I am really concerned for you at the moment, I love all these thought provoking things you keep posting but I worry what is going on for you to start this rush, this waterfall of insight. You seem so incredibly sad. I know you are struggling with your pain, obviously upset with your workplace. I can tell you're not being cared for very well by your current team of medical staff.
You need your very own FJ to look after you right now. Is there anyone you can talk to face to face about your problems? You seem so overwhelmed with everything. I wish I could be there to just listen to you, provide that shoulder to lean on.
I don't mean to intrude and I hope I haven't upset you further, its so hard online but I'm really worried about you.
I also struggle with mixed emotions right now as my own pain has spread to effect more of my body, I worry where it will go next, what my options are, how I will cope with work when I start again, how these new pain meds will affect me, How I now define myself, what I can do to help myself, finding the energy to help myself, how do I admit to my workplace I need more help...will that affect my employability? Do I admit I'm now on opiates? Somehow through it all I still feel positive, Skeye said to me take it a small step at a time, I keep doing that, bite sized pieces, don't look too far ahead.
Water is a beautiful analogy, Dani, forever changing, life giving, soothing. I send you my biggest warmest wishes, Father John, golitho