So last night my fiance and I had a disagreement about
something that is still with me today. He wants me to stop taking care of the house and family when I have bad pain. I didn't know how to tell him that if I did stop taking care of everyone when I had "bad pain" I would never take care of them again. That depressed me more than anything has in life up to this point. Staying in bed ALL day is not the way I want my life to go. I explained to him that is not who I am, someone who can just ignore their needs for my own. He knows and loves me for my determination and strength, but would like me to take care of me too. We are working on a way to balance these things for us all.
I believe the reason I am so depressed is that I want him to see that I am in pain, without me actually having to admit how bad it is. Not that I want him to be a mind reader, or instinctively know or be trained, just to have that compassion. I can't bring myself to tell him how bad things are for me everyday. He would naturally want to help or make it go away, and that is just setting him up for hurt feelings. There is no way to make it go away. He does make me feel better all the time. Every dinner, every time he and the boys clean, every ride and grocery trip and stop after work for a comfort food or even just med pick ups or something I forgot on the shopping list. We have a chore chart and everyone helps and is responsible for their own things. My jobs are easy for me, so I feel success when I finish them, as are the boys and my fiance's. Dinner is a family affair from prep to table. We all work together and make a good team. Its my squeaky wheel that throws that balance off. I feel I should do most of it and not ask for so much help.
The problem is my outlook. I want to do more for my family, not less. It shouldnt all be on his shoulders. Women now look at me in horror when I say I am a stay at home mom. Its like its taboo now. Where did our priorities as a society go, when a mother is expected to work and have someone else care for her kids? It doesnt help that for many years I was a single mom doing everything and was expected to be supermom. That woman is gone and has been replaced by a more tired, older looking model . Seriously though, what do you do when you can't care for your family that day? Do you push through it and pay later when they aren't around, or do you rest and cry and let them do all you feel you should be? I need ideas to try to find the balance between causing more pain and still feeling selfworth.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcript
ionist I must say ureteral calculus!