Feeling depressed about my pain

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 9/7/2010 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Well I am feeling pretty down. I feel trapped by my pain and fatigue. My pain levels are around a 7 on patches and bt meds. I just feel they shouldnt be so high on this stuff.
Its been about a year since I started my pm. I am really discouraged and very depressed.
My conditions are all screwing with each other and make it even more diffivult to treat me. 
I am also terrified of my PM docs. I dont want to tell them what is not working for me for fear they will pull what I am on and leave me hanging. This was their response last time I had the "bravery" to complain several months ago.
I have lost all desire to do anything. I am on plenty of psych meds and see a therapist. I am just so bummed out. I spend all day in bed.
any thoughts would be appreciated
Hope this finds you all doing great! 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 9/7/2010 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
  Oh Melissa , I am so sorry to hear your having such a tough time of it , Please hang in there my friend , force yourself to read or clean or anything just so your doing something . I know it feels impossible now , but your such a wonderful person , think of your blessings , your family , friends , accomplishments . You are a wonderful , supportive caring person . I'm thinking of you and sending you all good vibes . Love You Lots , Mikel 
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Dealing with healing now !!!

Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 9/7/2010 7:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Merrygirl,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed. You mentioned you are on many psych meds (I'm on some too) and that you still feel down. Perhaps instead of talking directly to PM (since they don't listen too well) you could talk to your psych about the pain and the problems. I know there are occasions when the Dr's will do a telephone consult on cases where there are problems. It might be a possibility that your psych will get more response than you do. So many PM offices are really a pain (in their own way). I know I went in to mine today because I will be having surgery on Tuesday. I only wanted to speak quickly to a nurse to let them know and to give them information on the surgery. They will be getting everything from the hospital after tomorrow since they will be providing the anestesia for the procedure. They wouldn't even let me speak to anyone so it looks like I was hiding the procedure and not keeping them informed. I'll be seeing my psych first thing in the morning and telling him for sure just to get it in to the records. I feel like he will stand up for me if there is a problem later. Like you, I don't want to loose PM because I would have absolutely no quality of life if they took my meds away. They are the only things that keep me going.

I'll be checking in again as soon as everything gets done with the pr-op tomorrow and the set-up for the surgery.

I'll keep you in my prayers.....For now, I'm off to review homework and tomorrow's tests for my little girl. She's having a real challenge changing schools and getting to know the subject matter.

All my best!
Retired Mom

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 9/7/2010 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Melissa! I too am very sorry that you are in so much pain these days. It certainly is nothing to jump for joy over is it. I'm sure all the members here can sympathize with you as well.

I' am glad that you are seeing a therapist. Do you see him or her on a monthly basis? Maybe a visit in the very near future will help you deal with this.

Like Mikel has said...Hang in there, and maybe some other activity may help take your mind off some of it.


Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 9/7/2010 9:05:57 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 9/7/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Melissa,

First and foremost, here's a hug: {{{{{ Melissa }}}}}

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed and upset and down about your pain. It bothers me to no end to read about people here being afraid to talk to their doctors about their pain, for fear of treatment being withdrawn. I just don't get that...I simply can't comprehend how any doctor would be so callous, and how often this seems to happen in the States.

I agree with retiredmom...I would very strongly suggest you talk to your therapist about your fear of treatment being cancelled if you say something. You are paying for a service in my opinion and you deserve the service you're paying for. Your doctors have been hired to help you manage your pain, and if they're not doing their job, then I personally believe they should be reported to the AMA.

That being said, the practical issue of your care still needs to be resolved. I would talk to your therapist to work out a dialogue to have with your doctors, so you can share with honesty your concerns, and not be treated badly or ignored for doing so. I will pray that this happens for you, and I'll pray for you to have the courage to fight for what you require.

As for the ongoing depression, etc. about your pain and your situation - I know it's easy to fall into the "feeling sorry for ourselves" trap...dealing with pain every day is mentally and physically challenging, and it's hard on our emotions. You've been having a tough time managing lately and you don't feel like you're getting support from your doctors...of course you're feeling trapped. I don't know if you're a believer in meditation or not, but I've found that when my pain is flaring and I'm struggling to keep my head above the water, the best thing for me is to find a quiet spot, put on a meditation CD, cuddle up with a Warm Buddy and then allow myself to be absorbed by the wind and the chimes and the ocean waves of my CD.

I hope that you might find this a helpful solution, or that it at least brings a tiny bit of relief. I wish I had the power to make you and everyone else here completely well, but I can't, so this will have to do. I hope you get a good and restful sleep tonight, so you can look at the world with new eyes tomorrow.

Big, gentle hugs.
DX: Fibro, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain, Surgical Adhesions, IBS, IC-PBS, Carpal Tunnel (both wrists), FAI, Reynauds, Opthalmic Migraines, Drug Related Hot Flashes, Physically Unable to Vomit due to Nissen Surgery, Extremely tiny and scarred veins (hard start for IV's)

Meds: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Cesamet, Flexeril, Clonidine plus Vitamin D + Multi daily

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3089
   Posted 9/7/2010 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
(((((((((Melissa))))))))))). We've all been where you are at now. It's tough. It's really, really tough. I too constantly battle with depression caused much in part by my pain. When I get really overwhelmed, I find that it is easiest just to take things literally one hour at a time.

As for your fear of your PM. Maybe it's time to switch doctors. Your doctors should be working with you, not against you. You shouldn't need to be afraid of them. Yes, we are all afraid of not getting adequate enough pain control, but if this doc isn't listening to you or willing to work with you, then you don't need him. Pain management isn't just about pain control, it's also about regaining our ability to function in life. You don't need docs who make you get so anxious on top of the pain, that as a result you are having a harder time functioning.

Hang in there. I know that you are trying your hardest & that's all you can do. It's not easy to come to accept that things are what they are & that we can only do what we can do, when you feel so hurt, scared, and alone. Just know that we are here for you.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 9/7/2010 10:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Melissa, I'm sending a big hug too. I can't offer more words of wisdom than have aready been offered. Like Skeye, taking an hour at a time is sometimes the only way to cope. I also find going to bed with a good book to take my mind off the moment can help, but if its too intense, listening to music and trying to go through my relaxation exercises can help too.

Not being supported by your PM sounds really awful, talk to your psychologist about it all. We all go through thses dark spots and its so hard to get on top of them. My psychologist told me its ok to grieve for what we have lost. For the life we had, for being pain free. Somehow those words and her understanding reached a sore point in me. She feels alot of people with chronic pain aren't suffering so much from depression but from grief.
I'm really with you, my hug is on its way, golitho

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 9/7/2010 10:42 PM (GMT -6)   
You have been given some really good advice, and skeye is totally right with what she said about your PM. You know merrygirl you don't need to tell your PM that the meds are not working but instead just tell him about the pain you are still having, where it is at, and its intensity, and when you have it, what you are doing when it is at its worst. You don't need to say anything about your pain meds that your taking, just explain to your PM about your pain that your having, if he asks if you are taking your meds tell him the truth, give him the information he request, but do no mention about how effective it is, or anything as I mentioned just tell him about the pain you are still having, and then let your pain doctor deal with it! You should not live in fear of your Doctor as to whether he is going to treat you or not, he is suppost to be working for you! I do wish you all the best!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
After spending nearly 22 1/2 years in the USAF, I retired in Sept, 1991. I then went back to school and became a licensed RN in 1994, and I worked on Oncology and then a Med Surg Unit, I became disabled in late 1999 and was approved SSD in early 2002!-- DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in Sep 2009, C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications:Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV I am White Beard with a White Beard!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 9/8/2010 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
WOw, Thanks for all your caring responses and advice. It really warms my heart that there are great people out there!

I have been seeing my therapist every 2-4 weeks and then when I feel bad I see him every week. I am currently waiting for approval of more visits. I havent seen him in a few weeks. It definitely helps me though.

I think I am just stuck in a rut right now. I am grieving the loss of my mobility and life as I knew it. It has been 3.5 years since I got sick with Lyme and everything went down hill.

I think I am going to take everyones advice. And white beard I am going to try what you advise talking about my pain to the doctors. I do get afraid of addiction ( I dont have a problem now or ever) but I also worry if I need pain meds for the rest of my life I am afraid I will run out of options I am only 32.

Thanks guys
Chronic Lyme Disease,Fibromyalgia, CFS, PCOS, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, bulging discs to name a few
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