"paying" for trying to be normal for a few hours.

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 5/23/2010 7:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I had a wedding that I had to go to sat night. I was looking forward to getting dressed up for once. I had a nice outfit hair and nails done looking as good as I could. We also had our kids spending the night with my parents! So we had the whole night ahead of us.

I was in pain before I even left. We got there and I had a glass of wine. I crave this once in awhile. I really tried to be talkative and sociable, but as the night went on I was just pretending. My husband kept asking why I was so quiet and why I stopped talking. I jnew it was his oldest friends wedding reception from out of state, so I had to be tough as possible. Everyone was leaving early and we were like the last non relatives to be there. so it felt like there was a lot of pressure to hang out.

I wanted to go home and be in my sweats badly! So me and hubby ended up leaving at about 1030pm. Hubby is definitely wanting to go somewhere else, but I couldnt. So I felt bad.

Well for all that I woke up at 9amin absolute agony. Had to take meds and go back to bed just to be able to get up and be "productive" I never have to do that. So I suffered all day for 3.5 hours of being out! I know you can all relate to this. I really tru not to be selfish and not go or participate in life, but man days like this make me reconsider!

On a positive note Hubby and I finally got real wedding rings since we both lost the original ones. They were only like plain gold bands, but they did mean a lot.

I have never had a piece of fine jewlery before. Its a sparkly ring and band. We have to make payments on it so I wont get it for awhile and then will have to have it resized. but heck I have waited 10 years! I never got an engagement ring and it secretly made me sad so this is a big day!

It was on sale for $350 down from $1400! I am not a shallow materialistic person, but I have always felt left out or whatever.I know its stupid. But now I have something to pass on to my daughter.

IDK it kind of made my day better in the end.

here is to a better day tomorrow.

Chronic Lyme Disease,Fibromyalgia, CFS, PCOS, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, bulging discs to name a few

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 5/23/2010 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Rings are important-try to let yourself rejoice in finally getting them without the guilt of having wanted them.

I understand where you are coming from with the other too-my nephew is graduating from high school next weekend and if the weather is good that means a 4 hour ceremony in the heat and sun in folding chairs. Then a party afterward.
I'll go and I will enjoy it but I will also be enduring it and most likely pay for it afterward.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 5/23/2010 9:55 PM (GMT -6)   
((((((Melissa))))))). I think we can all relate to what you went through. It's amazing how one little seemingly normal thing can cause such repercussions. I hope you have a better night tonight & are able to get some rest.

Congrats on your new ring. It sounds beautiful. Sometimes you just have to treat yourself! :-)


White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 5/23/2010 10:58 PM (GMT -6)   

You post made me smile and cringe at the same time, my ex and her family never knew when to go home! When eveer there was a wedding or any type of shin-dig she and all her family was always the last ones to leave!!!! I was always called the party pooper,as I was always ready to leave early, my ex and her family had no idea what I went through just to go to their family doings! Or if they did they didn't care! You can only pretend to be having a good time so long, when your really in lots of pain and then you just can't continue with the charade any longer! Your post brought back allot of memories indeed!!

I am happy for you about getting your ring, it is a outward symbol of some very serious and important internal feelings. I can understand the importance of it to you! Because it is important! Maybe the wait will make it that much more precious!

May you have better days too!

White Beard

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 5/23/2010 11:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Melissa   I totally understand about the pain you had when you went to the wedding.  I hope you're feeling better.  People really don't understand unless they have the chronic pain.  ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
Dx:  ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, hypothyroidism, typeII diabetes, asthma, allergies, high blood pressure, polycystic ovary syndrome, PTSD, depression, anxiety

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 5/24/2010 7:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your support as always. I can always count on you guys to know how I feel.
I am definitely grateful that I got to go out at all. I really try not to be to self centered when it comes to my illnesses and pain. I really dont want them to define me.

WB- your ex's family sounds like my inlaws. They are some serious party goers. I remember one christmas party I had where I actually had to go to bed because it was 1 am and they were going strong. I am like you and I am so not like that. They are great people though who support me no matter what, They even go to my support meetings!

The rings are important to me. Thanks for letting me know i dont have to feel guilty about this. I guess I do because We dont have a ton of money and I am sure we could spend it on something else. But I feel good about making payments on it. I think wb is right saying it will be more precious because of the wait!

Thanks for listening!
Chronic Lyme Disease,Fibromyalgia, CFS, PCOS, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, bulging discs to name a few

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 5/24/2010 7:31 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Melissa,

Sadly, we definitely understand how you feel.  Its so hard to sit and try to be normal when on the inside your screaming take me home....I've been there so many times.  My husband has a band and when they play he asks quietly if I am going, its so sad and tears my heart out when I really can't push myself to go!  He says he understands but it makes me feel so guilty!

Rest today and CONGRATULATIONS on your Rings!!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 5/24/2010 8:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Melissa girl , So sorry you had such a rough morning after the wedding , but how sweet you are to try and tough it out for your man , thats pretty cool in my book ! When your in a relationship it can't be all about you , you understand that and good for you .Its a shame you had to suffer so though Melissa , your a good person , I hope you got some enjoyment out of seeing friends and hanging out a little .Hang in there Sweetheart things will improve we are all pulling for you ! How is your doggie Melissa ? Feel better soon , your buddy Mikel

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Melissa,

Wow, I can sure relate to what you're saying. My husband and I are generally homebodies, but we do receive several invites out to things on a regular basis. I've learned that I have to pace myself...I can't do everything as much as I'd like to. I always feel guilty when I have to say no to someone. I'm lucky in the fact that my hubby doesn't want to go out all the time so I don't feel like I'm disappointing him all the time, but I just hate it when I have to miss something special because i"m in pain.

That being said, for the longest time, I've kept my health issues to myself and didn't let friends know what was going on. I decided this year to be more up front about my health and my limitations and surprisingly, it's gone well. My friends are relieved to know what I'm dealing with isn't going to kill me, and they all very subtly make concessions for me, so I don't feel left out.

I hope that as time goes by Melissa, you will be able to find a way to balance all the activity against needing to rest, so you take care of your body.

Congratulations on the new wedding rings!!!! I hope that they last for as long as your marriage does, bringing you love and laughter daily!

Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain (with permanent muscle damage), Femoralacetabular Impingement (CAM and Pincer), Reynauds, IBS, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (both Surgical Menopause and medication related), plus physically unable to vomit due to the Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins with a lot of scar tissue...a joy when it comes to having to give blood or get an IV started

Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT

Medications: Oxycontin, Cesamet, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Flexeril and Clonidine plus Laxaday, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin daily

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:46 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel your pain!!  We had my grandson's 2nd Birthday party at our house yesterday...cookout, cake, kids, power wheels and all.  I know I over did it and had some problems late in the evening, but even with the pain....not something I would have missed unless I was....well, just not myself.  My kids and my grandkids are my life, so things like birthdays, weddings, get to gathers are things I do knowing that I will pay for it, but at the same time knowing if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stand it!!!
Congrats! on the rings...when my husband and I got married, all we could afford was some costume jewelry from the flea market,  but a few years ago he replaced it and it was a wonderful feeling....We all like to show stuff off sometimes!!!!  lol
New MRI's show I have 3 GOOD vertabrae.  The rest are bulging, compressed, protruding or in one of the three spinal stenosis' in my back.  One stenosis in my neck and two in my lower back.  Fibromyalgia, cfs, degenerative bone disease, osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, HORRIBLE memory problems, panic attacks, depression, and muscle cramps that don't stop.
Meds:  Oxycontin 60mg 2x day, Effexor xr 300mg 1xday, Robaxian 3xday, Valium 10mg 4xday, Lortab 10mg 4xday, Phenergan PRN, Folic Acid, B12 and B6

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 5/24/2010 3:40 PM (GMT -6)   

I never called them my "inlaw's" they were always my "outlaws" when I was married! ( a little bit more applicable I think! ) It does make it bareable if they are supportive of you though! I never got that from mine, heck I never got it from my ex either, that is part of the reason we are no longer married!

Don't you ever feel guilty about wanting those rings Melissa! They are important to you! and they should be!!!!! You have every right to want them! I am Happy for you and I am sure every one else is too!

White Beard

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 5/25/2010 7:09 AM (GMT -6)   

Don't you feel guilty about those rings. You deserve to have them. You are in a loving marriage and should have nice rings to celebrate that union.

As for your pain and going out, you have helped me. By your post and all the responses, I don't feel so bad about myself. I always have to pace myself when I go out, even to events for my granddaughter like sitting and watching her perform gymnastics for an hour. By the time I get home, I am wiped. I have to pick and choose what I want to do. So, thank you very much for posting. I don't feel so alone and understand what others go through.

God bless and have a lpd.

Co-Moderator Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia Forums
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.

New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/25/2010 3:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Please read Fourm Rules before Posting.
This post has been deleted, it is in violation of forum rules #6, and 20#

Post Edited By Moderator (White Beard) : 5/25/2010 2:59:33 PM (GMT-6)

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 5/25/2010 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
   Dear Melissa,
     Im with everyone else!!!! DON'T YOU DARE FEEL GUILTY!!!!! It is a sign of your devotion and deep love for one another. I cannot think of anything more important than a smile on your heart! So dont worry so much. It is worth it, and more importantly YOU are worth it!
     But... hopefully by now you are feeling a little better. I know it was painful for you to go so long and be in so much pain. I bet your friend was very proud to have you there! Rest as much as you can. I know your have a busy household, so hopefully you will have a few moments to relax.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
Chronic Pain Moderator

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 5/26/2010 6:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Melissa,
I read your post the other night but was too burnt to write. Your story really touched me. I'm so happy for you that you finally are getting rings!!! You really deserve them and please don't feel guilty about it!! Somethings are more important than bills!!! Sorry to hear about your pain but you did a nice thing for your husband and I'm sure he apreciates it alot!!! Hope your feeling better today!!
Your friend,
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! 

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