Hmm, I guess I didn't see that all as a red flag yesterday, but I was pretty out of it. He said that tramadol was made to act like a narcotic but without the habit forming problem, but that they've found that some people have become addicted to it. I guess its a good thing I didn't mention that my doctor just put me on the Fentanyl patch, I pick it up today. I think their aim is to try to prevent the problem that come with long-term usage, i.e. kidney problems, things like that. I'm not really sure.
So one of the guy's I dated in high school's father, who is now my best friend's father-in-law (catch that?), who is at the same time the father of one of my little brother's best friends went through this program years ago. (Did you follow all of that, :)) I haven't talked with him directly, but he spoke with my parents about it. He seemed pretty happy with the techniques that they taught him, though I do know that he's on many more pain meds than I, as we've compared notes.
I guess we'll just see what this two-day thing has in store. I fly back out to New York on Saturday to pack up all of my stuff, then my boyfriend comes out the following Thursday to help me load up the car and then to drive me home. But, things with him are a whole 'nother kettle of fish, as my grandpa used to say.
I have to admit, yesterday when my dad and I were waiting to see the pain rehab guy, I had a bit of a panic attack. Part of me really feels...I guess we'll go with guilty for not being able to deal with this on my own. Most days I feel like I'm a pretty heavy burden to my roommates, who turned tail and left, to my friends, who I don't really see much, to my boyfriend, who I know is starting to really get worn down, and to my family, especially to them, because they're the ones that have to drive me everywhere and pay for everything. I'm basically back to being a high schooler at home, minus the going to school part. And I know that financially we're in a tight place, and this doesn't help at all. I'm sorry, I guess I'm having a pity party for myself today. I'm just frustrated. I was hoping that the physical med doc yesterday would at least confirm my diagnosis, as nobody really has, but that didn't happen so I still feel like I'm floating out in la-la-land. FatherJohn asked in another post why we go to doctors, and I guess if I'm honest I keep hoping that somebody will magically look at my shoulder, say "aha", and be able to fix it. Or at least know what is wrong. But I guess that's the scared little girl peeking her head out, not the grown-up 23 year old I'm trying to be. I guess I just feel like I don't have the right to need things like heavy pain meds or special doctors or all of that. I've just got a shoulder that hasn't worked for two years. Some of you have had chronic conditions for longer than I've been alive, and all of you have more on your plates than one person alone should ever, ever have to deal with.
Whew. Okay sorry for that. I guess this is just a feel sorry for myself sort of day. I'm going to go down and hunt up some ice cream :)
Hugs to you all,
Pain Issue: Sub-scapular bursitis, scapular dyskinesia, nerve damage down left arm, shoulder and neck
Treatment: PT, Tens Unit, Tramadol, Flector Patches and a semester off of school!
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” - Lance Armstrong