O.K., I made a few posts other places and read about
other people and Straydog, I finally can come back here, to facing the guilt. Mikel said something on another post that really hit me, "making peace with the present moment". My little girl has had problems for a long time. Even before I got sick. I've watched after her and tried to help her understand right from wrong which she does, but the consequences trip her up every time. It's not her fault, and dang it, it's not mine either. She was not under my roof, nor was I responsible for her day to day care when she was injured. Getting it across to her that what you sow, that will you also reap is the battle. My bedroom is in direct sight of her bedroom door and still she is able to get out of there and go do all manner of things without me knowing! So, that tells me she is aware of right and wrong. YOU said it all!! YOU made me look at things in a different sight. You are so right and I thank you. I am not helping her one bit by beating myself up nor am I helping anyone else. I really had to face this one straight on. I've always liked to just pull the bandaid off, no slipping it here and there, just rip! You probably know all about
what I'm going to tell you, but ?? When my bowels ruptured, (six inches removed at the rectum and a colostomy which was taken down in March '06) they placed a tube with a reservoir bulb at the end of it called a Jackson Pratt, for draining inside my abdomen. It was held by one stitch. When they were preparing me to finally(!) leave the hospital, the nurse came in and said she was going to pull it out. O.K., fine, cut the stitch (she did and cut me too!) and there is just that little tube to pull from inside, no biggie. Boy was I wrong! The deal is, on the end of the tube that is inside your body is a good sized, triangular thing! She started pulling and it hit that triangle and out of just reaction, I grabbed her arm and she stopped! I moved my hand, held onto the bars and screamed, "GO, GO, GO!!!" She looked at me and I screamed, "PULL, PULL, PULL!!" She did and it came out just fine. My point being, I like to face things and go forward and I haven't been doing that with all this stuff! This is a revelation to me and though I may have to be reminded every day in some small way, I get it! I really think I have finally gotten it! Thank you!! I mean really, really THANK YOU! (that's not screaming, it's pouring joy from my heart!) Thank all of you! I don't know how I've made it up to this point without you guys! My goodness, I feel blessed!
I'm called Cat, but as there are few other Cat's on here, I put the number of cats I have and combined it to spell out Catz4
DXed-Syringomyelia C-1 to T-1, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes Type II, IBS, Panic Disorder, ICC , Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Muscle Spasms, Torn Rotator Cuff in Left Shoulder, Had emergency surgery for ruptured bowel in '05 w/colostomy and takedown in '06.
Too many meds to name/Too many allergic reactions/sensitivities to too many drugs to name. Meds for Panic Disorder, Pain, Bipolar, IBS, Hypothroidism, Diabetes, Insomnia and then some.