Dear Fed Up,
Good evening. My name is Dani and it is very nice to meet you. I am glad you came to find Healing Well. It is a great place for knowladge & support. Though I am very sorry for "why" you are here, I am glad to meet you.
So, I am going to talk about a few things... but first, I want you to know that you deserve someone who takes an active role in your life. It isnt okay that he laffs at you over such dark subjects. It isnt okay to just ignore your needs. Certianly not the needs of your child. You are worth so much more than that. Emotional "withholding of effection" is very serious. I would venture to guess the two of you have probably progressed to some intense arguments. His responses to the needs of you and your child are very cold... You are worth so much more. Someone in pain, does not treat the people they love in that way. Many of us have families, and love them. Though there are days where we all want to just crawl back into bed and pray the pain goes away... many of us do what we can, as much as we can, each and every day. We still tend to our children and care for our homes. Love our families. I would venture to guess he may have other things going wrong than just pain. The sad part is... you can bring a horse to water, but you cant make them drink... he has to want to get better.
OKay, now that I got that out of the way, lets get down to business. I am not sure if you are looking for resources, or understanding but I am going to give you useful information.
Pain Management Specialists are important when dealing with chronic pain. Does he see one? Chronic pain requires multiple approaches, not just medicine.
Injection therapy: Injections help to pinpoint the cause of pain, as well as provide pain relief. Therapies include epidural steroid, facet joint, and sacroiliac joint injections; and nerve root, medial branch, peripheral and sympathetic nerve blocks.
Physical Therapy: Heat/ice, massage, spinal traction, transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS), ultrasound, and therapeutic exercise.
Pulsed Radiofrequency Neurotomy is a minimally invasive procedure that prevents nerves from sending pain signals to the brain.
Rhizotomy uses heated electrodes to turn off pain signals from specific spinal nerves.
Spinal Cord Stimulation is an implanted device that produces electrical impulses to block pain perception.
Intrathecal Pumps are sometimes called pain pumps. The device is surgically implanted and dispenses measured doses of medication within the spinal canal.
Acupuncture is the insertion of very fine, sterile and disposable needles into any of the body's 20 Meridian points or 2,000 acupuncture points. Acupuncture is central to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), which includes other holistic therapies.
Manipulation is performed by chiropractors, osteopathic doctors (DO), and some physical therapists - although the therapy varies among these professions. Manipulation is the therapeutic application of manual pressure or force to treat a musculoskeletal disorder.
Music and art therapy are ways to distract your thoughts away from pain. Besides a creative outlet, these therapies promote relaxation, provide a means for emotional expression, help to reduce stress, increases self-esteem, and are fun.
Also, seeing a pain psychologist is an absolute must! He must learn to "re build" himeself from the ground up. Pain is a part of him, a part of his life. It is time that it was just a part of his life, NOT what defines him. Here is some useful information.
He has depression. So, looking into a General Psychiatrist would be the best option at first. They are trained to deal with depression which is VERY different from a Pain Psychologist who just deals with the aspects of "chronic pain". We have a "depression" forum here as well.
I really hope you are able to get some much needed help. Having an infant will take up all your time and energry for the next three years. Though they do grow up, they never stop needing your love and attention. Having your husband taking an active role in raising your child is important. Not just for you, but for your childs development as well. Please, stay strong. Know you are in our hearts here.