putting stress on my mum

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Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 8/1/2010 4:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone,
I hope you are all doing well.
I have been thinking about it alot recently, while i have been sick constantly for the last 2 years in pain, my mum has stuck by me this whole time not once been angry or annoyed at me for taking up her time and she has done so much for me and been so supportive. shes now noticing that i am going down hill and have been over the last few months, i can tell its really worrying her and shes getting so stressed and constantly thinking about how to fix this, she's seen that im not sleeping much from the pain and school is hard to get through the day now and i get home and try and do homework but i end up in tears because im so exhausted and cant focus or do it because my concentration is so bad from medication and pain. seeing her so stressed and having to do more work even more than normal because im unable to help by the end of the day just makes me feel terrible and i just get even more worried and i dont think its helping me get better, i dont know how i can stop her worrying so much because shes my mum, thats what she does! does anyone have any experience with this and know how to help stop her worrying or just i dont know do something? anything? it also doesn't help that my brother whos in year 12 is lazy and doesn't do anything around the house and is rude to my mum and just takes her for granted, he eats everything he shouldn't and is so unhealthy and just steals food that hes not meant to eat or buys it himself and makes himself sick because he gets pancreatitis, he also does no school work and is failing and just annoys me so much that i try so hard at school and i eat so healthy and do everything to get better yet he does nothing and just makes himself sick, i know i sound so horrible and selfish but i dont know how to stop him and it just hurts to see him do this to his life when he could be so successful. mum worries about this too and it doesn't help because when im feeling bad and need to go to a doctor i dont tell mum because i dont want her to worry.

thanks for any help you can give me. i'm not normally so rude and horrible and i do love my brother but it just annoys me and im kinda sick of it :(


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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 8/1/2010 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Buttercup, hey there...sounds like you've got a lot of things going on and well,
as a mom, it's our prerogative (in nature) to worry, I worry a lot about my
daughter and she knows this..maybe you need to have a mom daughter moment and
bring it up and talk to her...maybe even bring up family counselling (psychologists)
or look into getting some support groups and going all of you to a support group.
Look on-line for support groups in your area. but please remember your mom is always going
to worry and want the best for you, it's not something that can be turned off, but maybe
with family conselling it could get better...I do know that fibromayalgia has a lot of local groups
and always welcome the family members to come, Hope this info helps...
Good luck and well wishes to you..
healing hugz
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/1/2010 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I second the family counseling and support groups. Even if it is just you and your mum that go it may help you both cope with what is going on.

In the meantime I think the best thing you can do for your mum is to make sure you tell her how much you love her and appreciate all the things she does. Tell her how great you think she is and do this every day. And don't forget plenty of hugs.

I am a father of 2 boys, age 20 and 4 1/2. My oldest has pretty much tossed his life in the sewer and it hurts a lot, but the joy I feel from my youngest son gives me strength when he gives me hugs for no reason and tells me I am the greatest Dad in the whole world and thanks me for everything I do for or with him.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 8/1/2010 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Buttercup,

You're right, it is so very hard to be that child in pain and know that you are causing your parents so much stress and grief. I know all too well. Probably the best thing that you can do is talk to your mother. Let her know how none of this is her fault (I've found that parents often feel guilty when their child is sick, even though it is in no way their fault), and that you love her very much and are worried about her. Explain to her that you know that she wants to fix this & that you know she'd to everything in her power to make you better, but it's out of her hands. Tell her that the best thing that she can do is just to be there for you - to give you love and support.

Do you see any type of councilor or therapist? If you do, it might also not be a bad idea to bring your mother to one of your sessions, so that you can both voice your fears and worries & have the benefit of an impartial onlooker to help you express your thoughts and emotions. I've certainly done this with my parents more than once, and I think it helped everyone feel a little better.

It's really tough. Pain effects us and our loved ones in so many ways beyond the obvious physical maladies, but you'll get through this. As hard as it may seem now, you will get though this.


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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 8/2/2010 4:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone,
thanks for the advice and support :) really does help,
I got a starlight wish from the hospital about a year ago and it just got processed and i wished for my mum and her boyfriend to go to bali and they have been there a week now, coming back late tonight!! I've been busy cleaning up the house and went to the shops with dad to get stuff for dinner for the next week so she doesn't have to think to much! and walked the dog so hes not running a muck :) hahaha.
I will look into counsilling and talk to her about whether she thinks it will help and continue to tell her how much i love her and how amazing she is!! shes a supperrrrr mum, and i know ill never stop her worrying but hopefully will make her worry a bit less!! Hope your all well

Love and hugss xx
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