my pain, my problems, my solutions, and my fears

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/11/2010 5:27 AM (GMT -7)   
i've decided to be open about the problems that i am having.  i hope and pray that i am not part of the reason some people are not posting, but i've only been myself on here.  actually this is one of the few places where i can be totally honest about my life and my struggles with chronic pain.  unfortunately i have been a "chat hog" lately and i have felt guilty for it.  i am also on facebook, but it is not my full name, I am Cat Tabatha :)  and it is meant for healing well friends only so i can be open.
with that being said, i'm struggling.  i'm in so much pain that i cannot be touched right now.  HOWEVER i admit that i have a problem with opiates.  my tolerance seems to be incredibly high and i admit that i was also abusing my meds in order to cope with the emotional struggles that go along with mourning chronic pain, along with other issues. 
i'm tired right now, and i'm not sleeping well because of pain.  i'm taking neurontin and robaxim for the pain.
this is where i need you guys.  i'm leaving to go into an intensive 30 -45 day treatment facility on tuesday.  i will miss this forum tremendously.  i desperately need prayers, support, and LETTERS.  i will not be able to see my son for the entire time, but i will be able to see my husband every sunday and he will use his cell to take video's for my son.  and we will write. 
i'm scared.  the fear just hit me, but i'm so scared.  i'm in so much pain that i'm not sure how i'm going to make it through this, but i need your support and advice.  i know that i can do this, and i know this is a crucial step in managing my pain, but my emotions are rampant.
i'm sorry if this is dramatic or off topic, but this is one of my biggest support systems.  thank you in advance for helping and thank you for reading and helping. 
27 yrs old-Fibromyalgia; PCOS; Surgery induced Menopause; Classic Migraines with Aura; Neuropathy; Ankylosing Spondylitis w/ narrowing around the spinal cord; Spinal Stenosis of the Cervical & Lumbar Spine; other little things
Medications for pain: Oxycontin; Soma **will update when change meds for sleep, etc.
Other treatment: Aquatic Therapy (still have to start); Sleep Study (need a sitter)

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 4/11/2010 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Tabatha, I will be more than happy to write or whatever you'd like! I'm proud of you, your strength and determination. I am sorry that you are going through this, but remember that you are such a wonderful person with a heart that is so very good. Take care of yourself and know there are many, many people keeping you in their thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
I'm called Cat, but as there are few other Cat's on here, I put the number of cats I have and combined it to spell out Catz4
DXed-Syringomyelia C-1 to T-1, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes Type II, IBS, Panic Disorder, ICC , Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Muscle Spasms, Torn Rotator Cuff in Left Shoulder, Had emergency surgery for ruptured bowel in '05 w/colostomy and takedown in '06.
Too many meds to name/Too many allergic reactions/sensitivities to too many drugs to name. Meds for Panic Disorder, Pain, Bipolar, IBS, Hypothroidism, Diabetes, Insomnia and then some.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 4/11/2010 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   


Your strength and determination will help you through are in my thoughts and prayers!!


Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 4/11/2010 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   

We are here to support you... I hope and pray that your intensive treatment therapy brings you relief.
Peace and Healing
Lyme Disease - Doxycyline, IV-Rocephin, Gabapentin, Vitamins B,C & D

solar powered
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 4/11/2010 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi. I don't think we've talked before but I wanted to let you know that I think it is amazing, honest and really brave of you to accept that you have a problem and are reaching out for help. I can understand how this situation may make you uncomfortable, nervous or embarrassed. I had to battle through all those feelings myself to get help for my depression. I think you should be kind to yourself and be proud of yourself for making these steps of acceptance, taking responsibility and moving forward in a positive way. So many people never make it to that point for various reasons (denial, embarrassment, money, arrogance, etc) and lose everything. You have proven that you don't want to go down that painful road by making this step. I've never been to rehab myself but I can imagine that it will in all honesty be difficult but please remember what and who will be waiting for you on the other side to share in your success. And your HW family will be here to help along the way if you need it. I wish for you the very best. Just remember to breathe and that you can do this.

Be well, Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 928
   Posted 4/11/2010 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
In my opinion, your post is NOT off-topic at all. This is a forum for chronic pain patients and what you are going through is something that all CPers are at risk of experiencing. There is a fine line separating dependence and addiction. No doubt about it - you have some tough days ahead of you, BUT with the support of your family and friends, you WILL get through it and you will be a stronger and happier person because of it. I will be thinking of you and will include you in my prayers (if that is ok). My biggest piece of advice is to just take one day at a time (or one minute, or one hour!) - it may be cliche, but it is the truth. Don't worry about the future (or the past) - just concentrate on getting through today. Life WILL be good again. smile

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 4/11/2010 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes! we will all be here for you, and will welcome you back with open arms. Take care our friend!

DDD (Degenerative Disk Disease) S1-L4-L5, Heart Attack 2002, Angioplasty to clear blocked Artery and to implant Stent. Six Epidurals, Disocgram, Melanoma Cancer 07, Lumbar Fusion March of 2010, Four cortisone injections Tendinitis in Elbow.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 4/11/2010 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Your topic is just fine, Tabatha. Sharing our lives is what we are all about because it's pretty hard to separate our pain from our daily living. I know you'll make it through the rehab program because you are a wonderfully strong woman. Please know we're out here and waiting for your return.

Warm hugs,
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein

(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/11/2010 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Cat8201,
I want to commend you on finding the courage to face addiction head on. You're doing the right thing in going into an inpatient program. And you can be sure of one thing - everyone else you will be joining there will be as scared as you are, so you won't be alone. You'll have a lot of time in group, and will be able to find support through that, so I hope you can put some faith that you'll be with others facing similar struggles.

I'm not giving you medical advice here, but I've worked in a professional capacity with addictions and other mental health issues. I hope that your facility has an Addictionologist on staff. That's a doctor with specialized certification in Addiction Medicine. They have particular ways of addressing people who have both addiction and chronic pain. I'm not going to lie to you and say it will be a piece of cake; it will be work, and at first it may be a challenge to find some medications and other treatments that are not addicting but will help your pain. You will need to learn every non-pharmaceutical treatment you can to help, but it won't help right away. So try to remember yes, it will be sometimes one minutes at a time, but have hope you can make it through. You're not going to be alone in the program.

I'm glad they're involving your husband. Most places do have a family component, and it's important he learns what you're dealing with, and that both of you are in this together.

I know this forum isn't for addiction, but I do believe if you are struggling to manage your pain and still stay "clean and sober" (as the saying goes) you will find support here. There are addiction forums, too, but finding a good one would be important because there are some in the addiction community who are "old school" and believe you shouldn't take any pills whatsoever. In the case of a chronic pain patient, it's about finding a good balance, and following your doctor's orders precisely, and some medications may be off-limits for you.

You're doing what's right for you and your family, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Still, if you commit to and work a program with the right professionals, you can find a much better life for yourself in the long run.

Try to find some faith that things will get better over time!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2261
   Posted 4/11/2010 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I know we haven't met yet, but I wanted you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you are going thru this tough time. 
soft hugs
Dx:  ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, hypothyroidism, typeII diabetes, asthma, allergies, high blood pressure, polycystic ovary syndrome, PTSD, depression, anxiety

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 4/11/2010 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I guess you know I'm going to be there for you whenever I can ,When we spoke earlier you sounded determined and scared but thats to be expected .Good job reaching out for support you don't have to do this alone and shouldn't try , the more support the better .It was great hearing you laughing by the end of the call , like we agreed , we've come a long way and theres great times ahead  your showing great courage adressing and confronting your issues , some very painful one I know but you can do it I'm sure .You've got everything to live for and every reason to live for it , so go baby go !!! Look out world Tabatha's coming thru !!!! Call anytime kiddo I hope you already know that , the sucesses we are sharing is just too cool for words !!! Stay strong and remember I and many others are here for you , and thinking of you with caring hearts .Talk to you soon my good friend   luv ya much Mikell
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of unknown but cellulitus-like ailment  .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus-like ailment .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now . Great frustration because doctors unable to diagnos ailment              .Medecines -    ,viracept,truvada, lasix .  oxicontin  '                                                                                                                         

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 4/11/2010 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   

I am impressed by your honesty! WOW!

WIth that being said, I wish you the best of luck. I will pray for you.
Chronic Lyme Disease,Fibromyalgia, CFS, PCOS, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, bulging discs to name a few

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/11/2010 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you so much all of you. i found out today that i will only have 2 phone calls a week. i thought it was 2 days but it is just 2 calls. ugh. i'm in so much pain that it is driving me crazy. but i'm working on distraction, that is why i am here.
27 yrs old-Fibromyalgia; PCOS; Surgery induced Menopause; Classic Migraines with Aura; Neuropathy; Ankylosing Spondylitis w/ narrowing around the spinal cord; Spinal Stenosis of the Cervical & Lumbar Spine; other little things
Medications for pain: Oxycontin; Soma **will update when change meds for sleep, etc.
Other treatment: Aquatic Therapy (still have to start); Sleep Study (need a sitter)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3076
   Posted 4/11/2010 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Best of luck! It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have a problem & even more to do something about it. Hang in there. You'll get through this.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 4/11/2010 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Cat..I certainly will be praying for you during this difficult time..I just know that you will be strong enough to face everything head on and come through this stronger than ever!!

Sending you big hugs to take with you (( ))
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Dec 2006

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 4/11/2010 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
   Dear Tabbatha,
      Your doing a fantastic job. Hang in there!!!! You can do this! email me if you want to I am always here!



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood



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