stressful dilema

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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 12/16/2009 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I have serious chronic pain for which I take meds for. but here is the problem both my brother and father supposedly have chronic pain. I know my dad does, not sure about my brother. they take meds for their pain. the problem is that I think they are both abusing their meds. my father was acting strangely the other day and my brother was just here and he barely could hold his eyes open. I dont know how to act. I have said stuff to my brother and he could care less. he says he is just tired yadda yadda. I guess I am just worried and annoyed. Its people like him who wreck things for cp sufferers. I dont like to judge others but come on.I take my meds exactly how rx'd and I can keep my eyes open. I lock up my meds and all. I guess i am just disapointed. its really bad. I am going to tell my brother not to come here in this condition. my dad llives in the same house so I cant kick him out. thanks for listening
Chronic Lyme Disease
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
Sleep Apnea
Adrenal Fatigue

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 12/16/2009 4:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear about your situation but if your brother is over 18 I don't think there is much you can do about the situation other than like you said request that he not come over when he is in that condition. Does your brother have children? Now there is a totally different situation if it is possible for the children to be in harms way.

I would definately be keeping your meds hidden. If he is abusing his and runs out before it is time for a refill he may start looking for other means of getting them.

Guess I have a question regarding your father. I don't know his age but is he capable of handling his own medications?

I wish you luck!!!
DDD, osteoarthritis, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 453
   Posted 12/16/2009 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Jag you really need to be proactive about handling your medications. Keep a count and lock them up so you are the only one that has access. It is really difficult when dealing with your own family members and maybe intervention might be the answer for your brother.

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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 12/16/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks guys. my dad is only 49 and my brother is 28. Its just depressing to see your family like that. It also worries me that I have this addictive behavior that is hereditary. Me and hubby talked and there is no concern on either of our parts that I am like them. I guess a small part of me worries though. I have no doubt my father has pain he has had knee and back surgeries. I think my brother scams doctors. gosh that sounds so awful. I havent talked to anyone about this so this is hard. Luckily my brother doesnt have kids, if he did they would likely live with me. but he hasnt had a job in years and obviously uses his pills wrong. I just hope he isnt like this at christmas, because he was last year and wrecked it., it was awful. Its just sad to see someone WASTE their life like this. What I would give to be able to work. He used to be addicted to heroin so I guess he is just using this instead. He likes to blame everything on the fact that his mommy was adrunk and neglectful. its time to grow up and take responsibility for himself. I had the same mother and I am not like that. excuses excuses.

suck it up, grow up and get a life already.\\\

thanks for listening
Chronic Lyme Disease
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
Sleep Apnea
Adrenal Fatigue

Mrs. Dani
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 12/16/2009 6:40 PM (GMT -6)   
   Hi Miss Melissa,
     *warm huggs* I know how hard it is to love someone who is there in the physical sense, but their souls left years ago never to be seen or heard from again. *warm huggs*
      When it comes to your brother, all you need to do is take a deep breath and have a conversation with him. First off no curse words, or judgements. All you need to gain out of the "conversation" is ground rules.
      "This christmas I need  you to cut back on the medication for a few hours. If you cannot I will call a taxi cab for you so that the rest of the family is free to enjoy the holidays."
      "I know how hard it is to be in pain, but, it is only _3-4hrs?_ for a short while and you can use other methods to keep yourself comfortable for that short peroid of time. IE gel, tea, lower dose of meds."
       "We all love you and we all would like to spend quality time with you. But, if you cannot do it, we understand"
     ~~> you get the idea. Just plain, to the point with your expectations and then follow through with the consequence with as much indifference as possible. But be clear, quick, let him know you really DO understand, but need him with you. Not a painful shadow of his former self.
      When it comes to your dad, I dont mean to pry but is he on government insurance? if he is... Try to get his main doctor(s) to prescribe a home health nurse to do a "weekly or bi weekly, check-up / standard physical". It will help you out a whole lot and ease your mind. They can come in once a week (or every other week), check on him, be sure everything is up to date, and keep his doctor updated. That way you dont need to worry unless something "new" or more "serious" comes up. Plus, it would ease your mind alot.  Also, I know you are really busy woman with alot on your plate, but does he have a hobbie or "senior group" that he is involved in? Might be a good idea if it is possible. I dont know how sick or what he is sick with so the last part is just a random thought.
     Most of all I want you to know you really do deserve a relaxing stress free holiday. You earned it! And you are well within your rights to ask for just that. You work far to hard and endure through waaay to much pain to have anything less than what would make YOU happy.
post script... I dont mean to get on a soap box with you about that one issue... But, I too think to myself *gosh, I could do so much if I had _______ body. Gosh, if _______ only knew that THEY ARE part of the over all problem with health care.* *sigh* *warm huggs*



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood



Post Edited (Dani Henson) : 12/16/2009 4:43:09 PM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 12/16/2009 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey I am sorry to hear about your situation. When you talk to your brother does he give an excuse for medicating other than feeling "sore"? you are right, alot of people who act that way make it harder for people who are really in CP and need the medication. It makes it that much harder for them to get what they need, not want. If I wasnt in the pain I am, I would toss the meds and never look back. Not that easy as we all know.. like suggested I think you should explain to him that christmas is for your whole family to enjoy, not to revolve around a person for any reason. I agree with you for locking up your meds. I have an uncle who knows about my condition and asks for pills all the time because he thinks he has issues.. I tell him if you truly have a reason to be taking pain medication than a doctor would have no problem precrbing it to you, as I am not his doctor. Well... After no scripts my family has determined he just wants them to feel different. For that reason, I lock my meds up as well. Well I hope it gets better for you, and report back!

Neurofibromatosis Type 1, PVNS left hip, Arthiritis Left Hip/Knee

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 12/16/2009 9:58 PM (GMT -6)   

That's a tough one for sure! It doesn't sound like this is the case from what you said, but it's just a thought - could he/they possibly be overmedicated? If anything most CP patients are undermedicated, but perhaps your family members don't realize how much their meds are effecting their behavior? Just trying to think of some other explanation. I'm sorry that you're kind of stuck in the middle of this whole situation. I honestly don't know what to suggest other than approaching them, which you haven't had much luck with in the past... Sorry that I'm not much help! Definitely keep your meds locked up in a secure place when people are around your house! I hope this thing sorts itself out for you!


Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 12/17/2009 2:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jag:

I am sorry for your situation, I have a twin sister who I had to cut all ties with for very similar circumstances. I could not subject my children to her and her boyfriend in that condition. She still calls me every once in a while and it is always to ask me to "borrow" some of my pain medication for one reason or another (pharmacy miscounted, home health aid stole hers, etc.). She gets the same answer every time - a big fat NO! but she still tries.

She has had several doctors dismiss her as their patient, the local hospitals know her well and will not fall for her phony stories anymore.

I know how draining it can be on you emotionally. I think Dani's suggestion on how to handle the holidays is excellent.

Feel free to talk to "us" anytime.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 12/17/2009 3:30 AM (GMT -6)   
I think there has been a mix-up here. This is Merry Girls post not mine. I'm sure Merry Girl understands that. OK, now we can get back on track.

Hope your Christmas is better this year, Merry Girl!
DDD, osteoarthritis, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 12/17/2009 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Merry Girl Oh I so understand you. Hoidays are the worst with family like this. Everyone is so right put your limits out there and stick to your guns. YOU DO have some CONTROL! The abuser in my family are AWOL right now so the holidays are quiet for me this year.

It really does work to put boundries down I did I know you have the strength and power to do so also.

Please keep us updated on this. You will need all the support we can give through out the holidays.

Kidney Diseases and Disorders
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 173
   Posted 12/17/2009 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Merygirl
I am so sorry that your brother and father are seemingly abusing their opiod medicine.  That is very bad for people like us who actually need the meds and it becomes more difficult as people abuse them.
I had a husband who was addicted to them as well it was what finally broke up our 10 yr marriage.  As far as I know he is still addicted. 
Now there are groups in 3D and on line for family and friends of Drug abusers.  Unfortunately it sounds like your brother is in that group.  You may find it helpful to join and learn more about drug abuse.
May you have a wonderful Christmas Holiday.
Humour is always the Best Medicine!
Fibromyalgia, DDD, 2 herniated Lumbar discs, OsteoArthritis Lumbar, Migraine, Dysthmic Disorder, Anxiey, Panic Attacks, OsteoArthritis Knee, Carpal Tunnel both hands, Currently Double Depression

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 12/17/2009 5:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Merry girl,

Its sad that sometimes a family celebration like Christmas can bring these family issues to ahead. It must be awful for you to witness both your brother and your Dad abusing their meds. It puts such horrible pressure on your relationships.

I've only dealt with one friend who fell into the path of addiction and that was a great many years ago now and so hard, she use to steal from us. But now she is great, had two kids got out of an abusive relationship and has passed her law degree! Amazing to think in her twenties she was such a mess. Hopefully your brother will get some help with a psychologist or some sort of agency when he is ready for it. In my brief experience he's got to want to stop before he'll be able to talk abou it. but letting him know its a problem for you may be a complete surprise to him and may help kick start something. Best of luck.

Dad's are another issue, are his meds too strong? Maybe you could suggest aslow release form. I'd definately talk to him about it. But I don't envy you the emotional turmoil this is going to bring up.

I wish you well and some deep breaths, gentle hugs, golitho
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