Well, Its been a hard 2 weeks so far. I've been riding the 9 - 10 waves for a little over two weeks and it is wearing me down. But... what more can I expect? Opioids, tri cyclics, muscle relaxors, NSAIDs, steroids, TeNS, epi series..... They make me as "comfortable as possible" while my progressive spinal deformity continues to... well, progress. I hope that I will soon become accustomed to this new level, if it is indeed, my new "10".
One of my husbands relatives was so kind, and really I know she ment well... but hearing, "Can't they just fix it?" makes my heart feel heavy and sad. Is it hopeless to dream of being a surgical candidate? I know I will always be in pain. I know that, I accept it I really do! But... if there is some way, anyway, I could stop or slow the progression of my primary progressive levoscoliosis or my secondary dextroscoliosis..... Dreaming of things like that isnt going to help me.
"Oh no, you are an inch shorter. Need to have your cobb angles measured. Need to call the doctor."
I just get this sickening dread. I was 5ft 8.5 in this exact same time last year!!!! Now I am down to 5ft 4in? ANOTHER inch in just 3 months time?!?!?!? I don't want to know how badly ive progressed! I just had X Rays done in MARCH! I don't want endless X rays. They hardly even do MRIs anymore. Its just x rays left and right. I wish that the incease in pain wasnt an indication of this sickening progression of my relentless spinal deformity. Last time the pain incerased permanantly I found out I had formed an entirely new secondary in my thoracic.... in less than 6mos time??? what now? What is happening now? What is going on to cause this new constant pain? The loss of another inch off my height?.... How much of this am I supposed to withstand?
I can't believe my deformities started just 3 years ago. I can't believe what has happened to my body in such a short amount of time.