I emailed it to you because I thought you might be busy with 4th of july celebrations. Here it is again~~>
***I saw you deleted your post while I was replying, so I hope you dont mind my responding! ***
Goood morning! *warm hugg* It is always good to hear from you! What are your planns for tonight??? More importantly how are you feeling today?
Ahh, your son... bless his heart. So, I am gonna talk about a few things. But, first I want you to know a little background.
...I ran away from home 2 weeks before I turned 15. For good reason, and goodness it was the best thing I ever did. I was able to accomplish so much in life. .... but around the time I had my oldest daughter (was 21) I got word from one of the much older biological family members. We began talking when I was 20. She lets me know who has died, who is in prision, etc. Our relationship is secret. I cannot be near or around my biological family for... serious reasons. Anycase, she called letting me know my cousin had run away and she was asking for help. So, I flew out to the state where my aunt was, obtained custudy with a little strong arming (she is addicted to many druggs). Got him out of hiding, and got him into school. He deserved a chance. I didnt care what he ended up doing in life, but he deserved a chance. It only took 3 months of excess work to give him that chance. And boy did he take that chance and run with it. I would have never guess in a million years that he literally was an academic genius. Amazing.
...so, a few years later when he was oh.. Id say about 18 or maybe just about to turn 18 he met a young girl. She was a looker, no doubt. ...She was also very manipulative, demanding, verbally and physically abusive, controlling.... Sound about like your young mans girl friend?
...when he came over for supper (by this time he was in community college and had a little apartment close to the bus stop) it hit me like a 10 ton brick to the head! How could I have missed something so obvious?!?! She is on the phone, I can hear her screaming away. Angry he wasnt with her (he had just saw her an hour prior) and raving mad he was at my house. And that is when it HIT ME!
...He is addicted to the emotional high she brings him. You heard me right. He was addicted to the turmoil, the conflict, emotional extreme highs. What helped the best was to allow him to make his own decisions but still provide him the means and oppertinuty to work towards becomming a independant adult.... in other words, I continued to do all the things and all the stages he needed to become independant. In the end, about a year later, she really crossed the line and he had enough. He left her.
I dont think there was anything I could do or say to make them break up before that though. All I could do was make sure he was comfortable and wasnt isolated. ..But, now I wouldnt stand for drama at my home, not atall. If she wanted to have her anxiety fuled arguments they were NOT to be done in, near or around my home. But, I also didnt try to force him to stop dating her. In the end it was important that he experienced what a realtionship like that can do and problems it can cause. I think that if I was to push him or talk bad about her, it would do nothing but make him withdrawl from me. I didnt want that atall. Now.. I sure did wish! He could have had a small fender bender with her, instead of a head on collision with an abusive relationship. But, it was important that I help him to lay a foundation for his life and not give that little girl the means and motive to completly isolate him. As much as I loved him, he was addicted to the "emotional highs" that she brought, but did eventuially learn that it wasnt okay.
So.. that was my little adventure in young men and their young, excitable, anxiety ridden girls. I hope more than anything that your son is able to see the relationship for what it really is. But, sometimes we have a head on collision (so to speak) before we learn. Just try to be the constant presence as you always are. Keep right on being your wonderfully support mom that you always are *hugg* but, make sure that the line is drawn for you home. That way "home" can always be a "safe haven". Your doing a great job, really you are *hugg* I am so sorry he had damaged his adult teeth already. I wish he could understand that that damamge will likly be a problem the rest of his life. But, he is, at his core, a smart young man! You did a great job!
Its always so nice to hear from you! I really hope you can have a nice 4th of July celebration.
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
Chronic Pain Moderator