep yourself comfortable for that short peroid of time. IE gel, tea, lower dose of meds."
"We all love you and we all would like to spend quality time with you. But, if you cannot do it, we understand"
~~> you get the idea. Just plain, to the point with your expectations and then follow through with the consequence with as much indifference as possible. But be clear, quick, let him know you really DO understand, but need him with you. Not a painful shadow of his former self.
When it comes to your dad, I dont mean to pry but is he on government insurance? if he is... Try to get his main doctor(s) to prescribe a home health nurse to do a "weekly or bi weekly, check-up / standard physical". It will help you out a whole lot and ease your mind. They can come in once a week (or every other week), check on him, be sure everything is up to date, and keep his doctor updated. That way you dont need to worry unless something "new" or more "serious" comes up. Plus, it would ease your mind alot. Also, I know you are really busy woman with alot on your plate, but does he have a hobbie or "senior group" that he is involved in? Might be a good idea if it is possible. I dont know how sick or what he is sick with so the last part is just a random thought.
Most of all I want you to know you really do deserve a relaxing stress free holiday. You earned it! And you are well within your rights to ask for just that. You work far to hard and endure through waaay to much pain to have anything less than what would make YOU happy.
post script... I dont mean to get on a soap box with you about that one issue... But, I too think to myself *gosh, I could do so much if I had _______ body. Gosh, if _______ only knew that THEY ARE part of the over all problem with health care.* *sigh* *warm huggs*