I use the Actiq almost like a patch. I take a little bit of it at a time. And it took me a long time to get to that point -- I couldn't drive or work for maybe 2-3 months after starting the Actiq at 1-2 200mcg per day, not taken all at once. I can't tolerate the patches b/c I get dreadful welts at the patch site & if I take even a moderately hot shower I overdose. So I don't take the whole Actiq at once except for extremely rare instances. I don't know why I'm so sensitive.
I have 2 more weeks at the temp job. It's just totally stressing me out. Not sleeping more than a few hours a night -- which makes everything so much worse: pain, stress...
Maybe the dizziness is worse b/c I have Chiari (which itself causes vertigo) & even though I have exercises to manage that maybe the combo is just too much. idk. I slipped & fell yesterday coming in with laundry. Fell on my wrist. Ouch. I think it's okay (no ugly bruises) but there is pain shooting up my arm. And the day before that I took my car in b/c it was making noises & found out the engine & transmission were about to fall off the bottom of my 10yo car. So that was $500 I really didn't need to spend. But I need my car. Sadly, 1/4 of that money was to buy Lyrica. I found some samples that will last me most of the month. I'm hoping my doctor can get me some more at my next visit. Another 1/2 was to see a vein specialist b/c we think the pain in my leg might be from blood clots. That will just have to wait.
This is all just so frustrating. Stats say that 2 out of 7 families have someone with a disability, but gosh it seems like I can't find any of them. These recruiting people just seem to not understand anything. I got the hiring manager to agree not to make me go to those conferences & thought I was in the clear, and now the recruiter lady is insistent on me giving her things that are totally unrealistic. I need to find a job that is not so strict about start time. Mornings are so rough -- as I'm sure they are for most people here. I don't have an issue putting in my hours -- or even being available remotely to handle issues, it's just showers & driving that are rough.
It's just so tough that after all this time, finally finding a treatment that can get me relatively normal, it's all about to fall apart b/c of one stupid recruiter who's hung up on my credit score & a 2007 STD absence from a prior job. I don't know what to say. Lawyers like to do things the way they've always been done. There was no reason to go on disability leave except that the Law Dept. was basically the only part of the large corporation that refused to allow employees to work from home (which would have made it easy to start before 9am -- even if my legs were not willing to move). It's why I wanted to get out of that field. So I picked a tech job that I could do from anywhere. And the manager is fine with me doing it from anywhere. But HR is just hell-bent on hiring someone who's always been perfectly healthy. Her latest excuse is that the EEOC will come after her for hiring me. I feel like screaming at her that the EEOC doesn't just protect black people, but it protects disabled people as well! Oh, I'm so mad that she's hiding behind that. I'm 100% in favor of a diverse workforce. And if there were someone who was equally qualified who was Black or Asian or Latino, hire them. But to hide behind that when the only candidate who fits that criteria is a guy who was fired from the company 5 years ago b/c he didn't do his work and got into heated arguments with the customers, just makes me mad!
Oh! I am just so frustrated. To see my life coming unraveled -- and me with it -- is just too much right now. I'm trying to stay on track but it is so much to deal with. I'm gonna keep trying, though. Maybe at least the Methadone will work out within the next 6 weeks while I still have insurance.
thanks for posting,