I see one big glaring mistake that your making! You said ("I am reminded that the problem is me. ") and also ("I don't feel anymore that the pain itself is a terrible thing. It is the way it affects every aspect of life that is terrible. When I can no longer see the goodness in myself and feel that my family doesn't need my help because I don't do anything anyway, I get angry. Not at the pain itself, or the doctors who didn't listen, or the nasty people who look at me funny when they hear I am a stay at home mom, but at myself. ") YOU mom are not the problem! the Pain is! The CP is a terrible thing it is the thief in the night that is robbing you of your sleep, it is the thief that is taking away your ability of seeing the goodness in yourself, it is the problem and you have every right to be angry, but don't be angry with yourself! If you are going to be angry then be angry with the thief that is robbing you of everything that you hold dear to your heart! It is not your fault that you have CP, I would just about bet that you did not special order it for yourself did you? Of course not! No one wants to have CP and no one likes what it does to themselves! But you are not alone, look back on some threads done by fatherjohn and myself back in March or April (of last year 2009)I believe, there are threads about, CP and what it does to us, and the affects it has on us. Monty's Mom Please Please Please, be a little more easy and gentle on yourself, your not alone in this, we are all here with you! You have our support!
May Peace be always with You!
Moderator Chronic Pain
After spending nearly 22 1/2 years in the USAF, I retired in Sept, 1991. I then went back to school and became a licensed RN in 1994, and I worked on Oncology and then a Med Surg Unit, I became disabled in late 1999 and was approved SSD in early 2002!-- DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in Sep 2009, C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications:Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV I am White Beard with a White Beard!
Post Edited (White Beard) : 8/14/2010 7:50:39 AM (GMT-6)