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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 10/2/2010 12:30 AM (GMT -6)   
UGGGG!  I am soo upset right now!  Hubby and I had a huge fight cause I of course am having one of my horrible nights where I can't just lay down and go to sleep.  He's already yelled at me for this once while I was in the bathtub trying to keep the pain down.  It was after my bath that I decided to go down stairs so that he could get some sleep and I could sleep when I was darn good and ready.  Well, I'm dragging my things downstairs and he pops his head around the kitchen doorway and informs me that I am NOT to smoke downstairs as it is the only place that he can get some fresh air.
I informed him that I had no intentions of smoking in the house and that if it bothered him that much why didn't he just tell me instead of keeping it bottled up!  I would have not smoked in the house at all if it bothered him that much.  I mean, I am not an unreasonable person.  I know that cig smoke bothers him.  Geeez.  My pain is way up there and I am trying hard to find a comfortable spot to sleep, he didn't have to act like that ya know.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 10/2/2010 3:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Sad that you are already struggling and then hubby has to add to it. It sounds like you guys need to choose a time suitable to both of you and really talk about your needs etc.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer about 3 months ago and we decided that we would just tell family at this point. I told my sister ( after all, she is family!) Well didn't he go off when I told him. Go figure. I know he was obviously having a difficult time coming to terms with the diagnosis, and I was the closest one to lash out at. Is it possible hubby wishes he had a way of curing you but can't so therefore feels helpless. Men (are from Mars) do behave very differently to us women....(are from Venus)
Wishing you peace.

New Member
Incredible as it seems, my life is based on a true story :+)

Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 10/2/2010 5:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Awe Scared,

I'm sorry about the fight. My hunny and I have had a few doozies over the last few years too.

I hope you slept well last night and that you were able to find a comfortable position to rest your weary head. I'm not going to fuss at you about the smoking.....we all have our own vices, but perhaps smoking outside would be a better choice for both of you.

I hope today will be a better day!
Retired Mom

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 10/2/2010 7:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey there Lil Sis, Sorry that the top blew off last night. This dawgone CP wears on spouses too. I'm sure he was just tired and will probably feel bad about blowing his top today. I smoke too but always ouside, evan when it's raining under an umbrella! We have birds> parots that can get harmed pretty bad by cig smoke and there's Rose and Hanna our hound & pusscat too. They can't get away from the smoke and it's not fair to them!! My wife smokes too but just had her tonsils out and is going to try to quit since she's gone 4 days w/o them. I know she is going to want me to quit too and is going to put the pressure on me as soon as she feels better. I want to quit, I know it's gonna kill me as all smokers do and the cost is just crazy now!!! We'll see?
Anyway, sorry to move away from your topic. I aways feel it's best not to fight back when she gets upset w/ me. Maybe I'm just "Whipped"??? but if I do fight back then voices get raised and things get said w/o thinking that we really don't mean, Ya know? We are all different, some can just let things go and some can't. I think I would have been devorced long ago if I didn't learn to "back off" and I think it's the same for my wife when I get really upset about something!
Sorry for babling! Good luck Lil Sis!!!
Luv & Big Hugs>

Post Edited (Pete trips again!) : 10/2/2010 6:55:30 AM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 10/2/2010 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I've found when my parents are fighting they call each other "honey", "sugar", and "baby". Sometimes they go to other parts of the house to cool off. Then later I'll see my father knealing by my mother's chair hugging her and I know they've apologized to each other. My mother has MDS (pre-lukemia) and my father suffers with his back like me. The stress of their diseases gets to them sometimes, but the love is always there.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16765
   Posted 10/2/2010 9:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Aw Scarred he may have been having a bad day/night too. But then if he is a non smoker or reformed smoker that explains some of the outburst. My husband quit years ago and I continued and once in awhile he would pop off to me. I just ignored him, lol. Never smoked in the house anyway. Oh, if I wanted to run in the back door and get a drink or cup of coffee sometimes I would have a smoke in my hand, that type of thing.

Today will be back to normal for the two of you, as this does not sound like him from what you have told us about him.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 10/2/2010 8:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah gang just a bad day for hubby. He's better today and since he has the work phone tonight, I am in the basement long before he is coming home to bed. He just wants me to be able to get a good nights sleep, but knows that it will not happen. He explained to me this afternoon that when he is tired and he knows that I am too, he thinks that he needs to try to make it all better. Mr. Fix-it like all other men right?

Got about 5 hours of sleep last night. Hoping for a better night tonight.


I live to "Tame My Pain!" 

Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 10/2/2010 9:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Scared,

I'm glad things are back on track! CP is so hard on everyone. My hubby has those insane hours too and is at work right now. He does the same thing when he hasn't slept in a very long time. I try to understand because I can easily be just as "difficult".

Rest well my friend.
Retired Mom

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 10/3/2010 3:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Retired. I know that our marriage has had its ups and downs and that he gets quite vocal when I am in so much pain. It's always the hardest on the ones we love. To see us in so much pain and not be able to "fix" us can really mess with their psyche as well. But things are much better and I know this is only a little bump in the road.


I live to "Tame My Pain!" 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 663
   Posted 10/3/2010 9:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Scarred, glad to hear you are having a better day and got a little sleep last night. I know how tough things must be for the hubby when he can't fix you and just has to sit back and watch you suffer. I am divorced and don't have a man in my life right now (don't want one either..lol) so I never realized how much our pain can hurt our spouses too. I sure hope you have a better night tonight. Take care.
Gentle Hugs,

Fibromyalgia, Chronic daily headaches, Migraines, Possible Graves Disease, GERD, High blood pressure, Depression and Anxiety

Oxycontin, Lopressor, Lexapro, Omeprazole, Promethazine as needed for nausea, Ventolin inhaler and Vitamin D3

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 10/3/2010 1:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Scarred, I've kinda gotten used to this type of behavoir with my hubby...
it's hard for both sides when any disease is involved, Hopefully everything
will work out for you both...
Just keep in mind that the anger is at the illness not you...
and I hope you sleep well tonight........
healing hugz
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

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