There are days that are really great, and days that are very compromising. Does anyone else have that eternally happy friend that instead of listening always has a hopeful response and spreads the joy that he/she knows you "will be miraculously healead?" Would anyone else like to punch that person in the face?
So I find myself searching for reasons to like myself. My self esteem before this was never good, but has continued to take sucker punches and sank to a new low with my diagnosis. I guess I always held on to that hope that there would be a cure when we found an answer to the question of what is wrong with me. So, now I search around inside myself and outside too for good things to help me feel better about myself, which at times feels like a never ending quest for the holy grail. Maybe I need a man running behind me banging coconuts together!
Sorry, silly moment completely dedicated to the older crowd! Does anyone else remember that movie? But I digress. Yesterday, after a very long few days of kidney stone agony and just deciding putting off my life for it was no longer the way to go, I met my director with Mary Kay. She was full of compliments, which I expected and didn't believe completely. She asked me why I still strive to do anything if it causes so much pain? Why don't I just lay down and take care of myself and a few things for my family? I just spoke. I can find at least one thing about a woman that is beautiful, and show her how to enhance it. Before she knows it, she loves that one thing, and begins to see other things that are beautiful or special about herself. The next thing she may know, is that she is smiling more, feeling good about herself, and spreading her happiness to others. It is my goal to give that happiness to as many people as possible whether through a facial, a kind word on a bad day, or my help.
So today, having a bad one again, I laid here a bit and started to feel good about myself in spite of pain. Its not about making lots of money, or having the most of something, or even having pain gree days, self esteem is about feeling good about what you do. I love being a mother, wife, learning, and making other people feel special through church, Mary Kay, or just listening. Even if I never make any money, it will still feel great for trying. Who am I kidding, making money would be awesome, but I can still feel good if I dont!
So God bless you all today, and may you have good days even if they are not low pain days!
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!