i want to thank you all for your replies and it all makes such good honest sense. I hate to sound like a " yeah but" , ..But.. my problem is the getting out problem. My mind has so many great plans to do and go but it just hurts. It hurts to see and it hurts to think. This all started when i was finishing my degree which I started 30 some odd years ago but swore I would finish. Unfortunately all the rules in Illinois changed and I had to take a slew of math classes, statistics in particular. Trying to concentrate was just murder. The neurologist said it only made sense that the harder I tried to use those damaged brain cells, the more it would hurt but the professors didn't seem to understand. I should be nearing the end of my phd now if i had been able to continue, I think thats whats the hardest..The mind is willing but the brain isn't, I can read for about
20 minutes before I have to shut down, it hurts to wear the glasses on my face, I have to stay back far from the computer because the lite from the screen hurts my eyes. Gosh I sound like such a whiner. I keep reading all of your signatures after your posts and what you all are dealing with and think "what the hell are you complaining about
"..forgive me for getting my whining out, i promise to get it out soon and then turn into a listener. Its just so good to finally find folks who understand.
My brother got sick around the same time as I . He was/is a world traveler but also a bit of a drinker and picked up hep-c, had to have a liver transplant. We were emailing back and forth, I thought comiserating with each other, keeeping up as we each shared doctor visits and meds, treatments etc..or so I thought..until he got his transplant, felt better and then wrote and told me that he was tired of me always trying to play "who is sicker" and that i was just a drug addict and should get into some kind of rehab while he had been "really" sick...and I haven't heard from him in 3 years...rather struck me to me core. He couldn't see anything wrong so obviously I must just be in it for the meds.
anyway..thank you all for listening..and for being there.
i wish you all happy and healthier new year
sick and tired of being sick and tired