My husband and I took my daughter to the Children's Museum on Saturday, which was hard for me, but not too bad. I sat while she played much of the time. He did much of the chasing after her. We realized later that day that we hadn't brought her to the beach yet this year, and felt badly about this. She was afraid of the beach last year (at 2 yrs old), and so I didn't want to completely avoid it this year since I wanted her to get used to it. So we planned a beach trip with her grandfather for yesterday. I tried to be careful, but way overdid myself. I was in rough shape last night, and in even rougher shape this morning. I dragged myself to work, even though I really wish I could have stayed home. I'm almost out of paid time off, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Get my doc to approve me for short term disability, perhaps? I don't know how this all works. I used to love my job and was great at it, but now I dread coming to work and have a lot of trouble keeping up with my responsibilities at work. I can't keep up mostly because I'm distracted by the pain, not because my job is physically demanding. There really isn't any way to modify it to make it more doable. I work in an office at a university. I have been given an excellent chair to sit in, have consulted with an ergonomics expert in setting up my desk, and everyone helps me out when anything that weighs much of anything needs to be moved. If they see me touch anything that weighs more than perhaps 5 lbs they'll run at me and take it away. I feel like I'm letting my boss down, even though I know it's not my fault. I have no idea how to handle this.
I'm sitting at work right now, trying to work on some dictation. The nerve pain is so bad, even after taking all the medication permitted. It's like many needles poking me in my rear end and feet. And patches on my legs keep feeling cold or wet, even though they aren't. I don't know how much longer I can handle this pain. I'm sorry for this rambling. I needed to get it out. I just want to cry right now, but of course I'd look ridiculous crying at work.
Scoliosis fusion w/rods - 1992; herniated disc - 1996; partial removal of rods - 1997; microdiscectomy - 1997; sudden increase in pain - 2008; since 2008 I've tried the following non-pharmaceutical treatments: physical therapy, aquatic therapy, TENS, acupuncture, trigger point injections, selective nerve root blocks; other diagnoses: depression, anxiety, add; current medications: tramadol, lyrica, baclofen, vicodin, welbutrin, ativan, ritalin