Hi Chart! I hate to say it but I'm pretty sure I know just how you feel! I know that people don't like it when someone says that and I usually don't ever do it! But in this case with out going into too much detail, I think I know what your talking about! I'm soooooo sick of having things wrong with me that most of the time I'm in denial! I hardly ever tell my wife how bad I really feel and don't evan tell her half the problems I have because I just know I'll overload her. I know that she is evan more sick of "my health" than I am!!!
Then there's the SSD thing! The guilt feeling about waiting forever for that fiasco!!! Slowly going broke and not being able to do a dam thing about it! Felling guilty about spending any $$ at all! Then there's the *90#4!2<>><!!! pain> the constant pain that you can't tell anyone about except for our fams here on HW!!! I really hate to think and be like this and its an awful thought but I wish just once, just for a minute they could feel what it's like in this cursed body of mine!!! How can you evan think about wanting someone you love to have and feel the pain you are going through??? It makes me feel evil!! But I do sometimes! Guess I'm a bad person or maybe this God awful constant opain makes me a bad person!
Sorry to rant and carry on Chart! But I think you and many others here know exactly what I'm talking about! Who ever thought it would turn out this way??? I'm gonna go take another pill, like thats gonna help!
Love you Girl!! Hang in there> I wish I could make it all go away for you and myself and all the others but I can't so all I can do is say>>> I get it!!!