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Mrs. Dani
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 10/6/2010 11:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Friends & Family,
 
     Most of us are quiet, and emotionally much stronger than those around us. It is one of the side effects of long term chronic pain. It isn't that it DOESN'T bother us. On the contrary, it does. A LOT! But, often times, we keep it all bottled up inside.
 
    Who better to vent to than those who know you best? This thread is for getting it all out. For venting.  It is important that we take the time to release the frustration... least we have a major blow up.
 
     This is where you can let it out. Once you let it go.. forgive and forget. As best you can. Get it out and take a deep breath. We wont take offense, we understand. Share it with us. 
 

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

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Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 10/7/2010 11:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Half-vent/half-celebration :)

Well, so we've finally got a decent combo of meds & stuff so that I can go back to TEACHING!!!!! :) I am so happy I am doing cartwheels in my head. But I've tried hinting at my family and they are so enormously critical. So I'm not telling them but I figure eventually they will find out. Why can't they accept that I am finally seeing the benefit of all these treatments?

First they yell at me that I'm not trying hard enough & I need to be working more & getting a better paying job & yada yada yada. Now that I've done that, they yell at me that I need to rest more & not take on so much and do everything they say. I just can't win for losing.

So somehow I need to very quickly get tough enough to stay focused on my goal (I'm researching 2e kids: gifted with chronic health conditions) and not let them drag me down into misery & depression. I know I'm miserable when I'm with them b/c everything is either that I'm crippled and can't do anything at all for myself or I'm faking and need to do more. There is never a middle ground. I need to focus on reality & surround myself with other people grounded in reality. It won't be easy, but I am so excited and there is nothing like bubbly young kids to get your mind off of pain for a few hours. ;)

wish me luck. scool

tmjpain
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2024
   Posted 10/7/2010 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Frances I am so thrilled for you. That is wonderful news!!! Keep us up to date on when you start!! Keep your head up girl cause you can do this!!!

Lots of luck being sent your way!!
SUZANE

One day at a time!!

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 10/7/2010 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
There is nothing better than surrounding yourself with a group of six and seven-year-olds. Their antics can cause so much laughter that they can make you forget your pains. Congratulations on feeling so much better. :)
Joy

couchtater
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 10/7/2010 9:02 PM (GMT -6)   
((((((((((((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))))))))
pebbles
Joy

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 10/7/2010 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
The last several weeks have taken their toll on me.

Start out with my wife's tuition being about $2000 more than expected this semester. Part of it was the cost going up on books and the other part was the state reducing her financial aid. As a result we ended up having to make the choice of using the money we had set back for property taxes to make up the difference or her not going to school this semester and then having to start paying back her student loans. Well we called the county tax office and was told we could apply for an extension and make payments and as long as it was payed off by the time property taxes were due next year and we were not late on next years taxes there would be no problem, but that we had to wait until after this years due date to apply.

Two weeks after the due date passes we get a letter in the mail saying that our house is going to be put up for auction to settle the back due property taxes. Well Illinois allows both the sale of the tax debt as well as the sale of property and so I spent the past few weeks trying to find out which type of sale was going to apply. I called everyone from the county court to the tax office to the county treasures office and no one had a clue what I was talking about or what was going to happen. I finally got in touch with a couple of people in town who have been in the same boat as I am and found out that it is just the debt that will be sold and as long as it is payed off within 2 years I won't lose my home.

Then during that time the brake lines on my pickup truck rupture and also my brake master cylinder went bad. $200 in repair later that is good to go.

Then the preschool my son is going to approached me about having him get speech therapy twice a week because he has problems making "S", "TH", "F", etc sounds. Well the kid is missing all of his front upper teeth due to having the pulled because of extreme rot caused by an almost total lack of enamel. Of course he has problems with those sounds. What irks me the most about all of this is that it was brought up during his eval before school started and the evaluators agreed that the missing teeth were most likely the cause and even agreed with me on that speech now would likely cause problems later after his adult teeth come in as he would end up compensating too much for the missing teeth, yet they still want me to have him attend speech classes. Hopefully they are not stupid enough to bring it up again after my second refusal.

As if that isn't enough I am still fighting a cold or something that has been kicking my butt for weeks now, and with all the stress my pain levels are up and I am not sleeping worth a darn, so that is not helping matters either.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 10/8/2010 11:51 AM (GMT -6)   

 

    Oh my gosh Francess! That is really BIG news!!! I know you have worked so hard for that goal for a long time! Goodness you made my day!

    Paula, I am so sorry. You have been through so much this last month! Now your husband lost his job! I am so sorry *warm hugg* Just between us if I were you I would put the tea bag trash on the offenders bed with a nice note remaining that you rant a house maid!

     Geeze Jim. The financial stress your family is under is tremendous. The looming threat of your house being auctioned?? I wish there were some sort of system in place to protect families homes. To have the threat of your home being taken away at the drop of a dime seems so predatory to me.

 

    ..though my problems are incredibly small I think I will vent them too.

      I have some stuff going on with my mother in law that is driving me a little batty. She hasn't accepted that I am ill. She just says things like well "your young". "Lots of people have spine problems". Your on too much "medication, I would pass out if I took that much.". "Your slower than I am and I'm 64!". Do you really need all that medication.. blah blah. Normal kinds of things. No one knew how bad it had gotten till I got out to Florida for vacation when they finally "saw" me. I changed a LOT in just 2yrs time. I don't look the same at all. I love her very much. Honestly she could kick me and I would still love her, but her actions this last year are straining her relationships with everyone around her.

     Yesterday, I got an email from my mother in law .. well, not really an email. It was a plane ticket confirmation. She didn't even call to ask or tell me she wanted to stay for the month of December and beginning of January. When my husband called her to tell her we just couldn't do it she began lying. Saying she had talked to me about. Then tried to tell David that he had said it was okay for her to come out. Then she said she told the girls about and they were supposed to tell us. Now, that was uncalled for. Don't blame my children for your erratic behaviors or use them to justify the irresponsible actions. None of the excuses she gave happened of course. Had she talked to us about it we would have told her we have to move. She had to get refund on her tickets. Was mad at us.  Had she asked about... anything. We could have told her.

     This last year she has been doing a lot of fibbing. It is strange and frankly frustrating. She decides she wants something, she doesn't care about anyone around her while she is "getting" what ever it is she has decided she wants. For example, at Disney land, at night and scared me so badly. I turned around and she and the girls were gone. I was so frightened. I searched frantically everywhere. I couldn't breathe it was like something heavy was pushing on my chest. We all fanned out to search for her. When I finally found her she said "I was going to take my girls to see the parade and I am not going to wait for all of you." I said you scared me very badly, please do not do that again. "I want what I want and I am not going to wait around on any of you." She never said a word to anyone before she took off.  

     Another example is when she went to buy plane tickets for the girls to fly to Florida. No kidding, you heard me right. Again, never said a word. I told her of course my girls aren't flying or going anywhere without their David and I. They are 6 and 9yrs old. Don't be ridiculous. They aren't missing school and are not old enough to travel alone. School was about to start we couldn't afford, nor had the time for another trip. She never said a word. She had to get refunds for the ticket she bought for the girls.

     Each time I have been very patient with the "impulses". She is strangly cold while she is doing this stuff too. I know David s family (even father who has since re married), everyone says "yepp, she has always been that way.". She just never was that way with me before. I mean once in a great while she would do something odd, uncaring. I would just find out what was really bothering her and if I could help in someway. This time she invited herself over a month. Never said a word. By this time David became upset. I think everyone has had enough of her. I mean everyone is fed up. It wouldn't be so bad I think if she were to just be honest. But she lies an awful lot to "make excuses" for her actions after the fact. It has become terribly draining.

*argh*
  dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

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Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 10/8/2010 12:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks to all the well-wishers. That means so much to me.

Hugs to Dani. Pebbles, I hope your husband finds a job real soon. One piece of advice is file for unemployment today. I missed one of my payments b/c I didn't understand the process. Even if he got severance, he can file on day one.

Jim, gosh you've got a lot going on. As far as your son, though, if they keep pressing to put him in speech therapy, if it were me, I'd get a second opinion from a university. I don't know where you live, but NIU has a phenomenal program. Northwestern also has a great program. And a number of other schools would certainly be better than whoever is working at your local pre-school (NEIU, UIC, UIUC, SIU -- I think Bradley might have a program, not sure). The really cool thing is that it's totally free. The tests are conducted by students who are supervised & counseled by instructors with decades of clinical experience and typically with a PhD in the field. You agree to show up at a time that's convenient for them, but other than that & the fact that the student can use anonymous data from the sessions for reports, there is no catch. The one exception that might warrant him going to speech class is if he is having trouble hearing the difference between s/f/v/th. For example, if he can't hear the word "sat" and pick between a picture of someone sitting vs. someone who's fat, that would indicate he may need additional help. The people at the university can test for that. If the university tests come back showing he has no issues that warrant an IEP, bring that up with the Special Education Coordinator at the school/district (in some cases that's also the superintendent; in others there is a shared SEC among districts). Show them the report & tell them you want to revisit the issue 3-4 months after your son's teeth grow in. If they resist, take the issue to the board.
You are being a good parent. Teachers often get burned out from parents who come in & know little about how children learn but sharply challenge the teacher's methods anyways. The downside of that is that sometimes a parent actually has done the research to understand what is going on with his child & the teacher is so jaded that she doesn't listen (it's not okay, but it does happen). It truly sounds like they WANT to do what is best for your son, but maybe someone is missing a piece of the puzzle -- and it might not be who it seems to be; there can be a lot of people who work behind the scenes when making these recommendations. Try to get along as best you can for your son's benefit (there are some non-verbal activities that can prepare children to make those sounds when a medical condition delays hitting a speech milestone using graphics, cards, models & other people to show where the tongue hits the lips, teeth or roof of mouth) but keep standing up for him. Hurrah for you for being so involved with your child's education. The world needs more parents like you. ;)

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 10/8/2010 1:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Once my son's adult teeth come in and he still has problems making those sounds I will be all for him going through a speech program, and I rather suspect he will need it at that time, but as I said earlier I can not see putting him through it now and then again in a year or so once his front adult teeth come in just to have him unlearn everything.

I went through the same basic thing when I was in Kindergarten and 1st grade. I lost all 4 and 2 of my front baby teeth within a month or so. Unlike my son though mine fell out due to the adult teeth coming in and it happened just in time for speech evals and I got stuck in a speech class and learned how to compensate in K. Then in 1st grade my teeth were in and my speech was messed up again so back to speech I went to learn how to properly make those sounds. It was something of a traumatic time for me as it was very frustrating and I got made fun of a lot because I was in a "special" program. Because of this, not to mention a little common sense, I want to make sure my little guy doesn't have to go through it unless it is absolutely needed.

I should, or at least want to note (brag) that other than his issues due to his missing teeth my kid scored in the 85-92 percentile on his preschool evals for kids his age so he is one of the top kids in his class if not the top going into the program.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 10/8/2010 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Jim, I'm an elementary teacher (1st grade) and I have students who have lost teeth and had troubles with th, sh & f. My school's speech therapist said that those are developmental sounds. If the child can't say those sounds by age 7 then is when they need speech help, not before. Don't worry about him. He sounds like a smart kid. ;)
Joy
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