~To Forgive & Forget

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Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 2/11/2010 10:27 PM (GMT -6)   
      Dear Family,
       I have times in my life, recently, where I am told the most offensive, disturbing things. These thoughless words and phrases often plague me long after they are said. It is hard to hold my tongue during the times these things are said, but often I come here. To my friends, to get these things off my chest. Its time to forgive and forget. Would anyone else like to join me?
  "It's just boneloss."
  "You don't try hard enough to not be in pain."
  "You need to see a hypnotist."
  "Good that you are just a stay at home mom."
  "Your bills arnt that high, you have insurance. I NEED to borrow money."
      ...There. That feels a little bit lighter. Time to forgive and forget.
*warm huggs*



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood



White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 2/12/2010 2:26 AM (GMT -6)   

Words can hurt you, they can scar and maim as bad as any other weapon. You know I find it extremely difficult to sometimes forgive, and darn near impossible to forget! The things that you have written down that you have been told, I cringe to think how much that must have hurt you! I know that my Lawyer and I got into a disagreement and the the things he said to me, it cut like a knife, and to think I am paying this guy to represent me! People can be so cruel!

I wish you well Dani and hope things start turning around for the better for you!

White Beard

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 2/12/2010 3:51 AM (GMT -6)   
This reminds me of the definition of stress.

Refusing to strangle the hell out of someone who truly deserves it.

I suppose why this comes to mind is that regardless if you let it roll off of you and forgive or let someone have it at least you get it out. Holding it in is the worst thing to do.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 2/12/2010 6:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Dani, you are such a sweet soul and I can see you wanting to forgive & forget. It's a sad world when there are such ignorant people out there that would even say something like that to someone in your position.

Like Jim commented, sometimes you just gotta let it all out or the same people will continue to make the same stupid comments. Sometimes it's just better to put some distance between yourself and uneducated self-centered people.

You take care of yourself and your little bumblebees and try not to worry about the small stuff.
DDD, osteoarthritis, facet syndrome, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus surgeries left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 2/12/2010 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I would like to join you, let's see if I can actually forget,these things play like a broken record player in my mind:

"You just need to control your disease then you will be better"
"If I were you I would have been whipped into shape in 2 years, instead you just lay around here and get high and focus on your pain"
"If you don't start making yourself feel better you need to consider letting Atticus (my only child) come live with me" -have u my house may not be spotless and I may not cook very often but I am up with my son loving him every afternoon.
"U have no idea how I feel and you don't try. I doingeverything by myself and you don't give a **** because you just want to take pills"
"Anyone could be lazy and get diagnosed with all the crap you have been diagnosed with"
"I always told you what a good mother you were. I've never said you were a bad mom. You noticed I said WERE didn't you?"-now wanst that contradictory

That is just the tip of the iceburg and that is just from my husband and my mom.

Ugh so sad and demoralizing. **crying now**
27 yrs old-Fibromyalgia; PCOS; Surgery induced Menopause; Classic Migraines with Aura; Neuropathy; Ankylosing Spondylitis w/ narrowing around the spinal cord; Spinal Stenosis of the Cervical & Lumbar Spine; other little things
Medications for pain: Oxycontin; Soma **will update when change meds for sleep, etc.
Other treatment: Aquatic Therapy (still have to start); Sleep Study (need a sitter)

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 2/12/2010 7:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you sure we aren't related?? I'm so sorry you are going through all of this mess, pain and frustration! What? Are we really in pain because we want to be? I can promise you I'd make the "family" correct and just get over it if I could!! I'm sure everyone on this site would do the same. For me the worst part is not what is said, but what is implied by the disgust in their eyes when they look are me and the total lack of respect. This is exactly why I have chosen my own family now and have chosen not to remain in a relationship with people who simply can't support me. I hope things get better for you and remember, I believe we are all here to validate your illness and pain.
DXed-Syringomyelia C-1 to T-1, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes Type II, Adhesive Capsulitis "aka" Frozen Shoulder, IBS, Panic Disorder, ICC (Interstitial Cystitis), Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Bipolar Disorder
Too many meds to name/Too many allergic reactions/sensitivities to too many drugs to name. Meds for Panic Disorder, Pain, Bipolar, IBS, Hypothroidism, Diabetes, Insomnia and then some.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 2/12/2010 10:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Awww, I'm so sorry you've gone thru this. The one that kills me is "Gee...you don't look like you're in pain...you look great"

I just wish there was a way for someone who says these sorts of things to us to experience our lives for one day...just one single day. Until that happens, just stand tall, stay calm and try hard not to let it get to you. I've gotten to the point now that I refuse to put up with comments like that, and simply reply "until you're walking in my shoes, you have no right to comment on my condition, so please keep your unwanted opinions to yourself."

Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pelvic Pain, FAI, Reynauds, IBS, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines
(plus physically unable to vomit due to Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins...a joy for blood work or IV's)
Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT
Medications: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Nortriptyline
Other: Vitamin D, Multi-Vitamin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 2/12/2010 5:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I really feel for you Dani,
Some people don't seem to connect their words up to their brains so there is zero thought going in to their comments.
I love it when someone tells you that you must really want this disease, as if we have a choice to be ill or in pain. Some alternative healers are like that, all we have to do is just "think positive thoughts". I mean "hello" is anyone in there? I had a freind tell me I was obviously carrying some karma from a past life. Now I'm not a violent person but I felt like hitting her on the nose and saying whoops now I get to pay for that in my next life!
Keep smiling Dani, watch those beautiful free spirited daughters of yours and enjoy the beauty of the world around us, sadly there are too many non thinking people out there who just have no idea whats its like to live with CP. We're always here for you, golitho

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 2/12/2010 6:03 PM (GMT -6)   
youre such a sweet person. I cant imagine anyone wanting to hurt you. SOme things people say to me that I could get off my chest would be

"just lose some weight and exercise"
"glad to see youre feeling better" when youre not....
" you just gotta do it"
"but, you look good"

good luck dani,
Chronic Lyme Disease,Fibromyalgia, CFS, PCOS, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, bulging discs to name a few

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 329
   Posted 2/12/2010 8:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I love it when my boss assumes that because I do not sound like I am in pain that means I am all better and never going to be in pain again. When my best friend (who is a pain person too) gets annoyingly "poor you" with me. If I wanted a pity party I would throw it myself. Of course there is always the "whats wrong this time" everytime I tell my boss I need to take it easy. Its like she magically forgets my problems.

I think my all time favorite, said by family, doctors and friends is....
....but your too young for this to be happening....

Take care,

Hysterectomy at 25 : 4 laproscopic surgeries since 24

Cervical Stenosis between C 2 and C6 and two bulging disks located C2/3 and C4/5

Meds - percocet  3x day : Methadone 10mg 1x day :Amrix 15mg 1x day: Pristiq 50mg 1x day


In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 2/12/2010 9:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Dani , I'm sorry you have to take hits like that , you are strong and courageous to me, to be caring for children at the same time as meeting your challenges is amazing .Vent here , among friends , we understand and I for onearm glad to have a place like this with people who understand and empathize .

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 2/13/2010 12:00 AM (GMT -6)   


I understand how you feel, people that don't live with CP don't have a clue.  Not to wish bad on anyone....BUT there will come a day when these comments will come back to bite them in the butt.  I have heard many comments similar to what you posted, I was so devastated at the time, I couldn't think of a reply.  Now when a comment is made I repeat it back to them, so you think I should exercise a little more to stop the neck pain...hmmm I didn't think of that, thanks for your advise.  It really sounds stupid when you say it back to them.  Oh, so the leg numbness can be fixed by losing weight, gee I'll ask my Dr. he hasn't mentioned that as a cure for nerve damage.  I don't do it sarcastically, just matter of fact. 

Sometimes I picture myself slapping them silly or as they walk away do an imaginary finger and not with the index finger...lol.

Hope all our replies help you feel better!



Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 2/13/2010 4:23 PM (GMT -6)   
(((((((Dani))))))))). I think we all deal with those type of comments. I know people are just trying to be helpful, but they really just make things worse. That's much of the reason why I try to pretend that everything is okay, even when it's not. It just makes me more upset to hear those "comments" and "suggestion" and I just don't want to talk about my pain with other people.


Post Edited (skeye) : 2/13/2010 7:03:32 PM (GMT-7)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/13/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Plus, I think we are way too busy trying to cope to let these things bother us. Though I for one am glad that I can come here to vent about it.

I have come a long ways to get my pain at a tolerable level and am not going to waste any of my time dwelling on the hurtful comments. And like as mentioned above, those who have not dealt with cp haven't got a clue to how we feel and what we have tried. I guess this is another example of 'ignorance is bliss'.

I hope that you all are having a painfree day today.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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